


For you, bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths

by danverbarnes



Series: For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Art show, Artist Steve Rogers, Cat Sitting, Christmas, Confessions of love, Friends to Lovers, Love Letters, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Pining, Poetry, Roommates, Slow Burn, Stark Industries, Therapy, Weddings, comic books, goose - Freeform, smoothies, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 20:03:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 54,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20879903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danverbarnes/pseuds/danverbarnes
Summary: "god knows what that cat is capable of, he's probably a killing machine!" Steve said, making them both laugh as they looked back to Goose who was tossing a small stuffed fish back and forth playfully between his paws."And you say my life's not interesting, I'm a babysitter for a lethal killing...." Steve trailed off as he thought,"Yeah? a what?" Bucky pushed him, looking at him with a smile, excitedly."Flerken" Steve decided."really" Bucky commented unimpressed, but Steve turned back to rescue some more toast, nodding to himself,"Yep, Flerken" he said, proud of himself.They spent the rest of the day lounging around, Goose seemed to settle in right away, Bucky enjoying playing with him and softly stroking his head when he fell asleep on his lap.





	1. Roommate wanted!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets a new roommate

Roommate wanted!

Steve mulled over his ad for a while, unsure if posting it was a good idea, but he wasn’t having any luck finding a roommate, and affording his apartment was becoming quite a struggle.

“The money from just one drawing isn’t going to last forever” Natasha argued with him,

“It was a good drawing! It’s a lot of money” Steve insisted,

“As much as I love you finally having confidence in yourself, the money will run out, you need a roommate”.

“I know, but you said no” Steve smiled sweetly at her,

“Steve, I can’t move in with you” Natasha laughed,

“Clint can come too” Steve offered,

“Thanks for the offer” Natasha dismissed him, “but honestly, you wouldn’t want to be sharing a wall with Clint and I”.

“Ew, and fine” Steve gave in, starting to work on his ad.

The first reply chimed through in a matter of minutes, no message, just a photo attached, the bottom half of some guy, missing his pants. Steve sighed, realising that maybe he should have specified no weirdos. He closed the screen of his laptop, leaving it closed until the next day, when he saw three separate messages had come through. He replied to the first one he clicked on,

[JBarnes107@gmail.com](mailto:JBarnes107@gmail.com)  
Hoping this is still available, I’m free to meet anytime to see if it’s a good fit.

It seemed to be a legitimate response, and Steve tapped out a reply, arranging a meet up, late the next afternoon. Barnes didn’t seem to give much away and Steve was intrigued to meet him.

The next afternoon, Steve got himself ready, wanting to make a good impression, he folded the cuffs of his shirt up to his elbows, spending longer than necessary fixing his hair. He arrived at the coffee shop 15 minutes early, finding himself a table at the window and ordered a hot chocolate.  
Sitting alone in the coffee shop was very interesting, Steve thought, as he sat mindlessly stirring his drink, relaxing into his chair and letting his mind wander as he zoned out, watching the people around him.

There was a couple sitting across from each other, the guy was tapping his thigh with his fingers, the other hand busy scrolling through his phone, his eyes never leaving the screen. The girl sitting across from him was switching between playing with her hair and stirring her coffee, the clink of the china reaching Steve across the room. He noticed her shoulders sag as she obviously sighed, dropping her spoon onto the plate, briefly catching her date’s attention, his eyes flicking up to her before quickly returning to his phone.

He barely registered the time ticking by, until the chair opposite him was dragged out from under the table, legs squeaking across the floor. Steve looked up, eyes meeting those of a man hovering above him.  
“Um are you Steve?” the man asked, with a nervous smile and soft eyes that caught Steve’s attention, amidst a mess of dark hair framing his face.  
“Yeah! Hi, wanna sit?” Steve said, quickly smiling at him.  
“Thanks, I’m Bucky" the man introduced himself, “it’s a nickname but… everyone calls me it” he said, clocking Steve’s eyebrows twitching in amusement.

They talked logistics for a while, rent and bills and grocery shopping. The man, Bucky, didn’t say much, looking uncomfortable to begin with, drinking his coffee whenever an awkward silence fell, his left arm staying under the table, silently nodding to what Steve was saying, smiling in all the right places.  
“As long as you haven’t got any plans, of course” Steve smiled politely as he suggested they go see the apartment.  
Bucky shook his head, “no, I’m free, I’d love to come see it” he said, smiling back at Steve.

The apartment was only a short walk from the coffee shop, 15 minutes at most. It wasn’t the biggest place, but the neighbourhood was nice. Steve hoped Bucky wouldn’t notice or care about the mess of mail, or the bike left in the lobby as he unlocked the door and allowed Bucky in first.

Once inside, Steve let Bucky look around by himself, following close behind and piping up whenever he felt he needed to.  
Far end of the hallway was the master bedroom, Bucky awkwardly peered around the semi open door. "This is my room, sorry, It’s probably a mess” Steve apologised. The next room along was the empty one, “Er, this would be your room” Steve said, watching Bucky’s face for a clue as to what he was thinking, but got nothing. Steve thanked god that he remembered to clean the bathroom as Bucky looked in, then reaching the open plan lounge, dining room and kitchen. “It’s all in one" he explained pointlessly, feeling the need to break the silence. But Bucky was walking away towards the two large curtains that hung down one of the walls, slowly pulling one back and spoke for the first time since entering the apartment.  
“There’s a balcony?” he asked, with a smile beginning to spread across his face.  
“Yeah!” Steve quickly went to pull open the other curtain, revealing the double glass doors that opened onto the small balcony. “Not the best view though” he said as he saw Bucky looking out and down onto the car park below.  
“I love it” Bucky said, seeming genuine. Steve was starting to think they could wind up friends after all.  
“So… when would you want to move in?” Steve asked hopefully, still trying to read Bucky’s face, who finally smiled brightly.  
“Tomorrow?” he asked, eyes shining with happiness when Steve quickly agreed, surprised at Bucky’s eagerness, but offering his hand out for him to shake, sealing the deal.

It turned out Bucky didn’t have a lot of things, he moved his bed in first, followed by one small wardrobe, one drawer at the bottom, slightly battered at the corners, but it did the job. 3 boxes later and that was everything. A few photo frames that held photos of a much younger Bucky and an even younger girl, and a tatty journal that was hastily shoved away in the top drawer of the nightstand Steve had found for him.  
“sorry, I don’t have a lot of stuff, been staying with a friend so I don’t have plates...or anything” Bucky apologised, noticing Steve’s surprise at his lack of belongings.  
“No don’t worry about that, I’ve got it all and we can go shopping if we need more” Steve smiled encouragingly, making Bucky relax a little.

“What do you mean you’ve got a roommate?” Natasha asked, looking around as if he could magically appear any second. Steve hadn’t seen her for a while and when she’d showed up announced and asked what had been going on, Steve realised he’d missed out the somewhat important news of Bucky.  
“He’s not here” Steve said, laughing a little.  
“Where is he?” Natasha frowned and Steve simply shrugged,  
“Haven’t seem much of him, he’s always gone by the time I get up,” he explained, only causing the frown on Natasha’s face to deepen.  
“Where does he go?” she asked, and Steve shrugged again,  
“Haven’t asked”.  
“And his name’s Bucky?” Steve sighed, waiting for her to say whatever it was she was trying not to. “Sounds like a bit of a weirdo Steve” she said, raising an eyebrow at Steve’s silence.  
“I think he’s got a prosthetic arm” Steve said, ignoring her disapproval.  
“Oh” . She went quiet after that, allowing Steve to keep talking.  
“I think so anyway… he wears gloves a lot, and holds his arm kind of different”.  
Steve thought about the past week, and how when Bucky had moved in his boxes, his left hand was covered with a glove, he was able to pick the boxes up, perfectly capable, but the left side of his body just seemed… awkward somehow. Robotic even.

Steve worried about Bucky leaving every day, worrying about him not treating the place as his own, but slowly Bucky started to make himself more at home, a dolphin magnet on the fridge, a few pairs of shoes by the front door, a jacket slung over the back of a chair, just simple things that gave Steve comfort, reassuring him that although Bucky was hardly home, at least he thought of it as such.

Almost two weeks after Bucky moved in, Steve finally spent some time with him. Waking up one Friday morning to find Bucky half sitting, half laying on the couch, flicking through the TV channels, not finding anything that captured his interest.  
“What’re you up to?” he asked when Bucky sighed loudly,  
“There’s nothing to watch” Bucky sighed again, dramatically as possible, almost making Steve laugh out loud.  
“Wanna play something?” he asked instead, pointing to the stack of games next to the TV, letting Bucky choose something, waiting as he rifled through the pile.  
“You have Mario Kart!” he said excitedly. It was almost adorable, the way his excitement flooded over him, contagious as a wide grin took over Steve’s face as he picked up the controllers, giving one to Bucky.  
It wasn’t until the game had loaded that Steve noticed Bucky's hand. Holding the controller, left hand ungloved, metal fingers gripping one side of the steering wheel, the silver of his knuckles catching the sunlight coming in through the open balcony doors.

Steve didn’t want to mention it, but couldn’t help but be slightly annoyed when Bucky thrashed him on the first round, mentally telling himself off for thinking it would make Bucky terrible at the game.

Several races in, they were neck and neck, Bucky, it turned out, was a sore loser and had tried several times to slap Steve’s controller out of his hand.

The rainbow road kicked Bucky’s ass three times, the fourth time he fell off, the controller vibrating violently in his hand again, made him let go. Clenching and unclenching his left hand as he squeezed his eyes shut in what Steve guessed was pain. He was about to shut the game down, to make sure Bucky was okay, when he picked it back up.  
“Right, tie breaker Steve, sudden death” he smirked, and Steve narrowed his eyes,  
“You’re on”.

They both managed to stay on the road for the first lap, Bucky concentrating extra hard as they started on the second. Steve was two places ahead as they came into the final lap, but he’d been focusing on Bucky for the past couple of minutes, watching the way he clenched his jaw when he turned a sharp corner, the way he was white knuckling the wheel with his one real hand, flexing his fingers when he had the chance.   
Steve could see Bucky’s car coming up close behind him and suddenly Steve’s screen went black as Yoshi tumbled off into the void, Bucky crossing the finish line, one place ahead of Steve.  
“Yes! Steve I can’t believe that just happened!” Bucky dropped the steering wheel, throwing a victory punch into the air. Steve smiled to himself as Bucky continued to brag about how he beat all the odds. His victory speech dragging on until Steve tried to shut him up.  
“Alright Bucky, we get it okay” he said, feigning annoyance and pretending he hadn’t tanked his win to give Bucky a reason to celebrate and distract from whatever in his hand was bothering him. 

“So” Bucky started one morning as they sat opposite ends of the couch, Bucky drinking his second coffee of the day, Steve his first. “Do you ever work?” Bucky asked and Steve laughed,  
“Erm, sort of, I’m an artist, or still trying to be I guess” he shrugged, Bucky nodding,  
“So what do you draw?” he then asked,  
“Anything, usually portraits” Steve explained, feeling his cheeks heat, he always struggled to talk himself up.

Natasha had told him off countless times for being so insecure, telling him he was one of the best people in her life. Clint had then slapped his ass and told him he’d totally go there. Which sort of did the opposite of helping.

Despite Steve’s awkwardness, Bucky seemed genuinely interested in what he was saying, his eyes always the brightest blue when he was giving something his full attention. And right now, Steve had it. “What about you? Where do you head off to?” Steve asked, immediately wishing he hadn’t, Bucky looked away, his eyes dropping to his hands as he clasped them together, skin against metal.  
“I don’t work,” he said quietly, “I have, appointments and stuff.” he said, finishing off the last of his drink, turning away from Steve who felt his throat constrict, hating that he’d ruined things so quickly. Bucky disappeared to his room for an hour or so, but when he reappeared they picked up where they left off before Steve had gone and opened his mouth.   
There was so much more Steve wanted to know, like how the hell Bucky was affording rent without a job or any money coming in.

That weekend was a game changer for their relationship, mario kart became bing-watching the office, which became a weekend of ordering food and spending the day throwing sweet wrappers at each other from either ends of the couch. Steve was enjoying the new set up with Bucky, laughing easily with him as they relaxed into each others company, finding himself waiting for the possibility of a moment where Bucky was smiling so wide his eyes looked full of stars.  
Bucky was pulling a blue wrapper out of Steve’s hair, holding it up against his face, the paper tickling his temple as Bucky looked at him, “Matches your eyes” he laughed, lowering his hand. Steve bit down on his bottom lip, dropping his eyes away from Bucky’s.

After 2 days of being holed up inside, their only saving grace being the balcony doors that prevented the whole place smelling like a fried chicken shop, Steve got up early, finding Bucky leaning against the kitchen counter, eating a chocolate bar like he hadn’t realised it was only 8am.

“Right, we need to go outside” Steve announced. Bucky jumping out of his skin, before shooting Steve a thumb’s up as he finished a mouthful of chocolate.  
Steve insisted they first spend the morning tidying up, Bucky offering to do a trash run, saying he needed the exercise, which Steve thought was hard to believe given the size of his right and very real bicep. Together they washed, tidied, cleaned, and put their apartment back to being livable for people and not just the animals they had become.

“Where do you wanna eat?” Bucky asked when they finally grabbed their coats and headed out for lunch.  
“Anywhere , I’m starving” Steve said, pressing the button for the lift 5 times, impatiently tapping his foot as they waited for the lift to reach their floor.

They ended up having pizza, not a big step from what they’d been living on for the past few days, but they were wearing shoes and eating off plates, which Steve decided was an absolute win.  
“Okay we need to buy some actual food” Steve told Bucky, shooting him a stern looked when he groaned in annoyance.

The grocery store was on their walk back to the apartment, mid afternoon on a Monday meaning it was fairly quiet. Bucky chose to push the trolley, running as fast as he could down the aisles and then lifting his feet up as he glided along, Steve left to wander after him, mindlessly picking things off the shelves, thinking that shopping had never been such fun, watching Bucky laugh as he flew around a corner, narrowly avoiding a store employee who shot them both an unimpressed look, Bucky bursting into laughter. It made Steve’s heart feel bigger than his chest.

They paid in cash, Bucky insisting Steve let him pay, then splitting the bags between them to carry the rest of the way home. They managed to get all the way home and up outside their door before one of the bags split open, cans of coke and a damn pineapple rolling around the floor. They both took one look, and walked away. Dumping the rest of the shopping inside before going back to retrieve everything. Steve got to work, putting everything in its rightful place, not able to bear leaving anything unpacked, Bucky crashing onto the couch instead of helping.  
“I vote we never leave the house again” he said tiredly, and Steve laughed from the kitchen, closing one final cupboard door and collapsing next to Bucky. Just in time for his phone to buzz in his pocket.

“Natasha and Clint are heading over” Steve told Bucky after the call ended, “If that’s okay?” He added quickly, but Bucky was still smiling,  
“Yeah absolutely” he agreed, Steve could hear the nerves in his voice, but appreciated him saying yes.  
“Just for a little while” he assured him, pushing himself back up off the couch, beginning to wash up the last few things they’d left next to the sink, acting as if Natasha and Clint would care about any sort of mess, when every time he’d been to theirs, it was like Clint didn’t even know there was a place beside the floor to push the trash.

Bucky spent the next couple of hours in his room , until the knock on the door drew him out, brushing a couple of creases out of his shirt and tugged the left sleeve down over his hand.

Natasha and Clint were very loud, and almost as soon as Steve unlocked the door they came bounding in, both of them trying to tell five stories at one, shoving wine bottles into Steve’s arms, leaving their shoes strewn out across the hall, laughing and slapping Steve on the shoulder, wrapping their arms around Bucky until he couldn’t breathe, they’d been in the apartment for 2 minutes and were already suffocating him.

After the initial busyness had calmed down, Bucky realised how lovely they both were, they didn’t ask him many questions, but they made Bucky feel easy about offering his thoughts, joining in with the conversation. He laughed at the way Natasha badgered Steve about selling more of his art.  
“It’s been an age Steve! You gotta get out there, you’re so good!” she kept repeating herself and Bucky had to laugh at the way Steve refused to acknowledge his talent.  
“It’s true mate, you seen how much paintings of the beach go for? And about 200 artists all have the same painting I swear! Imagine what you could get by selling things people actually want!” Clint said fiercely, making Steve laugh.  
The evening went down a complete hit, until Natasha opened the wine.

Clint was going through the cupboards, looking for wherever the wine glasses were kept, finally pulling 4 out, setting them on the table.  
“Everyone want a drink?” Natasha asked, already pouring. “Go for it” Steve said, at the same time as Bucky opened his mouth,  
“None for me”.

Natasha stopped pouring after three glasses, looking to him for confirmation,  
“You sure?” she asked Bucky, teasing the wine bottle at him, Bucky shook his head, his face like stone. “  
After their first glass, they asked Bucky again.  
“You don’t even have to drive!” Clint said dramatically, carrying on without noticing the smile on Bucky’s face was incredibly forced. 

“Just one?” he tried again, and Bucky's eyes changed.  
“I said no.” he said forcefully, getting up and leaving the room. Steve half expected to hear his bedroom door slam shut, but the sound didn’t come.   
Natasha and Clint didn’t stay for much longer, sensing the atmosphere they’d created.  
They still smothered Steve in hugs before they left, telling him they’d talk soon, and wishing him the best with Bucky.

“Think we touched a nerve man, hope he’s alright” Clint said on their way out the door, Steve closing it behind them and leaning up against it, letting out a breathe, his eyes fixed on Bucky’s door, picturing him on the other side of it.

Bucky seemed to be doing okay, and Steve didn’t want to overwhelm him, but he decided to throw a party. Bucky had been moved in for 2 months, and Steve felt they should celebrate.

Bucky had been out for the day, only sending a quick text to Steve to give him reassurance he wouldn’t be late home.

When he came in through the door, Steve listened as he put his keys on the shelf and kicked off his shoes, waiting with streamers and cups of cherry cola, something he had found was a guilty pleasure of Bucky’s, his finger hovering over the play button on the stereo.

The moment Bucky appeared in the kitchen doorway Steve hit the button, blasting _Celebration _by Kylie Minogue out through the speakers. Bucky looked stunned for a moment but then smiled, taking a cup of fizzy cherry from Steve, laughing at the helium balloon that stood next to him, bright blue with an aeroplane and a big number 2 in silver sparkly letters, clearly meant for a small child’s second birthday.

“wow , we really have an abundance of party guests, however did you get so many people to come?” Bucky laughed, gesturing around the empty room.

“Well I thought we’d keep it low key” Steve joked, smiling back at him.

Their party died down pretty quickly, the two of them ending up sitting side by side on the couch, still wearing their sparkly cardboard party hats, playing mario kart, very competitively. Bucky pretended to sulk when Steve beat him on the first race.  
“Could at least let the party boy win” he said, pouting in a way that almost left Steve speechless.  
“Hey, we’re both the party boys” he replied, cringing as soon as the words left his mouth, but it made Bucky laugh.  
“That could be the name of our escort service” he said, winking at Steve, who now really was speechless, occupying himself, instead, with choosing the next round.

Several races, drinks, and hours later, Bucky yawned for the third time in 5 minutes. “Okay, I’m officially beat, pick this up tomorrow?” he said, pushing himself up from the couch.  
“Sure thing” Steve smiled, waving Bucky off to bed.

He tidied up the kitchen a little, putting the plastic cups into the recycling before heading off to bed himself.

After their party, they seemed to be actively spending more time together, Bucky had made it his own personal mission to master every video game Steve owned, and Steve had been struggling to get back into his art. He drew a few stray lines on a page before erasing them and starting over. He repeated this same process until finally giving up and tossing it aside, grabbing the second controller and playing alongside Bucky.

They’d come to an agreement that they would alternate who went food shopping, it seemed fair, and when they tried to go together, they wound up acting like sugar craving pre-teens, Bucky throwing bags of jelly beans and cookies and all the snack food he could see, Steve dedicated only to finding turkey dinosaurs.

There were still the odd couple of days where Bucky was nowhere to be seen and Steve was left wondering, as he always did, where it was he vanished off to.

“God, you two are so domestic” Natasha laughed when she and Clint were next over. Steve hadn’t been expecting them, but he wasn’t exactly swamped with work.  
“Hey dude, how’s life treatin’ ya?” Clint had wrapped him in a tight hug, leaving Natasha to close the door behind him.  
“Where’s the other guy?” he asked, noticing Steve was alone in the apartment.  
“Oh, he’s out, should be home around 3ish” Steve explained, tapping the post it note that was stuck behind a magnet on the fridge.

They stuck around all afternoon, despite Clint’s constant complaining that there was no food in the apartment.  
“Yeah sorry, haven’t gone shopping yet” Steve shrugged,  
“well, It’s Bucky’s turn this week.” he explained as he told them about their little routine.

Steve was acutely aware of how right Natasha was, he felt overly domestic whenever he spoke about life with Bucky, as if they were a newly moved in couple, learning to navigate life with one another. But he forced himself not to dwell on these feelings, especially when Natasha laughed at him, asking when lover boy would be home, noticing the clock already way past 3.

It was almost eerie when right on cue they heard a key in the lock, Bucky letting himself in. Steve could feel Natasha and Clint waiting for the inevitable _Honey, I’m home_. But instead Bucky called out,  
“Steve, I gotta get some food” as he burst into the lounge, looking for his wallet. “Oh hey guys” he said when he was greeted with Natasha and Clint’s manic grins.  
“You’re getting food?” Clint jumped up quickly, “I'll come with” he said, grabbing his jacket from the back of a chair.  
“Er, sure” Bucky said, glancing at Steve quickly who shot him an apologetic look.

The moment the door closed behind them, Natasha leant back in her seat with a small sigh, “Look at our boyfriends… off to the shop together” she said, a spark in her eye as she smirked at Steve.  
“Shut up” Steve glared back, using Clint’s absence as an excuse to change the channel on the TV.  
“You wish he was” Natasha continued, eyes positively glittering as she tried to ruffle Steve’s feathers.  
“What?”  
“Your boyfriend”  
“Fuck off Nat” Steve sighed, shaking his head at her. But Steve couldn’t deny that the four of them together, to him at least, always seemed to feel like a double date, but perhaps that was only wishful thinking.

When Clint and Bucky got back, nearly an hour later, the atmosphere in the room changed completely from the relaxed quiet Steve and Natasha had been sitting in. Clint dumped a box of beers on the table with a loud bang, whilst Bucky unloaded groceries into the freezer, his face so serious and dark he looked like he had his own personal storm raging above his head.

“What happened?” Natasha hissed at Clint, dragging him away from Bucky.  
“Nothing, I swear!” Clint glanced over at Bucky, whose back was still turned, “We were shopping, he asked if I needed to grab anything, I wasn’t going to just not buy them, it was nearly a third off the usual price! Clint pointed to the box of beers. “He didn’t say anything, I was just trying to lighten the vibe, asked him how come he doesn’t drink is all, hasn’t said a word since” Clint finished and Natasha slapped him on the arm.  
“Are you an idiot?” she snapped,  
“Can we all chill out!” Steve whispered furiously, silencing them both, it wasn’t often Steve let himself become angry.  
“It’s fine Steve, we’re gunna go” Natasha said, looking at Clint sternly like he was a child who’d been acting up.  
“Okay… see you soon?” Steve said, wishing they wouldn’t go, but the air around Bucky was radiating through the apartment like a fire, that even Steve wanted to escape from.

The second the door closed behind them Steve turned to find Bucky, who was stood filling a glass with water at the sink. “Bucky?” Steve asked cautiously, “what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing” Bucky said suddenly, not quite angry, proceeding to drink the entire glass of water before putting the empty glass in the sink with a defeated sigh, turning away to go to his room.

Steve waited all evening, every time he passed Bucky’s door he lingered for a second, spending every other second in his room, staring at their shared wall, and wishing he had x ray vision.   
Bucky stayed hiding out for the rest of the evening, only emerging when Steve himself was in bed, the dark making sounds sound louder, as he heard Bucky’s door push open slowly and footsteps walking towards the lounge. Steve stayed where he was, the glow from his phone lit up his face among the darkness as he focussed on what he could hear, until he heard the small telltale click of Bucky’s door closing again.

The days that followed it was like time had rewound, Bucky was closed off again, now that Steve knew Bucky and the fun they had together making it so much worse.

It was almost a week before Steve spoke to him again, Bucky always having disappeared before Steve was even awake, home after sunset. The time he spent at home he stayed shut away by himself or acting like Steve was invisible to him.  
When Steve was finally the first one awake one morning, and Bucky eventually emerged,, sitting beside Steve on the couch and apologising. “You don’t have to talk to me, but we’re friends, don’t act like I don’t exist” Steve said, looking at Bucky whose eyes looked tired and sad and terrified all at once. But they were still the same ever distracting bright blue.  
“I want to” Bucky said hesitantly, “I guess I should” he said, closing his eyes for a few seconds too long.  
“Bucky…” Steve started, placing a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the pang in his chest when he flinched away.

Steve was sitting sideways on the couch, cross legged and facing Bucky, who was sitting on the edge of the couch, wringing his hands again, Steve could almost see his mind ticking at a million miles an hour.  
“I had a sister” He started slowly, hesitating after he said it but not looking at Steve. “I was only 19, she… Becca asked me to pick her up, we were on our way home, it was only a 20 minute drive, at most I think.” Steve could see Bucky’s eyes beginning to brim with tears and wanted desperately to be able to take his pain away.  
“But we lived way out, like, fuck all anywhere around, stupid roads with a million bends, and there was a car coming the other way… I never even saw it, the bastard didn’t even stop, he was going way too fast… way too fast. ‘Cause suddenly, I was on the ground, and the car was…” Steve wanted to stroke the tears off Bucky’s cheeks as he took a shaky breath.

“And Becca was still in the car, it was deafening, then a part of the windshield was sticking out my arm, but I was far enough away from the blast… Becca didn’t stand a chance."

Bucky stopped and took a couple of breaths, still not looking at Steve who was threatening tears himself.   
“They never looked into it, the guy stank like a brewery when they found him, case closed. But I’d had a couple of drinks that evening… maybe if I hadn’t…” Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s arm.  
“It wasn’t your fault Buck” He said, a tear escaping as Bucky turned to him, his eyes red and tear stains down his cheeks.  
“They didn’t think so, my parents, they always blamed me, I mean… I guess they didn’t want me to end up on the street, so they gave me my inheritance early, enough to keep me on my feet, but that was it, as far as they’re concerned, I'm not part of the family”.  
“They cut you off?” Steve tightened his grip on Bucky’s arm, wishing he knew how to comfort him.  
“It was my fault, I’ve got a permanent reminder of that” Bucky said quietly and Steve reached a hand over to Bucky’s metal one. He didn’t know if he could feel anything with it, or how it really worked, but he held on, feeling the cool metal as he wrapped his fingers around it, wishing Bucky was a secret telepath and could hear everything Steve wanted to say.

Bucky leaned onto Steve’s chest, letting himself cry, and Steve held him, stroking his hair out of his face, wrapping his arms around him and holding him as tight as he could, as if maybe, if he held on tight enough he could somehow put him back together. Bucky’s hair was now in Steve’s face and he worried for a moment he was crying over it, as his own tears fell, but he just kissed the top of his head and told him everything was okay.  
“I’m here, I’m always here, It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault, I’m sorry” he was rambling, and he didn’t know if he was helping or making everything worse, but he couldn’t bear to let him go.

When Bucky eventually calmed down, he sat up, away from Steve, hastily trying to wipe his eyes, embarrassed.  
“I’m sorry” he said and Steve wanted to cry again,  
“Don’t. You have nothing to be sorry for” he assured him, watching as Bucky stood up, smiled softly at him and walked away. Steve heard his bedroom door close gently and laid his head back, breathing slowly, just thinking about everything, finally understanding Bucky, closing his eyes as thought of Bucky swarmed his head. He had this smell… something that now lingered around Steve now, and it was intoxicating. 

It wasn’t long before Steve headed to bed himself, finding himself laying in bed and staring at the wall he knew Bucky was on the other side of. Mind still racing, not able to get him out of his head, seeing him that way had felt like being stabbed in the chest. He just felt it all, the whole time he’d sat holding him, and now as he lay alone in bed, he felt like he had been made to do just that.

Somewhere along the lines, Steve fell asleep. Only to be woken by a soft whimpering sound. Steve glanced at his clock and saw it was 5am, deciding it must have been a dream, he rolled over and closed his eyes, but then he heard it again. It was a muffled noise, and he couldn’t make out any distinct words, but he sat up suddenly, staring at the wall, the magnolia suddenly seeming to stretch out for miles when he realised it was Bucky. He waited a minute longer, just to make sure, but when the sound came again, Steve jumped out of bed and was suddenly outside Bucky’s room, his door slightly ajar, letting Steve be able to carefully push it open, just enough to slide through.

Bucky was laying on his side, his face screwed up in pain, his lips moving, letting out small sounds, shaking his head a little, and when Steve saw a tear roll over the bridge of his nose he walked to the side of the bed, gently putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and squeezing gently, stroking his thumb around in circles.

“It’s okay” he whispered, repeating himself a few times, using the hand on his shoulder to rock him gently, as if he were comforting a baby, staying there until Bucky’s face relaxed, he stopped moving and sighed quietly in his sleep.   
Steve hovered for a minute longer, just watching him sleep, looking at his face that had softened and stilled. Steve tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear before quietly leaving and heading back to bed, struggling to fall back to sleep.

In the days that followed that first nightmare, Steve took it upon himself to try and distract Bucky at every change he could.   
Bucky had woken the following morning, dark circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept, but still smiled at Steve when he emerged from his room, filling a mug with hot coffee and handing it to him. Steve insisted they go out and do something fun; Bucky had agreed but was already stifling a yawn.

They headed to the park, only a 10 minute walk away, strolling through the trees together and stopping at one of the food trucks.  
“Order whatever you want, my treat” Steve said, cutting Bucky off when he started to protest.   
They walked slightly further down the path before finding an empty bench, silently digging into their sandwiches, Steve stealing glances at Bucky every few seconds, not sure why he was hoping that a sub might make up for a night of bad dreams. He was starting to focus too much on Bucky that he hadn’t noticed a few pieces of lettuce falling out from his own sub, until there were two or three birds at his feet. Bucky swinging his legs, aiming his feet at the birds, trying to scare them away, but it barely had any effect.

“Shall we walk?” Steve proposed, “I hate birds” he added with a small embarrassed laugh.  
“Birds huh?” Bucky mumbled, laughing at Steve as he stood up to follow him as he lead the way back from where they had come.  
“Yeah, I dunno they just freak me out a bit” Steve laughed, shrugging it off.  
“Didn’t think there’d be anything you’re scared of” Bucky said, surprised, smiling at Steve’s small frown, “I’m just saying… You look like you could fight… like, 10 birds no problem” he said, making Steve smile, he rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding Bucky’s eyes, not knowing what to say.

“Um, okay” he said awkwardly and Bucky laughed loudly, throwing an arm around Steve’s shoulders as they walked along together.

Neither of them said much until they arrived home, Steve trying to ignore the way Bucky’s arm felt around him, ignoring the small smile Bucky had on his face whenever Steve stole a few looks at him, his hair falling into his eyes when he looked down the street before they crossed the road.

Bucky only moved his arm when they reached their building, pulling out his key from his pocket, several keyrings attached that Steve had never noticed before. He was able to make out a small photo hanging off it, of the girl from the photos in Bucky’s room, his sister, before the door swung open.  
Bucky held it open for Steve, like a true gentleman and Steve laughed as he walked through, kicking off his shoes and leaving them abandoned, strewn out across the hall, only for Bucky to kick them to one side, taking off his own and laying them side by side next to them.

Bucky disappeared that afternoon, Steve still wasn’t sure where it was he went but he decided not to mind anymore.  
So, left alone, he pulled out his sketchbook, laying out his pencils on his bed, sitting back against the pillows as he thought about the day, and slowly his pencil began to move.   
Sketching out the bench he and Bucky had sat on, drawing three birds pecking at the ground, turning the page and drawing two men, picturing Bucky as he drew the detail in his hair, trying to draw himself, shoulder to shoulder with Bucky, but soon found himself stuck, and followed his thoughts, turning another page and starting fresh.  
Humming quietly to himself as he sketched a strong jaw, black bomber jacket that stretched tight across one shoulder, dark hair falling into one of his eyes. Steve’s pencil moving quickly as he drew the keychain dangling from his fingers, pushing himself to draw the details of the girl with the dark hair, longer than Bucky’s, her young face in the tiny photo frame. It hadn’t felt like much time had passed at all, but all of a sudden he had Bucky’s face looking up at him from his pad, metal fingers grasping a metal key.

Steve sighed, ripping the page from the book and starting a new one, Bucky, this time laying on the couch, one leg bent up beneath him, the other stretched out along the length of the couch, play station controller in his hands, the right sleeve of his shirt pushed up to his elbows, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

Steve himself had completely zoned out, concentrating as he tried to capture Bucky’s likeness, that he didn’t hear the door open, until he heard it close, making him jump and drop his pencil, quickly putting his things away, closing the first picture of Bucky inside the book. He wanted to rush out and see Bucky, but he felt guilty somehow, like he’d invaded his privacy, so he stayed put until he heard another door close and knew Bucky had gone into his own room.  
Steve dragged himself from his bed then, putting together a sandwich in the kitchen and taking it back to bed with him, without a plate.

At some point he must have drifted off, because the next time he woke it was gone 2am, he pulled the cover up to his chin and closed his eyes tight, wondering what had woken him, until he realised he’d heard Bucky again.

He stared at their wall, wide eyes, wondering if it was a good idea, before getting up, just like the night before, kneeling beside Bucky’s bed, one hand on his forearm as the other stroked his hair softly.  
“Shh It’s okay” he quietened him, staying until Bucky had settled back to sleep, before heading back to bed, unable to sleep, mind full of Bucky and his dreams.

This became the routine for the next week, Bucky seemed happy during the day, making jokes and laughing with Steve, but at night, Steve would always be woken by Bucky dreaming, crying in his sleep, shaking his head in distress, until Steve stroked his hair and soothed him gently back to sleep.  
He wasn’t sure if Bucky was aware of anything that went on during these hours, but after a while he seemed to stop being around as much, Steve was used to him disappearing by now, but even when he was there, he was quiet and closed off.   
Making excuses to stay in his room, complaining of headaches and often, despite Steve’s own nighttime ventures to rock him back to sleep, Bucky would have dark circles under his eyes in the morning.

Steve had started calling Natasha several times a week, whenever Bucky wasn’t in the house, asking for advice, but every conversation seemed to make Steve feel worse, worrying about Bucky and feeling at a loss whenever he didn’t see him for days on end.

He tried to throw himself into his art but found himself unable to draw or focus on anything other than Bucky.  
“Do you think he’s depressed?” Steve asked Natasha one afternoon, she had come over while Clint was out with some mates, checking in on Steve.  
“I don’t know, but there’s not a lot you can do even if he is” she tried to tell him, but even she could see how invested Steve was. “You guys are pretty close huh?” she asked, a small smile playing on her lips,  
“Yeah… we’re friends”  
“You really care about him,” she said, more of a statement than any kind of question.  
“I mean, I’ve been living with the guy for a few months” Steve shrugged,  
“Listen Steve, I shouldn’t get involved but I can see you’re not about to let this go” she said, writing something down and handing it to Steve. “I know this guy, he’s sort of a PTSD expert I guess” she explained.  
“Thankyou Nat, really” Steve leaned in and hugged her gratefully.  
“So, what’s new with you anyway?” he asked, tucking the phone number until the front pocket of his shirt.  
“Oh.. you know, Clint’s decided archery is the new best thing, had an arrow come in through the window yesterday, so I've gotta ring someone about a replacement,” she laughed.  
“Sounds like fun” Steve laughed along with her, it sounded like hell but he could see the look of endearment in her eyes.  
“Yeah, I think he’s having some sort of early midlife crisis, but it’s been pretty fun.” she said, her smile taking over her face. “He shot my favorite jacket the other day but bought me like a thousand roses as an apology so I can’t really complain.''

The two of them had been together almost the entire time Steve had known them, and before that they were the best of friends, Steve had just been waiting for Clint to propose for what felt like forever.

Natasha’s phone vibrated along the table suddenly, bringing them both out of thought.   
She picked it up, rolling her eyes as she read the message.  
“His car’s broken down” she announced; half amused, half unimpressed as she typed a message in response.

“I guarantee he spent his money on that damn bow instead of putting as in his car” she sighed, pushing her chair out from the table as she stood up to leave.  
“I dunno how you do it Nat” Steve laughed, walking with her to the front door,  
“Me either, but he means well, and I’m in too deep now anyway” she shrugged, giving him another quick hug. “I’m always here Steve, hope you and Bucky are okay” she smiled, kissing him softly on the cheek before leaving.

Bucky wasn’t home until late that evening and Steve toyed with the idea of calling the number Natasha had given him. Typing the numbers into his phone and then deleting them over and over until he’d heard Bucky come home, which was when he threw his phone down, laying down on his bed on top of the covers fully dressed, listening as Bucky moved around.

He heard the kitchen tap, and a couple of bangs, which was clearly him kicking shoes off into the wall, and finally his bedroom door shut quietly. Steve continued to stare at the cream wall until everything went silent. And only then did he pull of his shirt, put the phone number down on his nightstand underneath his phone and crawl into bed.

It took Steve nearly a week to dial the number and actually press call,  
“Hello, this is Sam” the voice said at the other end of the line,  
“Hi, my name’s Steve, I got your number from Natasha Romanoff, I hope that’s okay” Steve said quickly, hoping he wasn’t out of line.  
“Hi Steve, yeah of course”   
“Heard you’re a bit of a PTSD expert?” Steve asked,  
“Yeah, I guess, I run a support group, is that something that interests you?” Sam asked and Steve quickly wondered how he could explain his situation.  
“Well it’s not for me… I have this friend, well room mate and I’m not sure but… I just don’t know how to help him” Steve rambled; Sam was quiet for a moment.  
“Well it’s quite difficult, there’s not a lot I can do unless he wants to help himself”. They spoke for a while, but ultimately until Bucky was ready to recognise it himself, the best thing Steve could do was to simply be there for him.

Over the next few weeks, Steve spoke to Sam regularly and they’d slowly become friends.   
Sam opened up to Steve, and told him about how he’d lost his best friend during a stint in Afghanistan, he’d found it incredibly difficult to come home, he’d gone to a few support groups and found people who had gone through similar experiences. He talked about finding himself an apartment and taking up regular exercise to help deal with his frustrations, and how it’d led to him running his own PTSD support groups for people who might need the support he once did.

The two of them had agreed to go for a drink, meeting at a bar half way between the two of them, Steve drinking so much he had to buzz for Bucky to let him in when he got home, not being able to figure out the key.

They’d then started running together, they’d meet early in the mornings a couple of times a week and Steve found it starting to help. It was good, he’d leave at 7am, and it was fun, seeing the people who were out at that time in the morning, how it was the time the birds started waking up as the sun rose.

By the time he got home, Bucky was either out for the day, or would be making breakfast. It had become a daily challenge for Steve after the first time he’d come home.  
“How did you do?” Bucky asked,  
“What do you mean?” Steve had asked with a small frown,  
“How far did you run?”  
“Oh, I don’t know” Steve admitted, but ever since, he always kept track of how far he’d gone, his furthest so far had been 5 miles. He looked forward to coming home, and Bucky always seemed to enjoy finding out the new distance.

Steve had even started running on the days Sam couldn’t make it, enjoying the routine of an early start to get his brain into gear, becoming absorbed in the music of his earphones, each step becoming muscle memory, he didn’t have to think, it being nice to shut off, just him and the early morning air.

Bucky seemed to snap in and out of his moods, one day he would be his usual happy self, angrily losing to Steve on mario kart, or asking him what he wanted for dinner, ordering in food and insisting Steve let him pay. And the next day he would be grumpy and silent and locked away in his own head.

One morning Steve climbed out of the shower to the smell of burning, Bucky was trying to make french toast but it wasn’t going too well, Steve had emerged into the room, blinking through the haze and took over from him, finishing the toast while Bucky swatted at the smoke.

They sat across from each other at the table, Steve’s hair still wet from his post run shower, dripping onto the table when his phone started vibrating,  
“Hey Sam” Steve answered, glancing up at Bucky as he pushed his chair out from the table and left the room.  
“Hey, I was thinking about what you said this morning”  
“About the dreams?” Steve said as he closed the front door behind him, continuing the conversation from the hallway.

“Who was that?” Bucky asked when Steve sat back down opposite him.  
“Just a friend” Steve said, not meeting his eye.  
“Okay” was all Bucky said, moving to his room silently.

This seemed to become a pattern, it was uncanny how often Sam seemed to call when Bucky was around.

Bucky had been so happy recently, thought he still donned the dark circles under his eyes like he wasn’t getting enough sleep, but he had been chatty and funny and always there to spend time with Steve. Steve was beginning to feel guilty about it, the amount of times he’d felt hurt by Bucky’s disappearing acts, and now he was the one not being honest.

Bucky had started to pick up on things, not saying anything, just shutting himself away in his room again, leaving Steve to watch a film on the couch, hoping the loud explosions and sounds of gunfire would draw Bucky out to see what was going on, when his phone rang.

Steve hesitated outside Bucky’s door before knocking, “Hey Bucky” he called,  
“Hmm” he heard from the other side of the door, which Steve took to mean come in, and gently pushed the door open, standing in the doorway and looking around quickly, finding it almost strange seeing the room in daylight, the sun streaming in through the window, bed made perfectly, and of course, Bucky, incredibly conscious in the middle of it all, and right now; looking at Steve expectantly.

“I just spoke to Natasha, and she and Clint are heading up to their lake house this weekend and we’re invited, if you want to, or don’t have plans, it’s totally up to you” Steve said quickly.  
“Yeah sure!” Bucky agreed with a quick smile. “Okay great! It’s amazing, there’s this amazing bakery so close and they’ve got their own hot tub” Steve trailed off when he noticed Bucky’s forced smile and slight frown. Steve’s own eyes darting to Bucky’s prosthetic arm, which he immediately regretted. Feeling guilty for even looking at it.

“And the views are amazing” he added, trying to change the subject.  
“When are they going?” Bucky asked, relaxing a little,  
“Tomorrow, but we can go up Saturday if that’s easier”  
“Tomorrow’s good” Bucky smiled, and Steve matched his grin.  
“I’ve gotta start packing!” Steve said excitedly, going to his room and digging out his suitcase, packing his own swim shorts just in case, even though he already knew if Bucky wasn’t going in, there was no way he would be either.

The next day, they took the morning to get ready, taking it in turns to shower and finish getting their things together, leaving the house for 10am, piling their bags into Steve’s car, Steve laughing at the bag of snacks Bucky had put together.  
"It’s only a couple of hours” Steve laughed,  
“_Only a couple of hours_” Bucky mocked as he climbed into the passenger seat, lasting only 5 minutes before opening the first bag of sweets.  
“Really Buck, already?” Steve glanced over at him, Bucky shrugged,  
“you want one?” he asked, offering the bag to Steve.  
“I’ll get one in a minute” Steve said, looking back to the road. He heard another rustle of the bag,  
“Open” Bucky said, his hand hovering beside Steve’s face. He obeyed him, opening his mouth for the sweet. Trying to ignore the heat rushing to his face as Bucky’s finger brushed his lip after the sweet landed on his tongue, trying to concentrate on the road ahead, feeling his chest tighten. He risked another glance at Bucky, who was chewing something himself, looking out the window, a smile on his lips as he hummed a song.

They made it through the first hour before stopping, Steve had tried to put it off for the past 15 minutes but Bucky had finally wore him down.  
“Steve the next stop is so close now”  
“Steve if you don’t stop, I swear to god I won’t let you drive anymore”  
“You better stop unless you want me to piss in your car”.

The second Steve switched the engine off Bucky leapt out the door, rushing to the toilets, while Steve idly wandered around the shop, reading the backs of several books before placing them back on the shelves.

Bucky found Steve flicking through a magazine that looked at least mildly interesting, jumping up behind him and slamming his hands down on his shoulders, making him jump out of his skin, slapping at him with the magazine as he laughed.  
“Shall we get a drink?” Bucky asked, and Steve agreed; they’d already stopped so why fight it. Bucky insisted they sit in the coffee shop, nursing his hot chocolate for so long Steve knew he was doing it on purpose.   
He’d bought the two of them hot chocolates with all the trimmings, a smug look on his face when Steve had made an appreciative sound after the first sip. Bucky now sitting with a cream moustache, eating a flake he was holding like it was a cigarette. “You’re such an idiot” Steve laughed, shaking his head.

When they arrived at the house Natasha and Clint both rushed out the door to greet them, both squealing and throwing their arms around both of them at once in a tight hug before grabbing their bags, letting Steve and Bucky follow them inside empty handed.

Bucky was given the tour, looking around in awe at the lake that stretched out, the hills in the distance and the trees that surrounded everything, somehow looking the greenest green he’d ever seen.

The whole house smelt of strawberries and it took for Bucky’s tour to end for Steve to finally ask why.

“Oh god” Natasha groaned as soon as the words left Steve’s lips.  
“I’m making jam” Clint announced, a devilish smile on his face. Steve looked at Natasha, intrigued,  
“is this a new hobby?” he asked, and she shook her head,  
“I wish”.  
“Hey come here!” Clint said excitedly, grabbing Bucky’s arm and pulling him over to the stove where a large pan of jam was simmering. He quickly dipped a wooden spoon into it and blew on it gently before holding it up to Bucky’s mouth. After the spoonful, Bucky turned to Steve, eyes wide,  
“It’s amazing” he said, and Clint fist bumped the air.

“So, the archery?” Steve asked, turning his attention back to Natasha.

“Still going,” she said, gesturing outside to where a target was hanging on one of the trees.  
“He’s actually gotten pretty good” she said with a smile.  
Clint said something that sounded a lot like _Fuck yeah_ through a mouthful of jam.

The afternoon flew by quickly, Steve and Bucky’s bags were taken to their prospective rooms, just opposite the hall from each other, and Steve hoped he would still hear Bucky if the nightmares decided to strike over the weekend.

When the evening started to draw in, Clint produced a case of beer as the four of them sat outside in four different mismatched chairs, nobody offering one to Bucky this time.

Steve had seen Natasha and Clint drunk together a thousand times before and knew how they always became very touchy feely with each other, but this time all he could think was how happy it made him to see Bucky enjoying himself, laughing out loud when Clint tried to lick Natasha’s cheek, who then shoved him off his chair.

As they sat out by the lake, the sun began to set on them, the light becoming a beautiful combination of pinks and oranges, and every time Steve so much as looked at Bucky, he found himself not sure of what to do with himself. Bucky sitting across from him in all the colours of the sky, gazing out at the water, all Steve could do was drink.

After a while, Steve asked Clint to pass him another drink,  
“Aye aye cap’n” Clint smirked as he handed it over, making Natasha groan and Bucky raise his eyebrows in interest, Steve springing into action as soon as the words left Clint’s mouth, standing up onto his chair and looking up to the sky.  
“Oh captain my captain!” he shouted and Clint dissolved into laughter. Bucky looked over at Natasha for some sort of explanation.  
“Don’t even ask, he studied this poem in school and for some reason he always remembers parts of it when he gets hammered” she rolled her eyes. Bucky looked between Natasha to Steve, who had a giddy smile on his face, eyes bright with laugher, Bucky’s own eyes lighting up as he followed suit, standing up and locking eyes with Steve as he did so.

“Oh captain, my captain! Our fearful trip is done” he recited from heard, making Steve positively light up, throwing his arms into the air as Bucky continued.  
“Where on the deck my captain lies, fallen cold and dead” he finished with a flourish, looking at Natasha’s less than amused face, Clint aiming his phone at him, filming the performance.

Several more drinks in Clint demanded they find out who could drink an entire beet the quickest, Natasha counting down from 3 as both Clint and Steve raised the bottle to their lips.

Clint finished long before Steve did, leaving Bucky laughing,  
“Proud of you anyway,” he said to Steve who waited only a minute before demanding a rematch. Bucky leant in close before they began, his lips only inches from Steve’s ear, “I’m rooting for you” he whispered, his warm breath on Steve’s skin making his heart race, he quickly turned to shoot him a smile as he grabbed the beer, swallowing it down, and slamming the empty bottle down on the table, mere seconds before Clint did.  
“Fuck yeah!” Steve shouted, leaping out of his seat.

He looked round to Bucky who was cheering him on, the pink sky illuminating his face, making his eyes stand out even more than ever, blue and bright and electric, and as Steve looked at him in that moment, he realised all he wanted to do was grab his face and kiss him with all that he had.

After that, Steve sat back down, not making eye contact with Bucky and slowing down with the drinks, turning down the next one Clint offered him, instead picking at the food Natasha had laid out and slowly sobering up a little. Just enough to keep up with the conversation, laughing and throwing the odd chip at Clint from across the table. His head was still spinning with the way Bucky had been making him feel.

When, at last, Clint was so out of it, Natasha decided it was time for her to drag his sorry ass to bed.  
“Shall we head in too?” Bucky asked Steve, standing up and grabbing his phone from the table. Steve followed him into the house, where Bucky fell onto the couch, finding the remote and flicking the TV on.  
“Reckon there’s anything on?” he asked, laughing lightly as Steve sat down beside him.

Barely ten minutes had ticked by when Steve felt his eyelids growing weaker and noticed Bucky yawning over and over until he finally gave in.

Steve had been about to wake him gently and tell him to go to bed, but Bucky’s head lolled to the side and fell against Steve, his head leaning on his chest, and suddenly Steve didn’t want to move. Steve sat and watched him, his face soft and relaxed for once, hair fanning out over Steve’s chest, he ran his fingers through a couple of times, watching his eyes move beneath their lids, one arm dangling off the edge of the couch, the other flat on his stomach, legs bent in an angle that shouldn’t have been comfortable to sleep in, but here he was, sound asleep nonetheless.

Steve stayed mesmerised until Bucky’s slow breathing against Steve’s chest started to make him tired, his own breath syncing with his, drifting off with the smell of Bucky’s hair filling his head.

It had been uncanny, for over a week, like clockwork, Steve had woken somewhere between 2:30 and 3am to Bucky restlessly rolling in his sleep, but laying on the couch with him, it somehow never came.

Steve woke up several hours later, letting his eyes adjust to the dark room before reaching for his phone for the time. 4.57am. He frowned slightly at his phone before realising how soundlessly Bucky had slept through, smiling sleepily down at him where he stayed asleep, quiet and peaceful against Steve as though he was a safety blanket.   
He desperately wanted to let him carry on sleeping, to stay with him on the couch but now he was awake he noticed his neck felt stiff and he was aching for the comfort of his bed. He sat slowly, gently shaking Bucky into consciousness as he did, smiling at him when Bucky nodded sleepily at him, heading towards the stairs silently, like he was a child whose parents had sent him to bed. Steve found it hard to conceal his smile as he followed him.

“Goodnight” Steve whispered across the hall as they went into their separate rooms.


	2. Goose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve struggles with Bucky and Goose the cat brings them back together.

The next morning, Steve woke up with a hangover headache and an ache in his chest from the memory of Bucky sleeping against his chest.

It was already late morning, nearly lunchtime by the time he chose to emerge from his room, Natasha, Clint and Bucky were all sitting together around the small kitchen table, Clint discarding the wrapper of his power bar, Bucky and Natasha both nursing mugs of coffee.

“Morning sleepyhead” Clint said, spraying a bunch of crumbs at Steve as he did.  
“Hey Clint, need the energy already?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at the wrapper he’d left on the table, risking a glance at Bucky, pretending he didn’t notice the way his heart hammered in his chest when he shot him a smile.  
“Yeah, about that” Cint was saying, bringing Steve’s attention back to him, “Can you two head out for a bit?” he said with a smirk,  
“Yeah…” Steve said hesitantly, looking to Natasha for an explanation, but she avoided his eyes.  
“It’s just, we’ve got, you know, the lake house and the views and the hot tub and some strawberry flavoured…”  
“Okay okay okay, got it!” Steve interrupted as Clint laughed at the look on his face. “Please stop talking” he sighed, looking to Bucky and Natasha who had both become a mess of giggles.  
“We’ll head out for lunch?” Steve asked Bucky who managed to stop laughing long enough to agree.

Less than an hour later the two of them headed out.  
“Are you going to take me to this bakery?” Bucky asked excitedly,  
“Yep” Steve grinned, fighting the impulse to grab Bucky’s hand as they walked.

It wasn’t far, 2 miles down the road, they followed the same stony road until they arrived at the small row of shops, a small convenience store, a local fruit and veg supplier and the bakery.

It had an awning outside, one small table and chairs set up underneath it. It was run by an elderly couple, baking all the homemade pies and cakes themselves. There was a music playing quietly and flowery wallpaper on the walls inside, it gave off the sort of vibe that Bucky couldn’t help but smile at.

They stood at the counters, looking at all the options, Steve mumbling to himself as he went back and forth over what he wanted, changing his mind a hundred times, despite having been to that very shop 50 times before. He managed to eventually settle on a cheese and bacon pastry and a donut with strawberry sauce and chocolate sprinkles.  
He turned to find out what Bucky wanted but instead saw him waiting a metre behind him, paper bag already in hand. He smiled, laughing as Steve finally handed the money over.

“What did you get?” he asked when he reached Bucky’s side,  
“Sausage rolls and a triple chocolate muffin” he grinned, “Can’t go wrong.”  
“Honestly I have the same issue every time, I completely suck at making my mind up” Steve admitted, making Bucky laugh again.  
“I can see why” he grinned at him, “Where are we going now though? Guessing we shouldn’t head back yet…” he asked Steve who pulled a face.  
“Gross, and I don’t know” he said, looking around for inspiration, Bucky following his line of sight.  
“You’re not gunna make me climb that hill are ya?” he asked and Steve shook his head,  
“Of course not”  
“Oh okay” Bucky said staring up at it,  
“I mean… Unless you want to?” Steve asked, watching Bucky’s eyes,  
“Kind of” Bucky broke out into a grin when Steve shrugged and started walking towards the path that lead to the bottom.  
“Lets go”.

Halfway up the hill, Steve was swearing, several steps behind Bucky.  
"Alright back there Steve-o?” Bucky called back to him,  
“Yeah- shit, yeah I just keep dropping sprinkles” Steve said as Bucky turned to see Steve trying to hike up the hill and eat his donut simultaneously. They didn’t speak much as the climbed, it wasn’t very steep, just enough that they were both out of breath by the time they reached the top.

“Okay, now, I deserve this” Bucky said, mainly to himself as he pulled out the chocolate muffin. Steve watched him, briefly wondering if this is how he treated himself, not feeling as though he deserved anything good unless he’d accomplished something.  
The thought filled him with sadness that merged into something else altogether as he carried on watching him. Bucky was stood near the edge, looking out over the cliff at the thick forest below, the sun still high in the sky, the lake just visible amongst the trees, the small boat mooring giving away the lake house.  
Bucky seemed to be in a trance, face tilted towards the sky, the sun shining down on him, reflecting off the metal fingers that dangled at his side.   
His other hand was holding the muffin, like he was holding it up to see the view.   
He had a small smile on his face that made his eyes shine. He looked so content standing atop of the hill that Steve somehow felt guilty for them almost not climbing it.   
The lake in the distance looked so blue and Steve was in awe of how perfect the sun seemed to shine on it, the reflection of the trees so clear he almost believed they were real.  
Being up there, with chocolate sprinkles and dirt on his trainers, starting to sweat under his hair, with Bucky, who must be sweltering in his long sleeved top and long hair, it felt like the perfect spot to kiss him.

He almost considered it, but he hated to ruin such a perfect moment. Instead, just letting himself stand beside Bucky, who had begun to eat the muffin silently, turning to Steve after, licking the chocolate crumbs from his lips. “Thankyou for bringing me here” he said quietly. And Steve felt his throat constrict with emotion, smiling at him, choosing not to say anything at all.

They didn’t speak much on the walk back to the house, but Steve didn’t mind, he felt that they were so comfortable in each other’s company that the conversation may have ruined it.  
They both paused in the hallway after they’d let themselves in the front door, waiting to hear where Natasha and Clint were in the house. Hearing low voices coming from outside. The two of them were sitting on the edge of the step outside, Natasha holding a glass of wine, both of their hair dripping wet, Clint’s slicked back.  
“Been for a swim?” Steve asked as they came up behind them, making Natasha jump and glare over her shoulder at him.  
“Yeah it got pretty hot” Clint winked. “In the sun!” he said when Steve pretended to gag.

Steve had gone inside to get changed a while later, about to close the door behind him when he heard Natasha coming up behind him.  
“Hey, good day?” he asked, knowing, unlike Clint, she wouldn’t give away more than necessary.  
“Yeah, did you?” she said, her eyes asking a different question.  
“It was really good”.  
“Hey, I found something, when you were out” Natasha said, following him further into his room.  
“Don’t be mad, I was going round opening the windows, and this was like… sticking out of your bag,” she said, pulling Steve’s sketchbook out of his unzipped bag underneath the window.

“It’s weird isn’t it” Steve asked, not really sure what to say.  
“Steve, these are incredible” Natasha said flicking through the pages, “this one’s my favourite” she said, landing on one of the pages where Steve had drawn Bucky, asleep on the couch, limbs all hanging off the cushions in different ways, his hair fanned out behind him, falling onto one of his shoulders, his eyes closed, and his eyebrows relaxed just enough to mask the pain. Steve had been proud of it.  
“They’re amazing” Natasha said again, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder, “you okay?”  
“You know there was a moment, we climbed that massive hill, you know the one, and there was a moment at the top where… I don’t know, it just felt like a moment” Steve shrugged.  
“You’ll get there, if it’s going to happen, it will” Natasha said confidently, nodding reassuringly at him, closing the sketchbook.  
“Thanks” Steve said hopefully.

Steve wanted to draw Bucky again, and after Natasha left the room he started to sketch out Bucky, standing so peacefully on the edge of the hill, feeling like a cliché when he thought about how Bucky was much more of a view than the lake could ever be. He drew his hair softly blowing in the breeze when he heard Bucky’s voice shouting up to him.

“Steve, Clint wants to start the barbeque, you coming?” Steve quickly shoved his book back into his bag, heading down to where Bucky was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.  
“I’m starving!” Steve announced as they headed outside, Clint already lighting the barbeque, making empty promises to everyone to not burn the forest down.

Natasha appeared not long later, leaning on the door frame in a red bikini,  
“Hey boys” she said in her best seductive voice, making Clint look up, fanning himself with the tongs he was holding as he let out a breathe,  
“Damn, you are something else” he shook his head in amazement as Natasha laughed him off, grabbing a beer from the box and flicking the on switch for the hot tub.

It took Clint forever to start cooking, insisting it wasn’t quite the right temperature for the meat yet. Nearly an hour later, they finally started eating, Clint stayed standing, flipping burgers more often than they needed, Natasha was in the hot tub, her empty plate discarded on the edge as she leant her head back, sighing with content as the water bubbled around her.

Steve sat on the edge, dangling his feet in the water, swinging his legs back and forth as he finished his last bite. Bucky was sat on one of the flowery chairs, his feet up on another one, his plate still balanced on his knees, empty except for the left over ketchup.  
When Clint finally stepped away from his chef role and climbed into the tub with Natasha, the atmosphere relaxed completely.

Clint managed to build up quite a collection of empty beer bottles behind him as they drank, and Steve could sense Bucky watching him every now and then, somehow seeming to take responsibility for Steve not joining in or drinking because of him. Which of course he was, only it was deeper than that.

“Go on captain” Bucky said trying to hand him another beer, the smirk on his lips and the spark in his eyes left Steve speechless as he took the bottle from his hand, drinking the first sip without breaking eye contact, right up until Bucky started laughing.

The sun was starting to set, and the leaves of the trees were growing darker, casting shadows across the lake, when Steve’s phone started buzzing beside him on the table.

“Hello” he said into the receiver as he pulled his feet from the water and headed inside for some privacy.  
“Hey Steve, bad time?” Sam asked through the phone.  
“No, not at all” Steve assured him, standing in the hallway as they spoke. He was leaning against the bannister of the stairs when he hung up the call, turning to see Bucky just walking round the corner, looking for him.

“Everything okay?” he asked,

“Yeah, sorry” Steve said, flashing him a quick smile that he hoped was convincing.

“It’s just…” Bucky started, his eyes changing from intrigued to hurt in a split second, “You sneaking off to make secret calls isn’t exactly normal,” he said.

“It’s not important” Steve sighed,

“No? Okay, well who even is Sam?” Bucky asked, raising his eyebrows challengingly, Steve wasn’t sure where to look, struggling to meet Bucky’s eyes. The same blue eyes still had the spark that usually shone except now it was a blazing fire.

“He’s a PTSD worker” Steve said flatly.

“What’s going on?” Bucky frowned and Steve desperately didn’t want to explain himself.

“It’s not a big deal.” he said, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“Really Steve? I thought maybe you were secretly dating someone you didn’t want anyone to know about yet, but instead you’re fucking meddling into business that’s nothing to do with you!” Bucky exploded. “I opened up to you, I trusted you! And you threw it in my face with all your support workers and god knows who else, trying to fix me!”

“But-” Steve tried to interject, his voice getting trapped in his throat at the way Bucky was glaring at him

“But nothing! You don’t have the right to try and parent me Steve, I’m not a charity project, you don’t get to take in the broken man and try and fix him, it’s my goddamn life, I’m perfectly aware that I’ve got an entire arm missing but that’s mine too!”.

“I just wanted to help” Steve said quietly.

“Well stop trying”. Bucky hissed, breathing heavily as he took a step towards Steve, forcing him to take one backwards, tears threatening to spill as he looked at Bucky, resentment staring back at him.

“Guys? We okay?” Natasha and Clint had both appeared in the doorway behind them, Natasha’s hair tied up in a bun on the top of her head, a few stray strands dripping water down the back of her neck.  
“Just fine.” Bucky spat at Steve before turning away to stomp up the stairs, leaving Steve frozen, Natasha and Clint waiting for an explanation.  
Once they’d dragged him back outside and were sitting around the small table, Steve tried to figure out what to say, Clint breaking the silence as he cracked his knuckles, making Natasha cringe.  
“I messed up” Steve said tiredly. “I just feel so powerless, I just want to help him.''  
“You can’t force him to accept the help though” Natasha said quietly, placing a perfectly manicured hand on top of Steve’s and squeezing softly.

“Yeah man, Bucky’s great, we love him, but he’s clearly got a lot going on” Clint added.  
“Just go and sleep it off” Natasha suggested, to which Steve nodded, heading off to bed without another word.

He didn’t sleep well that night, waking up several times over the course of the night, lying in bed, convinced he could hear Bucky from across the hall, convincing himself he was having another dream. He talked himself down from going in there, instead laying awake, alone, watching the door as if he could magically make everything better just by wishing it.

When he woke the next morning after having finally fallen asleep, his body ached and his head and heart hurt. It was difficult to pull himself from his bed, but he made himself do it nonetheless, finishing packing all his things, flicking through the pages of his sketchbook before zipping it away into his bag. Once he was ready, bags packed, hair combed, shirt collar folded down just so, he headed downstairs, ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach when he thought about Bucky.

Natasha and Clint were sitting at the table around a bowl of raspberries, Bucky nowhere to be seen.  
“He hasn’t come down yet” Natasha answered Steve’s unspoken question as he pulled out a chair with a cup of coffee. He smiled at her gratefully, taking a gulp of hot coffee, forcing it down.

Almost 30 minutes later, Steve was helping Natasha clear up the kitchen, ready to leave the house empty for another month or so, when they heard footsteps on the stairs. Steve couldn’t help it, his heart leapt. And it took Natasha’s hand on his arm to keep him still, the shake of her head telling him it was a bad idea to rush out there.

So, they carried on putting the plates away, listening to Clint and Bucky talking in the other room, laughing even, and Steve’s hopes immediately lifted.

He waited for Natasha, not wanting to go out alone, his chest tight when he noticed the dark circles underneath Bucky’s eyes.   
But there was a smile plastered on his face as he spoke to Clint, looking up when Natasha hovered nearby, smiling at her, a smile only Steve would have noticed didn’t reach his eyes. Steve watched Bucky, waiting for something, anything, but it somehow stung more when he received nothing, not even a look of acknowledgement. It seemed as though Bucky was going to simply pretend Steve didn’t exist.

The next hour of the morning crawled by, Bucky didn’t look in Steve’s direction once, not even when they started piling their bags into the back of his car. They both hugged Natasha and Clint goodbye, Natasha giving Steve an extra tight hug, whispering to him,  
“Always here”.

“Get home safe boys” Clint waved them off as Steve pulled away.

It was awkward to say the least, Bucky whole body was turned away from Steve, every part of him facing the door, reaching over a couple of times to change the music which made Steve want to change back just to spite him. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

The drive stretched on for what felt like an entire day, they stopped only once and were back in the car in under 5 minutes, until they finally rolled to a stop as they arrived back home. Steve wasn’t sure what to do, he was desperate for Bucky to talk to him, so, impulsively, he locked the doors.  
“Please talk to me” he pleaded with Bucky who turned to glare at him when his door wouldn’t open.  
“Open the doors.” Bucky said calming, eyes burning into Steve’s.  
“Please talk to me first” Steve asked again, feeling like at least he was in control of the situation.  
“I have a metal hand, I can, and I will smash through the glass if I have to, now open the damn doors” Bucky said, still terrifyingly calm, dangerously so that Steve unlocked the door without another word.

They headed upstairs soundlessly, Bucky unlocking the door and letting it close behind him leaving Steve to catch it before it locked.   
The whole day felt tense, like there was a storm raging above only apartment 3B. Bucky barely came out of his room, and Steve couldn’t focus. He emptied his suitcase out onto the chair in the corner of his room, the one that was becoming a second wardrobe, he tried to draw, but ripped a hole through the centre of the page, and in the end he gave in, laying down, tucking himself into bed and tried to sleep.

He slept right through the afternoon, waking up when the sun had already set, deciding to find himself some dinner, he considered staying in the lounge, but any confrontation with Bucky wasn’t worth it, so he carried his plate to his room, unable to sleep when he was finished, his nap keeping him awake late into the night.

He finally managed to become absorbed in his drawing, drawing picture after picture, Bucky with shiny happy eyes, a grin that split his face in half. Bucky serious, a small frown on his face as he slept. Bucky on fire, waves of hostility radiating from him, fists clenched by his sides. He stared at his work, the evolution of Bucky’s and sighed. Which was when he heard him, he should have been expecting it, his clock had just clicked past 2.30am, and Bucky was stirring. Steve didn’t hesitate, leaping out of bed, he opened Bucky’s door slowly and watched him for a moment, his fist was clenched so tightly, his face screwed up, wet with tears as he let out a small sound of pain, thrashing and becoming more and more twisted under his covers.

Steve sat carefully on the edge of the bed, soothing him softly, stroking his hair, and laying his hand gently on top of Bucky’s cold metal one, wondering if he felt anything as he stroked circles with his thumb. It took a while, but soon Bucky started to relax, his breathing still ragged, tears starting to gather at the base of his throat. He rolled over, and Steve got ready to dash away if he woke, but instead, still in a deep sleep, Bucky took ahold of Steve, gripping his sleeve, the knuckles of his human hand brushing the skin of Steve’s wrist. His heart broke for him, he wondered how long Bucky had been having these dreams with no one to comfort him, and even when Bucky’s hand loosened its grip and fell away, Steve struggled to leave the room.

He sat outside the door, leaving it slightly ajar, and leant his back against the wall. Closing his eyes, listening to Bucky breathe, and ready to fly back to his side if he needed him. When he eventually felt his eyes drooping, he took himself back to bed, closing his eyes again the minute his head hit the pillow.

The next week was one of the worst Steve could remember, he couldn’t relax, he found himself heading out to the bookstore, or to the coffee shop, even when Bucky wasn’t home, just to be able to relax without feeling on edge about when or if Bucky was suddenly going to come home.

One of the baristas at the coffee shop had started asking him about his project, assuming that’s why he was there most days. Which was a fair assumption given his sketch pads and pencils sprawled over the table, a corner booth which had become _his booth_.  
After endless cups of coffee he’d began to strike up a friendship with one of the young barista's, Peter, who seemed to work most days.

After the first week, Steve decided enough was enough, and started playing nice instead. Bucky still hardly spoke to him, only thanking him if he happened to hold a door open, and would say goodnight if Steve said it first. But Steve was determined to get more. He caught Bucky early one morning, Steve was up and making coffee, quickly pouring Bucky a cup when he appeared in the room, using his favourite mug, and handing it to him with a bright smile.  
“Morning Bucky” He said cheerily, receiving only a grunt in response. “Sleep well?” he asked, even though he knew that he hadn’t, Steve had been in his room at 2.15am, quietly talking him down from whatever dream was distressing him that night.  
“Hmm” was all Bucky gave him back.

Steve was trying to get out more, he’d been speaking to Natasha a lot more, so he decided to head over to see her.

By the time he got home, Bucky was already asleep, despite the sun still being up, the TV was still blaring at Bucky who was sleeping on the couch, whatever had originally been on had finished and now the teleshopping channels had taken over. Steve wanted to wake him, he wanted to think he was strong enough to carry him off to bed, bridal style, but he chose to find a couple of blankets, and covered him up where he was, watching as Bucky sighed in content as he pulled the blanket further up to his chin, as Steve stroked his hair softly.

“Goodnight Buck” he said, before heading off to bed himself. 

Steve tried to keep up a similar routine throughout the next few days, if he was up before Bucky, he’d make breakfast and leave a plate for Bucky, a small note saying he hoped he has a good day.  
One night, when the temperature seemed to drop, Steve stopped by Bucky’s room, and offered him another blanket. Bucky simply stared at him blankly, like he was trying to figure out Steve’s game plan, but Steve just shrugged.  
“I’ll leave one out here just in case.” he said.

And slowly Bucky began to crack, though admittedly not in the way Steve had been hoping for.

Bucky was home late one day, and Steve emerged from his room, bleary eyed, but a bright smile plastered across his face.  
“Hey buddy, good day? How’re you? Are you okay?” Steve asked, forgetting not to push him, because that’s what it took for Bucky’s walls to finally crack.  
“Steve, what do you want from me?” he snapped, taking Steve by surprise,  
“Er, nothing” he said, frowning.  
“Just back the hell off, it’s too much, You’re suffocating! I can get by on my own” he said, sounding exasperated, Steve struggled with what to say next, letting out a breath.  
“I know you can, I miss you!” he said tiredly, wishing he hadn’t gotten out of bed for this. Bucky softened slightly at Steve’s confession, but he shrugged,  
“I just need some space, you need to respect it, I get what you’re doing, but space Steve, seriously,” he said, walking to his room. Steve was only grateful he at least didn’t slam the door.

After their conversation, Steve was left at a loss with what he could possibly do, so he made the coffee shop his home again, focusing on his drawings and enjoying watching the world pass him by from his booth in the window.  
Steve saw almost every type of person he could possibly imagine from that seat, all coming in for their daily fix and all in one morning. The table next to him seated an elderly man, slowly doing a crossword puzzle in a newspaper.  
He heard a young girl, he’d seen her come in several times before, blushing and shifting her feet as he asked a young barista for his phone number. He declined politely, kindly letting her down with the news he had a girlfriend, which was incidentally, news to Steve too.

Nearly another week back into this routine of aimlessly drawing and leaving each picture half finished when he found he couldn’t focus, he was sitting in his usual spot, the small TV above the counter switched on and pointed right towards him, it was very distracting but also gave him a front row seat as Tony Stark, CEO of the notorious Stark industries, the largest tech conglomerate in the world, unveiled the new Stark Tower.  
“Thrilled to announce that Stark towards is about to be powered by its own independent arc reactor, capable of sustaining the tower for a year with no cost to the city! Ladies and gents, we’re about to become a beacon of self-sustaining clean energy”.  
Tony Stark was a different breed of man; Steve didn’t know a lot about him, but there was something quite remarkable about somebody as influential as him making a stand again non-renewable energy.

Peter had stopped by Steve’s table, holding a coffee pot in one hand, he turned to Steve suddenly,  
“He’s incredible” he said heartfelt and serious.  
“Yeah?” Steve asked, letting Peter explain,  
“Yeah dude, ever since he shut down the weapons department, the guy is an inspiration” Peter said enthusiastically, sighing at Steve’s blank face.   
“You saw that press conference from a few months ago right?” he asked, exasperated at Steve’s cluelessness. “Here…” he said, reaching for his phone from his back pocket, typing away quickly before finding what he was looking for, handing it over to Steve as the video on screen started playing. Steve watched, amazed, as Tony Stark stood in front of a room full of reporters and made his decision.

“I never got to say goodbye to my father, there are things I would’ve asked him, if he ever had doubts about this company, how he felt about what we do. I’ve seen young Americans killed by the very weapons I created to help defend and protect them. I’ve become part of a system with zero accountability, I’ve come to realise that I have more to offer than just making things to blow up, which is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark International, until I can decide the future of this company and which direction we should take it, a direction consistent with the highest good of this country and the world.”

Steve handed the phone back to Peter, unsure of what to say, “That’s amazing” he said, stunned, “Can’t believe he got away with that” he laughed a little,  
“I know, the man’s all kinds of powerful” Peter shrugged, tucking his phone away and heading back towards the tills.

Steve was far too distracted to even attempt to sketch anything, he spent the next 45 minutes researching and learning about Tony Stark, realising how unaware he was of anything going on in the world.  
Eventually he packed up his things and headed home, he knew Bucky wouldn’t be there and for once he was thankful. He sent Natasha a quick message to find out if she was busy, and she responded by calling him.  
“Hey, what’s up?” She asked when he answered the call,  
“Can’t I wanna talk to you just for the sake of a chat?” Steve asked, fake sighing down the phone.  
“You can… but are you?” she asked,  
“Yeah actually, did you see Stark Industries aren’t making weapons anymore?” he said,  
“Uh, yeah Steve, have you been living under a rock?” she laughed, “Oh sorry, no, you’ve just been preoccupied with Bucky right?” she asked, and Steve wanted to deny it but he knew she was right.  
“Alright, alright Nat, but seriously, I can’t believe he did that, it’s incredible” he gushed down the phone, making Natasha laugh.  
“Has someone got a little crush?” she asked, mid laugh.

“No, I’m just saying,” Steve tried, but Natasha laughed over him again,  
“It’s okay, maybe it’s all the money, but the dude looks great in a suit”, Steve could almost hear her wink from the other end of the receiver, but he sighed, giving in anyway,  
“Yeah, kinda does.” he admitted.

Steve had nearly forgotten, between his discovery of Tony Stark and his huge yet charming ego, and chatting to Natasha for hours on the phone, that he and Bucky were still falling apart at the seams. Until the sound of a door slamming brought Steve out of the daydream he’d gone into. And suddenly the sick feeling in his stomach, and the ache in his chest were back. He didn’t bother trying to talk to him, deciding that being ignored or glared at just wasn’t worth the fight. However, he found himself sitting on his bed, still listening for any sounds Bucky might make, and that in itself was making him crazy.  
So, to distract himself, he turned his attention to trying to tidy his room, rearranging things that didn’t need rearranging, which somehow made him happier and he felt more at ease when he’d put new covers on his bed and finally put the clothes away that had begun to pile up into a mountain on the chair by the door.

He managed to clear the window ledge entirely, stuffing a pillow up against the wall and curling up to sit on it. His knees were up to his chin, but he figured out how to rest his sketchbook against them, and soon fell into the zone. Watching as people hopped in and out of cabs outside, walking past, phone in their hands, a few people narrowly dodging each other as they were too preoccupied to look up from the screens. And thus a project was born.

Steve realised the street outside their apartment was never quiet, so be began a routine, changing his sleeping patterns, setting his alarm for a different time each night, and it only took him a week.

He had 24 hours to draw, a new drawing for every hour, a new person, and he threw himself into this new idea. He hardly spoke to Natasha accept for the couple of times she sent him a text to make sure he was still breathing having not heard from him in a while.  
He hadn’t seen Bucky at all, spending any time he was at home, holed up in his room, perched on the window, hurriedly trying to capture whoever was his model for the whole 2 minutes they were in his view for. In the end he was able to lay out all 24 images in order, the time stamp in the top right hand corner, marking the hour of the day.  
Steve was able to stand back and smile, proud of his work, he’d never seen the same person twice, and everybody was different.  
The difference between 2pm and 2am drawings were quite priceless, and after an internal debate with himself he snapped a quick picture and sent it over to Natasha.

Within minutes his phone was buzzing with an incoming call.  
“Oh my god! This is amazing, is this where you’ve been the past few days?” she was nearly shouting down the phone, and Steve could hear Clint in the background,  
“Tell him he’s one talented son of a bitch!”  
“Thanks Clint” Steve mumbled as Natasha rambled on.  
“5am has to be one of my favourites” She was saying, and Steve quickly looked at his pictures, 5am was a woman walking down the street with a drinks holder in hand, a suit and a thick scarf on, trainers at the bottom of her suited legs, face like thunder as she stifled a yawn. Steve figured that’s how anyone would feel at that time in the morning.  
“Nah, 3am wins” Clint was saying, it now sounding as if it were on speakerphone. Steve laughed, 3am had been a couple of lads, off their faces drunk, one trying to give the other a piggy back ride, still holding a bottle of beer. “What about you Steve?” Natasha asked, both of them growing silent.  
“Hmm” Steve thought for a moment, eyes gliding over the 24 pages overlapped each other on his bed. “10 or 11am maybe” he said thoughtfully. Torn between the small child holding up a flower to show his mum who was positively beaming down at him, and the family, mum and dad each holding a hand of their son, mid-way through swinging him up into the air.

After Steve hung up the phone, he rooted around for a folder he could pile the pictures into to keep them safe. Slipping them into a plastic folder, which he then left on his bedside table. And before he knew what he was doing, he had his sketchbook in his hands again, flicking through several pages to find the ones he was searching for. Gazing at a few drawings of Bucky, flipping through the pages like it was a flip book, except the only thing to see was how the detail had grown, Steve had come to notice things he hadn’t at first, how one side of his lips always seemed to smile just a little bit more, how one eyebrow was just a little more unruly. He’d heard the door a while back and found himself suddenly fueled by anger at the unfairness of the way Bucky had been acting towards him, not letting himself think for another second, he was outside Bucky’s door.

“Bucky” he called, but as expected, there was no answer. So he started banging on the door, deciding that breaking it down wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. “Bucky, fucking talk to me!” he shouted, banging his fists against the door.  
“I haven’t done anything, you can’t ignore me forever”, he paused for a second, waiting for any signs of Bucky heading towards the door. “Open the damn door Bucky!” he shouted when he got no response,  
“Stop being so selfish, you don’t get to live her if you won’t even acknowledge me!” he thumped on the door again.

Stopping when he heard springs on the bed on the other side of the door, and he could hear his own breath as he waited for the door to swing open. The moment his eyes landed on Bucky, he felt ashamed of himself, feeling all the emotions and anger rush away, leaving him flat and empty as he stared at him.  
“Do you want me to leave?” Bucky asked half-heartedly, making Steve begin to panic,  
“No!” he said quickly, not sure how to regain any control over the situation, regretting everything. Bucky was usually so full of life, even when he was angry, he was never just slightly angry, he put his all into everything, it was full rage, or nothing. But now he looked completely withdrawn. Steve looked down at his own feet, wishing the ground would swallow him whole, scared he was going to throw up when he met Bucky’s eyes again, they were usually so easy to get lost in, but Bucky looked utterly lost himself, and Steve begged himself not to cry when he felt tears prick in his eyes.  
“Okay” Bucky said softly.  
“Bucky…” Steve tried again, but Bucky silently closed the door on him. The latch clicking into place as Steve helplessly and watched.

Steve wasn’t sure why or when he decided to drink his worries away, and he knew even when he first picked up the bottle of whiskey out of the top cupboard that it was a bad idea. But still, he wound up sitting by himself on the couch, letting reruns of the office play in the background, half thinking he should find an office job to support himself instead of fighting for the impossible, which being an artist was beginning to feel like.

Somewhere, a few episodes in, he zoned out from the TV altogether, just pouring glass after glass of whiskey down his throat until he lost track of time. He became vaguely aware of Bucky moving around the lounge some time later, clearing away the empty bottle sitting on the coffee table, Steve hearing the small clink of his glass being placed in the sink.  
“Get to bed Captain” Bucky said, almost angrily, but the nickname brought him right back to the couple of days spent at the lake house, and made Steve smile.

Bucky was already gone when Steve woke up the next day, nearly half the day already having passed by the time he crawled out of bed for a desperately needed glass of water. And it quickly became afternoon, Steve realising he needed to get out for some fresh air.

He left the apartment after grabbing a quick lunch, heading out for a walk, trying to clear his head, he visited the art store, in search of a new sketchbook, trailing the shop, mindlessly stroking the shelves as he passed, before finding what he’d been looking for.  
He walked home slowly, through the park, enjoying the sun on his face and the breeze on his neck, the cold air making him feel a little more human and a little less like a walking hangover. When he got back to the apartment block, savouring the fresh air for one last moment and glancing at the home removal truck that was parked outside, wondering if someone was moving in or out, realising he wasn’t on first name basis’ with any of his neighbours.

Steve deliberated for a moment, choosing to take the stairs, holding his new book in one hand, key in the other, the sun having put him in a good mood.

He was halfway up the stairs when his sketchbook slid out of his arms as a blur of ginger fluff nearly flew past him, Steve managed to grab it with both arms, letting the book drop and slide backwards down the stairs.  
“Er, hi” he said awkwardly to the cat who was looking up at him with interest.  
“Where did you come from lil guy?” he mumbled, stroking its head as he carried him the rest of the way up the stairs, figuring if he passed any open doors along the way he’d ask, but everyone’s doors all stayed firmly shut. Steve managed to unlock his door with one hand, letting the cat jump from his arms once they’d gotten inside.  
“Hey kitty” he whispered, laying a small bowl of water down to see if he was thirsty, and when it ducked its head to have a drink, Steve quickly found his collar, hoping to find a name or phone number.

“Hey Goose” he patted him on the head softly, And then waited a while, wondering if anyone would come knocking, asking about a lost cat, but nobody came, until Bucky.

Steve had left the cat to have the run of the place, shutting the doors to the bedrooms and bathroom as he got comfortable at the kitchen table, reading an old book that was now tattered around the corners from all the time he'd read it before. He heard Bucky come home an hour later, and smiled to himself when he heard the interaction in the hallway.

“Hey dude” Bucky said, barely audible, followed by the unmistakable sound of him kicking off his shoes off. “Don’t eat them” he said sternly and Steve almost had to laugh, picturing the way Bucky must be looking at the cat. “Goose huh? Cool name” he said, sounding a little closer to the kitchen now, and Steve smiled into his book, closing it gently when he heard Bucky’s footsteps come into the room. “Uh, why the hell is there a cat here?” he asked, a frown on his face. Steve wanted to rejoice over Bucky voluntarily talking to him, but one look up showed him that he still had dark circles under his eyes and looked as tired as ever.  
“I found him” Steve shrugged, and swore he saw the corner of Bucky’s lips twitch into what could have been a smile.  
“Whose is it?” Bucky asked, Goose now walking figures of eight around Bucky’s ankles, wrapping itself around his legs, Steve was really beginning to be jealous of a cat.

“Need to ask around” Steve said, standing up from the table, “come on” he added. “Why?” Bucky asked, frowning again, “He likes you” Steve gestured at Goose as if it were obvious.

Steve headed towards the front door without another word, hoping Bucky would follow, relaxing thankfully when he heard Bucky following him, muttering to Goose who was in his arms when he appeared into view. Steve was ready to march down the stairs, if only to force Bucky to spend some time with him, Goose curled up in his arms, however it took barely 5 minutes to find Goose’s home. And they didn’t even have to head down the stairs. They knocked on the last door on their own floor, the door swinging open hardly one second later, a young woman standing in the doorway, boxes stacked up around her.  
_The removal truck_, Steve recalled.

“Goose!” she said excitedly, taking the cat from Bucky’s arms, letting him snuggle into her, his small paws becoming tangled in blonde hair that fell to her shoulders. “Thank you so much!” she said gratefully, throwing one spare arm around Steve, then Bucky's neck in gratitude.   
“I’m Carol” she introduced herself, her smile bright and genuine, Steve was almost taken aback at her beauty as she looked at the two of them, petting the cat on autopilot as he fell asleep against her.  
“I’m Steve” he smiled back, reaching a hand out for her to shake.  
“Bucky” Bucky copied, offering his hand too.  
“It’s great to meet you guys, I’d invite you in but…” she trailed off, gesturing behind her to the mess of boxes.  
“No worries! Our place is always open if you wanna come over for a drink” Steve smiled, wondering what was going through her head as she looked between the two of them. Wondering what was worse, assuming they were a couple, or thinking Steve was coming onto to her. Which he may have done if it wasn’t for the thoughts of Bucky that cluttered up his head.  
“Well we should go.” he added,  
“Nice to meet you” Bucky said as they turned to head back to their apartment, letting Carol take Goose safely back inside.

Steve really hoped this would be a turning point between he and Bucky, Bucky even sat on the couch instead of keeping himself shut in his room, albeit ignoring Steve as he loaded up a video game. Steve hovered in the kitchen a few meters behind Bucky, who audibly sighed when Steve caught his eye in the TV set for the second time, quickly turning his back, opening and closing the fridge with no real purpose, before clearing his throat awkwardly.  
“I’m gunna grab some more coffee, need anything?” he asked, Bucky simply grunted in response, which Steve translated as a no. He fumbled around for his jacket for a few minutes, half questioning himself about leaving Bucky, eventually sighing to himself as he closed the door behind him, hearing gunshots as Bucky began the game.

Steve wanted to rush around the store and get back home quickly, but he forced himself to take his time, deciding it was best for everyone, moping around the shop, looking for things he might maybe need. In the end he was only gone for an hour, before getting back and letting himself into the lobby of the apartment. Checking his mail to waste another minute or two, when he became aware of somebody else entering the building, a quick glance to his left as he turned towards the stairs, he said Carol carrying a small bag of groceries, and they headed up together.

“Hey, Steve right?” She smiled warmly at him,  
“Yeah, hey! Settling in alright?” he asked, smiling back at her,  
“Er yeah, think so” she laughed, “honestly I haven’t even unpacked a single box, What about you? Been here long?” she asked, and Steve was surprised with how easy she was to talk to.  
“Few years now, my roommate moved in almost 6 months back.” Steve said.  
“Yeah? If Goose could chip in with the rent it’d be so much easier” she laughed, “You guys should come by at some point, have a real introduction” she laughed again,  
“I think he definitely preferred Bucky to be honest” Steve shrugged, suddenly opening up, ashamed at how easily he found it to embarrass himself as he spilled his guts in there stairwell. “It’s hard to explain without going into details but… it’s hard you know” Steve finished, “Wow, I’m sorry, clearly I don’t get out enough” he forced a laugh. But Carol smiled kindly, eyes full of sympathy for him,  
“It’s okay, if I could help I would, gotta say, I don’t know many people here, so if you ever need a friend, or a coffee, or… I make a mean spag bol” she said, making Steve genuinely laugh,  
“You don’t know many people?” Steve asked then, interested.  
“Nah, It’s just me and Goose, I know this girl and her daughter who don’t live too far from here, but I’m not sure if that’s gunna go anywhere but… yeah no family” she smiled sheepishly, “Look who’s oversharing now” she said and Steve could have sworn she winked.  
They walked the remaining few steps quietly, side by side, until they reached Carol’s front door. Steve hovered for a couple of seconds,  
“Thanks for… well not judging my little outburst back there” he shook his head at himself. Carol laughed easily,  
“Anytime, catch you later Steve.”

That night Steve wasn’t entirely sure whether Bucky was home, he’d taken to being so quiet around the apartment, it made it difficult to tell for sure. He pulled out his phone, typing a quick message.

S: Hey Nat

N: What’s up

S: Just wanted to chat

N: Yeah, I know, but what’s going on?

Steve crumbled, feeling bad for her always thinking he only reached out when he needed something, but nevertheless, his thumbs typed a mile a minute.

N: Steve it’s okay

S: It’s just been so terrible, of course he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’ve been the world’s worst friend

N: you really haven’t, he’s clearly got a lot of baggage, that’s not your fault

Steve almost wanted to laugh at himself, feeling sorry for himself and letting himself cry about a silly schoolboy crush to unmistakable strong women.

N: It’ll work out, just give him some time

S: I know, sorry I’m such a nightmare

N: shut up that’s what I’m here for

S: Thanks Nat, always tell me to shut up if I get annoying, I know I’m a mess

N: It’s really okay, if he doesn’t want to see how wonderful you are then that’s on him  
Clint says suck it up buttercup

She followed the message with a row of flower emojis.

Steve felt himself relax a little, maybe he didn’t have Bucky, but his friends were pretty great, He sent an emoji back, blowing kisses.

Pouring himself a glass of water, he was about to head back to bed when something caught his eye.

Bucky always covered up his prosthetic arm, especially when leaving the apartment, but he’d once laughed and admitted to Steve that he has one hoodie that wouldn’t fit over his arm, so he’d taken it, and a pair of scissors into his own hands, and cut off that one sleeve at the shoulder.

And it caught Steve’s attention now, laying over the back of a chair.

Without thinking Steve let his fingers trail over it, playing with the zip for a second before picking it up and bringing it up to his chest, he couldn’t help the tears that pricked in his eyes when he involuntarily inhaled, living in Bucky’s scent for a moment.

Before he really knew what he was doing, Steve carried the hoodie with him as he headed back towards his room, laying down on top of his covers, sighing as his head hit the comfort of his pillow. He stayed there for a couple of minutes until he let himself start to quietly cry; Bucky’s hoodie balled up on the pillow beside him

At some point he fell asleep, still atop of the covers, because the next morning he woke, still fully clothed from the day before.

He had to blink his eyes open several times before being able to adjust to the new day, Bucky’s hoodie still bundled up beneath his head.

Steve frowned as he released the clutch he hadn’t realised he was holding on the hoodie, changing quickly into a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, grabbing a fresh pair of socks.

Pausing at the doorway when he realised the smell of bacon was wafting its way through the apartment.

Hesitating as he listened to Bucky clanging pots around, before walking towards the kitchen, the sound having piqued his curiosity.

There were several pieces of toast piled up on a plate in the centre of the table, a plate of bacon beside it, and Bucky was standing at the stove, furiously whisking what Steve made a guess at being scrambled egg.

He turned around when he heard Steve enter the room, his lips curved into a small smile, eyes surrounded with dark circles as they always were these days.  
“Help yourself, I made breakfast” Bucky said, eyes glancing at the stack of food briefly.

Steve smiled back at him, noticing the way Bucky bit his bottom lip a little and wondered if he’d been expecting a confrontation.  
“Looks amazing” Steve said simply, picking up a piece of bacon and biting the end off as he walked up beside him, glancing in the pan of egg, eyes then flitting up to Bucky’s.  
He was standing just close enough that he could look at him out of the corner of his eye and just look at his eyes and memorize the colour, able to make out each and every eyelash, the different shades of brown in his hair, the way he was concentrating on making perfectly scrambled eggs.

In that moment, Steve started to wish the ground would swallow him whole because how had Bucky become the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

After what felt like forever but was really only a minute or so, Bucky looked over to Steve who immediately looked away, feeling his face heat up.  
“Looks good” he said quickly, heading back to the table and dragging out a chair to sit down.

It took a while but eventually Bucky seemed to ease up, realizing that Steve wasn’t about to make a fuss of the way things had been for the past few weeks.  
“What’re you up to today?” Steve asked halfway through a bite of toast.  
“Nothing really” Bucky shrugged, “why?” He asked when Steve started to smile.  
“Haven’t kicked your ass at Mario kart for a while” Steve grinned, his heart feeling like it was taking up more space than usual when Bucky laughed.  
“You’re on” he agreed easily, and Steve let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

That morning they seemed to fall back into a normal routine. Steve was sat on the couch, furiously steering the remote as he drove round the track, Bucky sat on the floor, leaning back against the couch, riling Steve up on purpose when he fell off the rainbow road yet again.

Bucky crossed the finish line and leant his head back, so he was looking up at Steve upside down, his eyes sparkling and happy in a way Steve hadn’t seen them for a while.

He had to look away when he felt his heart start to hammer in his chest. Bucky’s head barely inches from his knee, eyes on him as Steve finally finished the track.

Mid-afternoon Steve headed to the shops alone, texting as he walked, realizing he hadn’t spoken to Sam for a while and let himself send him a quick update.

Sending Natasha a similar message, telling her about his morning.

They both took only minutes to reply, making sure he knew they were there if he needed anyone, but we’re glad things were getting back to normal.

Steve ambled around the store buying things he hadn’t for a while, simply because he knew It was what Bucky liked.

Realizing he was buying cereal he didn’t even like, just for Bucky.

He knew he’d spent too much when he was weighed down with bags he had to walk home with. But he let himself walk home slowly, at ease knowing Bucky would still be there when he got back.

Carol was waiting outside his building, about to hop into a black car, all dark tinted windows, but she stopped to say a quick hello.

“God damn Steve” Bucky laughed as he helped him unload all the bags of groceries, putting each thing away as he went, whilst Steve emptied an entire bag onto the kitchen counter before sorting anything out.  
“Did you buy the whole shop?” Bucky laughed again, and Steve wanted to tell him to shut up, to not laugh at him, but hearing Bucky laugh was enough to make him smile,  
“You never know” he simply said with a small shrug.

That afternoon was more relaxed than ever, Bucky sat himself at the table, frowning as he read a book. Steve taking himself to his room for a while. He didn’t want to bombard Bucky with attention and risk losing it all again, and he also wanted the opportunity to draw.

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Bucky’s eyelashes and furiously sketched him, laying his head back against the couch, ends of his hair touching Steve’s thigh. His eyes closed; eyelashes fanned out against the top of his cheeks, a small smile tugging at his lips. Even drawing him was making Steve crave being able to stroke his cheek and run his hands through his hair as he kissed him.

He was almost glad for the way things had been, making Steve not want to throw caution to the wind and risk it all.

The day flew by, Steve only realizing the day had become evening when he could smell something cooking, Bucky was back in the kitchen, just sitting on top of the counter, scrolling through his phone, his face relaxed which made a nice change from the frown Steve had started to assume was a permanent feature of his.

Bucky looked up when Steve emerged, hopping down and smiling,  
“Pizza?” He asked expectantly,  
Steve grinned back at him, “absolutely” he agreed, “but Buck you don’t have to do all the cooking you know” he tried to joke but it had the opposite effect, Bucky’s eyes quickly going seriously.  
“I know... I just, been a bit of a jerk” he said not meeting Steve’s eyes.  
“You haven’t” Steve tried to reassure him quickly.  
“It’s okay, I have but, sorry” he said quietly, looking back to the oven, about to turn away from Steve who quickly reached a hand out to Bucky’s arm,

“Hey” he said, pulling him closer to wrap him up in a hug.

He felt Bucky tense up for a moment before relaxing into it. Hugging him back. Steve was reluctant to let go, and squeezed him tighter, feeling his eyes threaten to well up when Bucky tightened his arms around him too.

“Always here you know” Steve said when they pulled apart,  
“I know” Bucky said flatly,  
“Seriously, for anything, always” Steve said, wondering just how far he could go or how much he could say without giving away his feelings.


	3. Vers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets the chance to create his own comic book, he and Bucky struggle to find an engagement present, and have to deal with the consequences of sharing a bed.

In the weeks that followed, Steve and Bucky fell back into their usual routine, Bucky still sometimes headed out for the day, leaving Steve to his own devices and incidentally his drawings.

He was home alone one afternoon when there was a quiet knock on the door.

He climbed off his bed and stretched for a second before heading to answer it, swinging it open to Carol standing in the hallway, face made up with makeup, and all black attire that Steve only really noticed as it contrasted with her blonde hair.

“Hey Steve” she said warmly when she saw him, “hope I’m not intruding” she said cautiously.

“No not at all!” Steve assured her quickly.

“I know were not very close… but I’m really running out of options, I hate to ask, but I’m going away for a few days and I have no babysitter” she said, looking at Steve hopefully.

“Babysitter?” Steve asked with a small frown,

“For Goose” Carol smiled,

“Of course!” Steve grinned at her,

“Are you sure?” she asked again,

“Yeah, I work from home, so you have nothing to worry about, just drop him by whenever” Steve explained,

“Are you serious? You’re a life-saver!” Carol threw her arms tightly around his neck, giving him an appreciative hug.

Steve didn’t see her for nearly a week after that, until one day as he was heading out, he passed her on the stairs.

“Hey Steve” she smiled warmly, “still okay if I drop Goose over in a couple of days?” she asked,

“Yeah of course, I’ll be in” Steve nodded.

“How is everything?” Natasha asked as Steve made himself comfortable on her couch, he hadn’t seen her for a while, and he knew he needed to try and get out of the house more often.

“It’s good” Steve nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah? How’s Bucky?” Natasha asked him,

“He’s good, we’re good, cat sitting for the neighbour in a couple of days” he said, and Natasha raised an eyebrow,

“Oh yeah? Who’s this neighbour?”

“Err Carol, she’s relatively new, she’s great though” Steve tried to explain, Natasha laughed a little,

“Sounds good”.

“How’s Clint?”

“He’s good, same old, do you want another drink?” she offered.

Steve followed her into the kitchen, watching her fuss around rearranging mugs and rinsing the sink.  
For all of Natasha’s ways, her being a neat freak about the kitchen was one of the most surprising.  
She and Clint had hardly been moved in half a year when they hired someone to redo their kitchen, Natasha apparently being no longer able to stand looking at magnolia walls.

By the time Steve arrived home Bucky was already there, sitting on the couch, the TV playing to itself as Bucky only stared at his phone.

“Hey” he said without looking up,

“You alright?” Steve asked as he crashed down on the couch beside him.

“Yeah are you?” Bucky asked, looking up at him,

“Yeah, think Carol’s bringing the cat around at the weekend, can you chuck me the remote?” he said, and Bucky smiled slightly, nodding along as he handed the remote over to Steve.

“Where’s Carol going anyway?” he asked, locking his phone and giving Steve his full attention,

“I have no idea actually” Steve frowned.

“Ask her when she drops him over?” Bucky suggested and Steve nodded, agreeing thoughtfully.

The conversation was left off there, as Steve found something half interesting to watch and Bucky flicked his attention between the TV and his phone for the next hour until, after endlessly yawning, he excused himself and headed off to bed.

Somehow, Steve was finding it more difficult to lose himself in the TV, constantly feeling distracted by Bucky, even now he had shut himself away in his room.

Steve made himself stay up for another hour, before deciding to go to bed himself. Sitting in his bed for a few minutes, picking up his pencil and letting it hover over the paper, making a few marks without anything coming from it, sighing to himself and dropping it down on the floor, walking over to the light switch to shut off the lights, before climbing under the covers and laying there.  
He felt like he was there for hours, staring at the ceiling, at the dark, thoughts continuous until somewhere along the lines he dropped off to sleep.

The banging on the door the next morning woke the two of them up, both coming out their rooms, bleary eyed, bed hair, looking like they had no idea what was going on.

“Was that the door?” Steve asked, rubbing his eyes. Bucky didn’t respond, heading straight to the door instead and unlocking it.

Carol was standing on the other side of the threshold, cat in one arm, a large bag in the other.

“Carol?” Steve asked still half asleep,

“I’m so sorry boys, I know it’s early, I really hope you don’t mind, there was a change of plans and I’ve got to head off now”

“Of course, yeah” Steve agreed, plastering a smile on his face.

“Where are you off to if you don’t mind me asking?” Bucky asked, polite as ever, as he held his arms out for Carol to place Goose into.

“Oh… just, work stuff” Carol explained vaguely. Then looking back to Steve and holding the bag out to him.

“This is everything you’ll need, there’s a bunch of instructions in there, just like, feeding times and all that, you sure this is alright?” she asked again,

“Yeah of course” Steve accepted the bag from her.

“Thank you, it’s just, he’s a very special cat” Carol smiled, leaning over to Bucky and kissing Goose’s head.

“Thank you, boys!” she said as she turned to walk away, leaving Steve to close the door behind her.

“You gotta admit, that was weird” Bucky said, letting Goose jump from his arms and run off down the hallway.

They followed the cat into the lounge, Steve placing the bag on the table and unpacking bags of food and bowls and a bunch of toys.

“You’re special are ya?” Bucky said, stroking the cat’s ears,

“Yeah, what does that mean?” Steve said quickly,

“What do you mean?” Bucky frowned at him, “Everyone thinks their pets are special Steve”.

“Nah, I bet there’s more to it, that cats got some abilities or something” Steve seemed set on this idea, even when Bucky laughed at him.

“And you’re convinced of this why?” Bucky asked, amused,

“You mean, you don’t think Carol’s definitely some sort of government spy, secret agent or something?” Steve walked over towards Bucky, looking at Goose warily.

Bucky laughed, and Steve was distracted for a moment, getting lost in Bucky’s laugh.

“I hate to say it mate, but you don’t live the most exciting life, I get this is a great way to make up for that” Bucky said giving him a look.

Steve clutched a hand to his chest in fake hurt, gasping, “you mean, staying inside and drinking coffee isn’t interesting? I do go to the shop sometimes you know” he couldn’t conceal a smile any longer, making Bucky laugh again,

“You’re not dangerous are ya buddy?” Bucky said to Goose in a baby voice that made Steve’s heart skip.

“Ohh I wouldn’t get too close” Steve said seriously,

Now that the two of them were already up and about, Steve busied himself with making breakfast, watching Bucky out of the corner of his eye, smiling to himself as Bucky, strong, serious, closed off, with an entire metal arm, played with the cat.  
He kept reaching for different toys, waving a type of wand with feathers dangling off the end, half sitting, half lying on the floor, waving it around and making Goose jump back and forth trying to grab it. Steve heard him let out a small laugh when Goose fell and tumbled over. Stroking behind his ears and muttering to him.  
"Who's a cool cat, handsome boy". Steve could hardly focus on the toast he was close to burning.

"You know, you've got a point" Bucky said out of nowhere, looking over to Steve from the floor. "What job needs you to leave at 7am for a work thing, and what's with all the tight black clothes?" He said, thinking out loud.

"Exactly!" Steve spun around waving a wooden spoon enthusiastically from stirring the beans. "I'm telling you Buck, super secret agent" he smiled, and Bucky turned back to Goose.

"What do you think little buddy? what does mama do?" he asked him, "Wait so if she is, hypothetically of course, what kind of special does that make Goosey here?" he asked towards Steve.

"hmm" Steve thought for a moment still facing the stove, turning back to him when something sparked, "He's been experimented on". He declared, pointing at Goose accusingly, but smiling, enjoying coming up with this wild theory.

"Oh yeah?" Bucky challenged him to continue,

"Yeah, god knows what that cat is capable of, he's probably a killing machine!" Steve said, making them both laugh as they looked back to Goose who was tossing a small stuffed fish back and forth playfully between his paws.

"And you say my life's not interesting, I'm a babysitter for a lethal killing...." Steve trailed off as he thought,

"Yeah? a what?" Bucky pushed him, looking at him with a smile, excitedly.

"Flerken" Steve decided.

"really" Bucky commented unimpressed, but Steve turned back to rescue some more toast, nodding to himself, "Yep, Flerken" he said, proud of himself.

They spent the rest of the day lounging around, Goose seemed to settle in right away, Bucky enjoying playing with him and softly stroking his head when he fell asleep on his lap.  
Steve headed to bed early that night, leaving Bucky with Goose, even though he had tried to convince him that the cat would be absolutely fine being left to sleep on his own. He laid in bed silently for a while, listening out for Bucky, but he wound up falling asleep before he heard even heard Bucky go to bed.

Steve woke up the next morning, staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, his mind racing.

He’d woken up from a dream that had seemed to last all night, it had seemed so real, even though the details of the dream were fuzzy, and Steve wouldn’t remember much of what had happened, but the overwhelming meaning of the dream was still there.

Steve was in love with Bucky.

Steve stared at the wall as he always did when he couldn’t take his mind off Bucky, feeling sick, he felt as if he’d been kicked full force in the stomach, and it was forcing his heart up into his throat.  
He knew he liked Bucky, god knows Natasha had made it perfectly obvious that she was aware of that too, but he always thought he’d get over it. It was just a small crush on his roommate. Never did he imagine he’s wind up in love with his best friend.

It made Steve think about everything he and Bucky had ever done, or anything he’d ever said, and while, to begin with, he’d felt like a nervous wreck being around him, getting flustered over everything and nothing, he realised now that Bucky being around was better than anything else imaginable.

That even if Bucky being near him made his heart race, he was always a lot happier when he was there.  
Steve waited for a while, hearing Bucky get out of bed and leave his room, listening to his footsteps as he headed to the lounge, not able to make out what he said, but hearing the slight mumble of his voice as he presumably said good morning to Goose.

Eventually Steve knew he couldn’t put it off for much longer, and dragged himself from his bed, threw on a soft hoodie and new socks, picking at the skin around his thumb as he headed to the kitchen, telling himself there was no reason to be nervous over someone who he literally shared a home with.

“Hey!” Bucky said brightly when he saw Steve, he was sitting on the couch, Goose laying above his head on top of the cushions.

“Morning” Steve said trying to sound normal.

“How’s the cat?” Steve made himself ask as Bucky stood up and followed him over to the kitchen, looking for the bowl Carol had brought for Goose, pouring some of the food in and making small kissy noises to encourage Goose to his eat it.

“He definitely likes you more than me” Steve laughed when Goose rubbed his head against Bucky’s hand.

Bucky laughed, “well he doesn’t know what he’s missing” he said jokily, but it made Steve duck his head as he felt his cheeks flush.

“Didn’t kill you in your sleep then?” Steve said a few moments later, trying to lighten to mood.

“Not yet” Bucky smiled, he seemed happy, and the circles under his eyes were a lot lighter than they had been, and Steve realised he hadn’t heard him having nightmares for almost a week now.

“Hang on” Steve said, raising a finger to Bucky as he quickly left the room.

Back in his bedroom Steve found his sketchbook and dug around for a pencil, drawing a quick sketch of what he was now calling Flerken kitty.  
Rushing back to Bucky, and waving the picture in his face.

Bucky laughed out loud when he looked at the drawing. “This is what you imagine?” he asked, laughing.

Steve just shrugged, smiling back at him,

“I mean it’s pretty damn cool actually, do they just shrink back inside his body then?” Bucky asked, in the picture Steve had drawn, the cat had tentacles that extended from his mouth,

“Yeah, I mean, something like that” Steve grinned wider.

“This is actually amazing; I haven’t seen many of your pictures actually, ya know” Bucky realised out loud. Making Steve think about the pages of Bucky’s face he had stored in the draw beside his bed.

After breakfast Steve found his sketchbook, bringing it, with his pencils, out to the dining room table and sitting down behind Bucky and Goose who were curled up together on the couch again.  
He looked at Goose every now and then as inspiration for the drawing, glancing at Bucky every now and then as well.

After about an hour Steve was able to sit back and smile to himself at the Flerken kitty picture he’d created, the silver collar tag hanging amongst bright ginger fur, his tongue and lots of pink tentacles coming out of his mouth and extending across the length of the paper.

“Hey Buck” he said tentatively, who jumped up straight away, eager to see what Steve had created.

“Holy shit” he said quietly, “I love it, this is awesome, I actually wish Goose was able to do this,” he said, a hand on Steve’s shoulder who was frozen to the spot, his heart full, as Bucky sang his praises, not wanting to move and risk Bucky moving his hand a minute sooner than he had to.

“You think?” he asked, a smile on his lips,

“Are you kidding? If no one else wants to, I’ll buy it off of you” Bucky said passionately, and Steve turned his head to look at him, a small frown on his face,

“You don’t have to buy it, we live together” he laughed lightly.

“Yeah but, you know” Bucky shrugged, his eyes still sparkling as he smiled.

They spent the rest of the weekend the same way, completely at ease with each other, Goose fitting into their almost family dynamic easily, and Bucky absolutely doted on him.  
Steve had drawn several versions of the Flerken, the cartoon cat keeping him distracted from the way Bucky seemed to be becoming his old, happy, relaxed self.

Some point over the weekend, Steve had started drawing Carol too, a cartoon super-secret agent, she had blonde hair that was blowing backwards, her fists clenched, unleashing cosmic powers, making her hands and skin and hair glow bright. Wearing a bright red and blue suit.

“I don’t think the Carol we know is quite this cool” Bucky said when Steve decided to show him, but he was wide eyed and impressed.

Looking through the several drawings Steve had made, her flying in one picture, her whole body and eyes glowing yellow, waves of energy coming off her as she punched her way through a wall, releasing the energy she had absorbed.  
Steve had enjoyed telling Bucky the whole background he had come up with for the character, he had her powers worked out down to every fine detail.

“What’s she called? Carol?” Bucky asked, genuinely interested as he always was.

“Err…” Steve thought and frowned at him, “I don’t know, what’s her last name?” he asked and Bucky looked blank,

“No idea”.

“Hey Bucky… run down and check her mail for me?” Steve said, drawing out his name and wondering if it would help if he batted his eyelashes at him .

“What, Steve, no!” Bucky said immediately.

“Please” Steve whined at him again.

“Um… yeah I don’t think so, that’s well creepy no offence” Bucky rejected the idea again, which Steve realised was a valid point, but it wasn’t as if she was home.

He feigned annoyance, huffing as he went and took all the drawings back to his room. He stayed there for a few minutes, smiling to himself when he heard the front door open and close.

Barely 2 minutes later he heard the door again and Bucky knocked once on Steve’s door before pushing it open, Steve looked up at him expectantly with a smile and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“It’s Danvers” he said.

After Steve finished creating Carol’s character, he wrote her name in red block letters, all caps, imagining it as the name for the series of pictures. He admired it for a moment, realising he could hear Bucky moving around the kitchen, and headed out to him, carrying the piece of paper with him.

Bucky spun around to face him when he heard Steve enter the room behind him, smiling when he eyed the picture in hand, taking it from him without a word.  
Steve smiled to himself when he saw the smile on Bucky’s face, ignoring the idea pushing its way up inside him, the idea that anything that made Bucky happy was fantastic.

“Vers?” Bucky asked, still smiling at Steve. 

“Yeah, it was all that was written on the part of the dog tags the commander found, when he found her” Steve laughed, feeling self-conscious over this idea that now seemed incredibly childish.

“I love it” Bucky said, nodding, “suits her”.

“Seriously though, this is so cool, you should post these online or something” He seemed to think out loud as he handed it back to Steve.

“Hm maybe” Steve replied half-heartedly, but once he was back in his room, he found himself looking at his online portfolio. It hadn’t been touched in a while, left abandoned for some time now. With Bucky’s voice in his head, uploading them didn’t take very long, and he was soon seeing them beside real life drawings he had made, worlds apart from these new comic style characters.

But he was proud of them, and as he closed his laptop down again he decided it showed his range as an artist.

It had been 5 days since Carol had left Goose with them, and Steve was beginning to wonder whether they should buy their own cat, perhaps a pet is what Bucky needed, but Steve had also promised to stop trying to get involved with Bucky’s private life and things had been going so well recently, he couldn’t betray that. Steve had been going about his daily life, he’d been running again with Sam for the first time in a while, and when Sam asked after Bucky, he was able to smile and say that he was doing okay.

He and Natasha had begun skyping and he was able to tell her honestly that he was doing well whenever she asked, which was often.

Clint apparently had decided to enter an archery contest, and despite Natasha’s roll of her eyes when she told Steve, she admitted he’d stuck with this for a while now and had a good shot against the other contestants. Steve told her about Goose and how he and Bucky had realised they had no idea how long Carol was gone for.

The two of them were sitting on skype one day, not really talking, Natasha was painting her nails and Steve was flicking through a magazine when his laptop made a sound as a notification chimed through.  
An email popped up over the top of Natasha’s face from a Hope Summers.  
Natasha noticed the look on Steve’s face as he read through the message.

“What?” she asked, trying to read his expression.

“Er…” he started, something somewhere between a frown and a smile on his face.

“Steve!” Natasha said sharply, looking at him indignantly, “What’s going on?”

“Okay, um, remember that portfolio I set up ages ago? I posted some pictures on it a few days ago and I’ve just got an email from a comic book author” Steve began to explain.

“What! Why didn’t you tell me!” Natasha asked, frowning suddenly, “Wait, not the pictures of you know who?” she asked seriously,

Steve laughed, “No, it’s um, these little cartoon characters me and Bucky sort of came up with,” he said, a smile still on his face.

“And they want you to be the artist? Wait who is it?” Natasha had so many questions for him and Steve was barely sure where to begin.

“I guess... Yeah, er Hope Summers, she said she’s part of James Howlett comics” Steve explained what the email said.

“James Howlett? Are you serious?” Natasha was beginning to freak out, “Have you seriously not heard of him? Steve his company is only one of the biggest, his name’s on nearly all the best comics, the logo with the little wolf? God where have you been living!” Natasha was rambling, and Steve was trying to keep up, but with every word he was becoming more excited with the way she was raving about it.

“What do I say?” he asked, ignoring her outburst. “Just say yes, whatever she wants, just do it” Natasha said plainly, and Steve felt her eyes burning into him through his camera as he typed out a reply.

Steve wasn’t sure what else to say, so luckily when he heard a key in the door he had a reason to log off.

“Keep me updated!” Natasha demanded from him,

“Let me know if Clint wins” Steve laughed as they said goodbye.

He didn’t want to seem too eager about rushing out of his room, so forced himself to count to 5 as he stood at his door before quickly following Bucky’s footsteps into the lounge.

He was lifting up couch cushions and looked up at Steve when he saw him,

“You seen the TV remote?” he asked and Steve shrugged, clocking it straight away beside the TV.

As he handed it to Bucky he smiled, “Guess what?”

Bucky switched the TV on and turned his full attention to a positively giddy Steve.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, laughing.

“I got an email from a comic book author today, she wants to make Carol and Goose into a book”

“You what?” Bucky stared at him,

“She wants me to be the artist” Steve bit the inside of his lip as he waited for Bucky’s response, after all, this had all been because of him. As Steve stood there, Bucky seemed to come alive, grinning from ear to ear and practically jumped Steve, giving him the biggest hug.  
Steve closed his eyes and couldn’t help the huge smile take over his face as he wrapped his arms around Bucky.  
Realising when Bucky released him, that he was truly crazy about him.

When Carol finally came back for Goose, she had dark circles under her eyes, but still looked happy and content with being so exhausted.

“How’s my favourite boy?” she asked with a small smile, Steve grinned,

“I’m good, how’re you?”

Carol laughed out loud, “I’m good thankyou Steve”.

Bucky had vanished somewhere towards the living room, coming back with Goose in his arms, giving him a quick cuddle before handing him over.  
Steve patted him on the head quickly before Carol burrowed her face into his fur, thanking them over and over.

Bucky had gone off to find and put together everything Carol had leant them to look after him, handing her the bag of supplies, “Gunna miss that lil guy” he said sweetly.

“Yeah, seriously, if you ever need a babysitter, we’re always here,'' Steve added.

“Thank you guys, that really helps me out” Carol smiled, thanking them again, stifling a yawn as she turned to leave. Despite it not having been very long, Goose had almost become part of their _family_. And Steve almost found it odd, later that night when the two of them were sat side by side on the couch, and there wasn’t a bundle of orange fluff curled up at Bucky’s side.  
They were watching some mind-numbing TV, Steve complaining about their lack of snack food, when Bucky asked him about the comic book proposition.

“It would be good to have a steady income for once” Steve laughed.

“Plus, it’s actually really fun drawing them”.

“Would you get to come up with the story lines?” Bucky asked, and Steve realised he really didn’t know.

“I mean, I told her I was in, but should I send another email about meeting her and talking things through?” Steve asked Bucky seriously, who shrugged,

“Could be a good idea.” he said, which was all Steve needed to grab his phone and quickly type out another message to Hope Summers.

Steve and Bucky were sitting opposite ends of the couch, Bucky mindlessly humming along to the Friends theme tune, Steve quietly eating a bowl of ice cream, ignoring his laptop that was chiming repeatedly on the dining room table, pretending he didn’t hear it until Bucky finally snapped.

“Steve for the love of god!”

“What?”

“Your damn laptop”

“Fine, I’ll turn it off” Steve sighed.

He glanced at one of the messages as he was about to click the shutdown button, seeing a long list of notifications from Natasha which grabbed his attention. Moving the cursor to click on the first one, pulling out a chair to sit down.

_What _he typed out a quick reply to a stream of messages of:

_Steve_

_Steve_

_Steve_

_Answer you moron_

It was barely a second after Steve replied that Natasha had sent a response back

_N: Finally_, _video chat me you idiot_

Steve glanced at the back of Bucky’s head as the skype call beeped for a few seconds before Natasha answered. “Steve!” She sang excitedly,

“What’s so important then?” Steve laughed, and Natasha ran a hand through her hair,

“Oh nothing much” she smirked, practically waving her hand in front of the camera.

“Oh my god!” Steve internally cringed at how high his voice had gone, glancing over at Bucky again, ready to apologize, but Bucky was already looking over at him in interest.

“Clint proposed” Steve told him.

Bucky broke out into a smile then, pushing himself up from the couch and making his way over to Steve, standing behind him and resting a hand on his shoulder. “Bucky!” Natasha cried

“Congratulations!” Bucky smiled into the webcam, and Steve tried not to think about Bucky’s hand on his shoulder, despite Bucky’s presence behind him being enough to nearly distract him completely from Natasha.

She was off on a tangent about wedding invitations when Steve managed to zone back into the conversation.

“Don’t tell me you set a date already?” He asked her, amazed.

“No, but I just found some cute invites” she shrugged, “Anyway, sorry I’ve gotta go, I’ll send some pictures over, tell me which you prefer! Love you! Bye boys!” she rambled, hanging up without giving either of them a chance to respond.

Bucky laughed, lifting his hand from Steve’s shoulder and heading into the kitchen to the freezer.

Steve waited by the laptop for the inevitable invitation templates, watching Bucky pour a bag of frozen fruit into the blender until a message pinged through.

“Buck, which one do you like?” he called over to Bucky, who walked back over to take his place behind Steve, popping a frozen raspberry into his mouth.

The first picture was a simple invitation, a pale pink rose border and bold block lettering

**Natasha and Clint are becoming Mr and Mrs Barton!**

A space for the date and venue underneath.

The second invite was a lot more detailed,

**Natasha Allianova Romanoff and Clint Francis Barton invite you…**

All the words were written in fancy swirly letters, and Steve watched Bucky’s face for his reaction.

“I don’t know” he said thoughtfully, heading back to his blender.

“Do you have to use your full name?” he asked and Steve shrugged from where he was sitting.

“I don’t have a clue, doubt it makes any difference,” he said, as Bucky fitted the lid on top of the blender. “My name’s James” he said casually, flicking the switch, the whir drowning out the conversation before Steve could react. The moment Bucky stopped it to check the texture of the smoothie, Steve seized the opportunity,

“Um what, your name is James?” he asked,

Bucky shrugged “Yeah James Buchanan, that’s where the Bucky comes from” he said smiling at Steve’s shocked expression as he flicked the switch again.

Steve watched Bucky, the sound of the blender acting as the perfect white noise background to his mini fantasy he couldn’t help but imagine. Stood up at the altar, vowing to take James Buchanan Barnes as his lawfully wedded husband. Why else would it matter if Steve knew his real name or not?

“Want a smoothie?” Bucky asked, snapping Steve back to reality as Bucky poured two glasses anyway, taking Steve’s stunned silence as a yes.

Bucky handed Steve one of the glasses and pulled out a chair to sit down across the table from him.

“James huh” Steve said, wondering out loud. “Yeah but nobody’s called me that for... ever, even my mum used to call me Bucky” he said,

“It suits you” Steve said thoughtfully

“Are you Steve? Steven? Stephanopoulos?” Bucky asked, making Steve laugh,

“Stephen, Stephen Grant” he told him, already picturing how their names would look side by side on a save the date.

“Cool” Bucky said, getting up again to fish a straw out of the cupboard, throwing one Steve’s way too.

They stayed there for a while, at the table, making small conversation, Steve occasionally typing a message back to Natasha. He and Bucky had agreed on the simpler looking invitation. It was more Nat and Clint’s speed they’d rationalised. “How long have they been together?” Bucky asked

“Years, I honestly didn’t expect Clint to do it, he was chatting about rings a few months back but I dunno… guess it never really seemed up their street, kind of thought they’d been together long enough that they didn’t care about the official piece of paper ya know. Guarantee it’ll be the best wedding through” Steve said to Bucky who was smiling.

“I know I don’t really know them, but they seem like they’d throw a good party”.

“Speaking of…” Steve clicked the email that just popped up on his screen, titled **Engagement Party**

“Wanna go to one of their parties?” Steve asked with a smile.

“I’m invited as well?” Bucky asked. “Of course,” Steve said, watching Bucky’s smile grow a little more,

“Oh, okay” he said looking down at his drink that was very nearly empty.

When he looked back up, Steve was looking at him with wide eyes.

“What?” Bucky asked,

“We’ll have to get them a present” he said seriously, ignoring how easy it was to refer to the two of them as a _we_. Just letting it come naturally. “Hm, what does a guy get a couple he’s known a couple of months as an engagement present, when they’ve already been together for years and have not 1 but 2 houses together” Bucky said sarcastically, ironically scratching his head, laughing himself out of it almost as quick as he had committed to the act.

Steve laughed with him, feeling himself melt a little at how happy and carefree Bucky looked at that moment.  
“We’ll come up with something” Steve laughed, closing the lid of the laptop and finishing his smoothie which, just like the smoothie maker himself, was unsurprisingly perfect.

Over the next couple of weeks, despite being only very newly engaged, Natasha had thrown herself into full wedding planning mode. Constantly on the lookout for lanterns which she insisted were a table centerpiece must have, checking their savings daily, as if more money might have magically put itself into the account. Budgeting and slowly losing her mind.  
She rang Steve up every other day, complaining about Clint being off with his archery buddies, and how the idiot was probably going to get himself killed before they tied the knot anyway. She was convinced she’d found a grey hair from the stress of it all and it had only been two weeks. She was desperate for a wedding planner, wanting the wedding she envisioned but not wanting to do any of the organising.

“Trouble is Steve, you have no idea how expensive they are, and if I wanna afford the damn dress then that means no wedding planner for me”. Natasha sighed down the phone, moving on quickly to tell Steve about how she’d spent the night at the ER with Clint and an arrow through his foot. “Is he alright?” Steve asked,

“Oh yeah he’s fine, if anything, cockier than ever, god knows why battle wounds do that to men,” she sighed, They think they're damn professionals and they're just plain dumb” she laughed. “Sorry, I’ve been so preoccupied, how’re you? How’s lover boy? How’s the comic book gig?” She asked, suddenly excited at the prospect of hearing all about Steve’s life.

“Things are good, and I assume by lover boy you mean Bucky so 1, shut up, and 2, he’s good. I’ve got a lunch date with Hope Summers tomorrow actually, I guess to hash things out and work out logistics and stuff”

“That’s awesome Steve! You’ll have to tell me all about the meeting. Oh, and you guys are coming to the party at the end of the month, yeah?”

“Yeah of course, and yeah, we wouldn’t miss it, lake house yeah?” he double checked.

“Yeah, from 4, onwards and into the night!” she said excitedly, and Steve had to smile at her giddiness about it all. After they’d hung up the phone, Steve hurried to Bucky’s room, knocking on the door that was pushed almost closed, impatiently waiting for Bucky to answer.

He couldn’t help but smile when his eyes met Bucky’s, he was laying on the bed, flicking through a book.

“I’ve got a present idea!” Steve announced,

“So have I!” Bucky said straight away, Steve smiled, tilting his head slightly to one side,

“Oh yeah?” he asked

“I dunno, engraved glasses is a good wedding gift, right?”

“Yeah!” Steve smiled even bigger, enjoying the way Bucky was looking at him expectantly, it was adorable, and Steve wanted to wrap him in a hug. But instead he stood where he was, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah, I love it!

“Like, Mr and Mrs 2K19 or something” Bucky asked,

“Yeah let’s do it!” Steve agreed straight away.

“What was your idea?” Bucky then asked, and Steve realised he’d forgotten why he’d even gone in there until Bucky asked him.

“Oh yeah! Er, Nat keeps banging on about a wedding planner, thought we could look into booking one for them or something”

“Damn that’s a better idea than mine” Bucky laughed and Steve almost wished he hadn’t said it.

“No!” he insisted, looking at Bucky in a way he hoped wasn’t giving away everything he was feeling, but maybe still told him he was serious and that his idea was so good and cute and appreciated.

The way Bucky half laid half sat on his bed, looking up at Steve with a small sheepish smile made Steve want to walk away, his heart just aching to love him.

The next day Steve showed up at the coffee house, he’d remembered to google a picture of Hope Summers before he left, so he’d at least know which woman to go over to once he’d got there.  
He spotted her through the window before he walked in. she looked exactly like the picture he’d found, long red hair left down, she looked nice, Steve decided as he made his way over to her.

“Hi, are you Hope Summers?” he asked, hovering awkwardly beside the table.

“Hey! Steve right?” she replied, a warm smile on her face,

“Please, have a seat” she said gesturing to the seat opposite hers.

As soon as Steve had sat down, she was turning the laptop on the table round so he could see the screen.

“Wow you’ve made it already,” he asked, a smile playing on his lips as he looked at the picture he had drawn, Vers mid flight, the title of Vers in bold letters across the top of the page.

“Just a possible front cover, we want you to be as involved as possible with the story” she explained, “sorry Steve, do you want a drink at all?” she added and Steve relaxed in her presence,

“I’m okay thanks, and yeah I really love it! And I do actually have some ideas, storyline wise”

“That’s awesome, we’ve got a while until we were hoping to release a first, almost half book, a taster really” Hope continued to explain, “and don’t worry, this is entirely your baby, you’re in control!” she reassured him and Steve was at a loss for words, it was the sort of opportunity he’d never considered being available to him and now he was all but making his own James Howlett comic book.  
“Sorry this is so surreal” Steve laughed awkwardly when he didn’t know what else to say.

Fortunately Hope laughed with him, “I know, so sorry, totally sprung this on you, I just really love the character. You’re a very talented artist” she said kindly and Steve felt himself blush.

“So, Steve, if you want to email me through the ideas, basically the plot and storyline you imagined that’d be great, I can write the script and send that back to you and if you’re all good with it you can draw it? Aim for maybe 10 pages give or take, totally your style, have fun with it! And this is my cell number if you need any help or tips or, well, call me for anything!” Hope said, scribbling a number down onto a napkin and handing it to Steve.

“I’m out of business cards” she laughed as Steve folded it up and put it gently into his shirt pocket.

“Do you have a basic template or anything? I’m so new to this, sorry” Steve apologised embarrassed.

“Of course, no worries I haven’t worked on a new story in so long, we’re in this together” she said reaching a hand for Steve to shake.  
“I look forward to working with you!” she said “I’m really sorry, I’ve gotta dash, call me! And email me that story!” she said excitedly, leaning forward and kissing Steve on each cheek before packing away her laptop and whisking it away, leaving Steve somewhat dumbfounded as she was out the door before he even had time to process everything.

Bucky hugged Steve excitedly once he’d gotten home and told him about the meeting.

“This is so cool!” he said smiling so wide it made Steve want to kiss him. His fingers itching at his side to grab either side of his face and just kiss him with all that he had.

“I have no clue what I’m doing” Steve laughed but Bucky spun away from him, opening the lid to his laptop and telling him to sit down,

“We know the story line, you can send her that at least!” he said manically, making Steve laugh again,

“Okay, okay” he said taking the seat Bucky had pulled out for him. Bucky dragged another chair round to sit beside Steve which somehow comforted him and made him feel on edge simultaneously. And together they remembered everything Steve had joked about when they’d first been left with Goose.

Jotting down bullet points about Carol the government spy/secret agent the sidekick cat or Flerken, another species, Steve briefly explained Goose’s powers and abilities, as well as Vers’ and how she had absorbed the cosmic energy, her superhuman strength and light speed travel.

“Shall we order in some food for dinner?” Bucky asked once Steve had pressed send on the email, leaning back in his chair, happy that he’d made a start to the whole thing.

“Yes please” Steve sighed happily, looking over at Bucky who had his head resting on the back of his chair, wondering what he would do if he leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. A week before the engagement party Steve finally found the perfect gift. Her name was Wanda Maximoff, and she seemed relatively cheap compared to the other wedding planners he’d found online, but every review he’d read simply raved about her so Steve didn’t waste any time.  
He printed out a picture and tucked it inside the card they’d bought, letting Bucky wrap the box of wine glasses. They were pretty, with sparkly silver bases and silver letters saying Mr and Mrs Barton 2k19 across both of them.

A couple of days before the party Natasha called Steve, telling him that although they said the party starts from 4 onwards, they could feel free to head down whenever suited them best. And they could stay the night too, if they preferred, they had the room.  
Steve agreed, saying he’d check with Bucky but was almost entirely confident that he’d be on board with hit.

“Okay yay! See you then dude” Natasha hung up the phone.

“Natasha said we can stay the night at the summer house on Saturday if that’s easier” Steve told Bucky later that evening,

“Sure, probably be a lot easier” Bucky smiled, agreeing instantly, just as Steve knew he would.

“Yeah, I told her we’d probably take them up on that” Steve smiled back at him.

“Should be a good night” he said when he noticed Bucky’s smile falter for a second. “Are there loads of people invited?” he asked, and Steve it suddenly clicked in Steve’s mind that Bucky had some sort of anxiety issues and he wasn’t sure how far they stemmed.

“Err I think there’s quite a few yeah…” he said carefully,

“We’ll just stick together though, it’ll be alright” he tried his best to reassure him and Bucky looked so grateful that Steve couldn’t help but hug him quickly. “It’ll be fun” Bucky said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself more than anything else.

The day of the party, Steve and Bucky drove up to the summer house mid-afternoon, a couple of hours before anyone else was due to be arriving. Clint and Natasha both came outside, as they parked, to welcome them.

“Are we still okay to stay?” Steve asked as he got both their bags out of the car.

“Yeah of course” Natasha said, “although…sorry Clint told all his archery boys they could stay so you’ll have to share a room, is that okay?” she asked, and Steve glanced at Bucky who quickly shrugged.

“Okay” Steve said, as Bucky carried the present into the house.

“You got us a present!” Natasha said happily, throwing an arm around Steve, who glared at her.

“You don’t deserve a present,” he said, but Natasha just squeezed him closer,

“It really was Clint’s fault” she insisted but Steve laughed her off,

“Then why does this feel a lot like a setup?” he said glaring at her again.

Natasha leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, “Love ya Steve” she said, smiling sweetly, making Steve roll his eyes. When the two of them got to the lounge, Clint was already hovering over the present like an excited child on Christmas morning.

“Go on then” Natasha laughed at him, like the exasperated mum.

Clint opened the card, picking up the picture that had fallen onto his lap. It was a screenshot of the web page, but Clint had clearly just zoned in on the picture of the woman. “Have you got us a prostitute?” he asked, looking from Steve to Bucky, eyes wide.  
Luckily for them, Natasha stepped in, slapping him on the shoulder,

“She’s a wedding planner you tit” she said, looking over to the other two and shaking her head in disbelief,

“This is too much you guys” she said but Steve cut her off,

“Just accept it and shut up” he laughed, and Clint just reached for the box, ripping the box open and pulling out the first glass, letting Natasha reach for the second one.

“These are beautiful!” she said,

“That was all Bucky” Steve said, looking over at Bucky endearingly.

Natasha stood up to lean over to Bucky, hugging him tightly, “Thanks they’re beautiful,” she said, and Steve could have sworn he saw Bucky blush a little.

The four of them sat where they were for a while, Steve filling Clint and Natasha in on his meeting with Hope Summers, gushing about how lovely she had been.

“Do you wanna put your stuff in your room?” Natasha asked, when it was suddenly less than an hour until the rest of the guests were due to br arriving, leading the two of them up the stairs and into the room Steve always stayed in.

“Hope it’s not too small” Natasha apologised, and Steve half wanted to jump from the window just from the look on her face.

“Maria’s across the hall from you guys, and I’m sorry, but Clint’s mates are next door… But just so you know, if you think you’ve got the small room, it’s gunna be a damn barbershop quartet in that one” Natasha laughed.

“Whos Maria?” Steve asked, gesturing to the door opposite theirs.

“Oh, my maid of honour, figured I should invite her to stay if you are” she laughed lightly. “What?” she asked when she noticed the frown on Steve’s face.

“Maid of honour and best man you know?” she said, frowning back at him.

Once back downstairs, Steve and Bucky both trailed after Natasha who practically stormed over the Clint as he was trying to fit as many beers into the fridge as possible. Gently punching him on the shoulder,

“What?” he asked, holding his hands up defensively,

“You didn’t ask him” Natasha said sternly, giving him a look.

“Oh shit!” Clint stopped what he was doing and turned to Steve, “You’ll be my best man yeah?” he asked, and Steve laughed at Natasha sighing next to them.

“Yeah of course!” he agreed instantly.

“Awesome” Clint grinned, turning his back again and focusing on playing Tetris with the fridge items. “Sorry kids, got so much to do, you guys gunna be okay to amuse yourselves for a bit yeah?” Natasha asked, moving past Clint to sort out some of the food.

“Yeah of course” Steve said,

“Let us know if there’s anything we can do,” Bucky said at the same time.

“Will do” Natasha replied, already distracted.

For the next hour Steve and Bucky kept to themselves, and when a few people started arriving, they headed outside, sitting on the edge of the dock, each dangling their feet into the water.  
Steve had grabbed the two of them a drink, a beer for himself, and a bottle of j2o for Bucky.

“You getting drunk tonight Rogers?” Bucky winked at him, “the Captain coming out to play?” he asked and Steve felt his cheeks heat up, both at the wink, and the way he had asked the question. “Oh god, I hate that you remember that” he groaned, making Bucky laugh.

“Dude it’s so fucking random I love it”.

“I don’t know why, I really don’t, I mean I studied it for like a year and I was probably drunk for most of that time” he tried to rationalise. “Yeah yeah” Bucky smiled at him, and if he didn’t have that metal arm Steve would have pushed him into the water.

As more people started arriving, they started to spill out to where Steve and Bucky had been enjoying the peace and quiet, and Steve slowly began to notice Bucky looking around at the people chatting and laughing loudly over their drinks. Steve put a hand on his arm gently,

“You alright?” he asked and Bucky smiled at him,

“I just hate people” he laughed, making a joke to cover the anxiety Steve could see in his eyes.

“I know” Steve said, squeezing his arm gently and hoping Bucky knew he was there for him.

As the evening went on, Bucky seemed to relax more. Steve refused to leave his side for even a minute, the two of them trailing around together to get more drinks and Steve could feel his head starting to spin, Bucky laughing at him when he nearly tripped over his own feet, too busy talking manically about how “It’s about Abraham Lincoln you know!”

“What is?” Bucky shook his head at him, mind blank about what he was talking so passionately about.

“The poem” Steve said, rolling his eyes.

“Is he talking about that damn poem again?” Clint sighed as he happened to walk past, Bucky laughed, putting his arm around Steve’s shoulder, almost instantly bringing Steve back to reality, the warm pressure of Bucky’s arm around his neck was a very real reminder that they’d be sharing a room, and he was already far too drunk.

“Clint, look after him real quick” he said quickly, leaning close to Bucky to whisper in his ear, “I’ll be right back”.

Steve locked himself in the bathroom, leaning back against the door and exhaling loudly. His head filled with beer and Bucky as he turned on the tap full blast, ducking his head underneath it and letting himself drink the water flooding his mouth.

He stayed there for a couple of minutes, and by the time he lifted his head out of the sink he was seeing a bit clearer and thinking a lot more soberly.

When he left the bathroom, he looked around for Bucky, his eyes finding Clint but no Bucky in sight.  
He wandered around the lounge and the kitchen, the search for Bucky helping to sober himself up even more, eventually finding him outside, exactly where they had sat earlier, this time sitting cross legged, just looking out at the lake that looked completely black now the sun had set.  
Steve sat down beside him, “hey” he said quietly, feeling guilty when Bucky looked at him,

“Hey you’re back” he said sounding relieved,

“Sorry” Steve apologised for leaving him alone, but Bucky only shook his head,

“It’s alright!” he said plastering a smile on his face.

The two of them stayed where they were outside for the rest of the evening, waiting until the swarms of people began to die down, and only then heading inside, where they could now clearly hear Natasha’s voice. She and Clint were sitting on the couch, Clint’s arm around Natasha, who was resting her head on his shoulder, Maria was sitting opposite them, and a group of men were standing around in a circle by the kitchen doorway. It only took Steve a couple of seconds to work out they were Clint’s archery pals. 

“Hey! Best man!” one of them called out, catching Steve’s attention. “Hey” Steve said heading over to them, “this is Bucky” he quickly introduced him, as he stayed by him, smiling politely. 

“So,” Bucky decided to ask after a few minutes of small talk, “Who was it that shot Clint in the foot?”. The question made them all laugh, except for the man named Phil,

“Oh he didn’t tell you? He did that to himself” he said matter of factly.

“You idiot! I thought you were good” Steve turned around to Clint, who laughed, putting his hand on his chest pretending to be hurt,

“I am!” he insisted, glaring down at Natasha who had started to laugh, then quickly kissed him on the cheek, softening his look immediately.

Eventually everybody started to tire, slowly making their way up to bed, Steve and Bucky making their way up the stairs, following the archers.  
Once in their room Steve was even more thankful for the gallon of water he drank in the bathroom, when it dawned on him that they hadn’t worked out any logistics when it came to sleeping arrangements.

“This isn’t going to be weird is it?” The drunk part of Steve’s brain plucked up the courage to ask. Bucky laughed, “Go have some water Steve” he said, sending him off to the bathroom again.

When Steve came back to the room, Bucky was already in bed, scrolling through his phone, looking up at Steve and smiling slightly before returning to his phone.

Steve had to mentally coach himself for a second before climbing into bed beside Bucky. “Goodnight” he said quietly, pulling the duvet up to his chin and closing his eyes, hoping to fall asleep before he even had time to feel awkward about Bucky’s warm body laying next to him under the same covers.

Steve laid awkwardly, trying to shut his mind off, trying not to think about Bucky. But after only a few minutes he noticed Bucky’s breathing slow, and he risked a quick look at him. Rolling over slowly, he was met with a sleeping Bucky, his face soft and still, the only movement was his chest rising and falling slowly with his breath. Steve stayed still for a while, watching Bucky as his eyes started to move behind their lids, and his breathing began to quicken, a few soft sounds escaping from his lips and Steve quickly realised he was dreaming.

Steve wanted to reach out to him, but hesitated, maybe it would stop on its own, but after a few minutes it was clear it was only getting worse.  
Steve gently placed a hand on his arm wondering if he could even feel it, his other hand stroking his hair softly, racking his brain for something to soothe him, humming a song, rolling his eyes when he realised the first song that came to mind was the most random Bryan Adam’s song.

By the end of the first chorus of Heaven, Bucky had started to settle back to sleep, but Steve stayed where he was for a few more minutes, until Bucky started to roll onto his side, unconsciously grabbing Steve’s hand as he did, pulling him over with him.

He didn’t know what to do at first, should he wrestle his arm back and give him space, but Bucky sighed softly, relaxing back into sleep, and it helped Steve make up his mind, and he smiled to himself, closing his own eyes, Bucky still clinging to his hand.

The next morning Steve woke up, one arm still thrown over Bucky’s waist, one of his legs trapped in between Bucky’s.  
He froze for a second, before slowly trying to move all his limbs away from Bucky, carefully sliding out of bed without waking him.

He sighed as he headed down the stairs, his legs feeling like jelly. Natasha and Clint were already up when he reached the lounge, sitting side by side on the couch, chatting over cups of coffee.

“Morning Steve-o” Clint said with a smile when he saw him,

“Hey,” Steve said, walking straight past them, to grab himself a drink.

“You okay?” Natasha asked, and Steve nodded, unable to stop himself from diving into a step by step recount of the night.

“Wow, Bryan Adams?” Clint laughed and Natasha glared at him,

“You gunna talk to him?” She asked, Steve shook his head,

“nah, I’m just gunna pretend that I didn’t spoon him back to sleep, and forget that he then slept through like a baby the rest of the night” he said sighing to himself. “So where is everyone?” Steve asked, changing the subject.

“Maria’s gone back already, had work early this morning” Natasha explained, “the other boys are still in bed.”

It stayed just the three of them for another half an hour before they heard footsteps on the stairs and Bucky appeared in the doorway.

“Hey dude!” Clint said cheerily and Bucky smiled,

“Hey guys,” he said, and Steve suddenly felt on edge over whether or not bucky would acknowledge him.

“How’d ya sleep?” Natasha asked and Steve fought the urge to slap her,

“Yeah good thanks” Buck said casually, stifling a yawn and getting himself his own drink from the kitchen.

“Sorry!” Natasha apologized with a smile that told Steve she wasn’t actually sorry,

But luckily Bucky also seemed to be committed to pretending nothing had happened, sitting next to Steve when he came back to the room, “What time did you wanna head home?” He asked, turning towards him

“Maybe In a couple of hours?” Steve suggested, looking to Natasha and Clint to check with them,

“Sounds good” Bucky agreed easily, gulping down his glass of water.

The morning flew by quickly and soon Steve and Bucky were more than half way home.  
Things weren’t as awkward as Steve was dreading, a bit quiet, but Steve wrote it down as them both being tired...

Steve was almost grateful when Bucky shut himself away in his room when they’d arrived home, whilst Steve excitedly opened an email from Hope Summers.  
He read through the first few pages of script, and then read through it again, his mind racing for how he could translate the story into pictures.

He went through several pages of rough drafts and experiments before he started to piece together something that resembled the templates Hope had sent across for him.


	4. Stark industries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve enters his artwork into a gallery, Carol plays matchmaker  
Steve meets Tony Stark and finally emails the person who bought a drawing of Bucky.

Over the next couple of weeks, Steve had reached out to Sam a few times, the two of them going out for the routine run they’d missed for the last couple of months.

“So how’s the roommate?” Sam asked one day as they stopped for a quick drink, half way home from their run.

“He’s doing okay” Steve said, careful not to cross any more boundaries when it came to talking about Bucky.

Sam just looked at him, nodding along, but the expression on his face said he didn’t entirely believe everything Steve was saying.

“So… Room mate?” he asked suggestively and Steve rolled his eyes,

“I know , I know , I’m way too invested” he said, sighing mostly to himself.

Sam laughed, “Okay mate... I’m rooting for you though,” he said with a wink that made Steve’s cheeks heat up. Instead of starting up a run again to head home, the two of them just walked side by side, chatting about the surroundings, Steve careful to avoid any more mentions of Bucky, and Sam, a total professional, gave nothing away about clients or members of his PTSD groups.

Slowing down to a walk made Steve very aware of how sweaty he was, feeling uncomfortable with the way the sweat was making his shirt stick to his skin.  
He was in the midst of complaining about needing a shower when he realised Sam wasn’t with him, instead he had stopped a few feet back, peering into the window of a shop, reading a flyer that was stuck to the glass.

“Hey Steve” he called, and Steve obediently walked back to see what he was looking at. Standing beside Sam, he realised they were standing in front of an art gallery, and Sam was reading a small sign posted in the window.

**New and aspiring artists wanted**

There was a date printed underneath, a few lines of text explaining that the gallery would be running an exhibition, free for anyone to enter their artwork into, for one weekend at the end of the month.  
“You ever done something like that?” Sam asked, and Steve shook his head. “Could be cool” Sam said, looking at Steve encouragingly, who relented, quickly snapping a photo of the flyer, the phone number clearly at the bottom of the advertisement.  
“Maybe “ he said quietly, the two of them carrying on with their walk home.

Bucky wasn’t home when Steve arrived back, so he called Natasha, telling her about his morning and about the gallery.  
“What do you think?” he asked.  
“You have to do it!” she said excitedly, so enthusiastically that Steve felt he now had to, even if just for Natasha. She always loved it whenever he showed even a hint of believing in himself.

Steve was swamped during the next week, trying to focus on the Vers comic, getting a few pictures finished, his mind still preoccupied with the upcoming gallery show. He’d rang the number and spoken to someone who was more than encouraging, giving him all the details he’d need, and he’d hung up the phone feeling a little overwhelmed.

He wasn’t sure which pictures to add to the exhibition and Natasha was no help.

“Every single one of those Bucky drawings are beautiful” she kept telling him, no matter how many times he insisted that the beauty in the pictures had nothing to do with his drawing…

Steve just wasn’t convinced he could hang up drawings of Bucky for the city to see, especially when Bucky himself didn’t know, and would likely see it only as an invasion of his privacy.

“We’ll see” he said in response to Natasha, every time, until suddenly it was only a few days away and he was still no closer to a decision.

Hope had praised him for the first few comic pictures he had sent across for her, her reaction helping to boost his ego a little, all while he tried to convince himself what he was feeling was excitement and not anxiety towards the gallery idea. He finally laid out all his sketches across his bed, and picked out his favourites, the one’s he knew were the best.

Choosing 8 of his 24 hour street view sketches, and 6 of Bucky.  
Steve wasn’t sure what made him do it, and he was thankful he hadn’t told Bucky about the gallery when there was now going to be no way he could invite him.  
But he realised if people were going to come see what he had done, then all his pictures of Bucky were really the ones that represented him best.

When he finally remembered to invite people, only a few days before, he sent a quick mass message, surprised, but pleased when everyone said they’d be there.  
Natasha and Clint, Steve hadn’t doubted.  
Sam and Carol were a bit of a longshot, but he was glad there would at least be 4 people there to support him.

When the Friday evening finally came around, Steve was eternally grateful for Natasha and Clint showing up early to support him, relaxing slightly in their presence.

The evening wasn’t as bad as Steve had been dreading, he felt entirely too awkward to be inviting people to look at his own drawings, even with Natasha by his side like glue the entire night, but still, he caught a few people eyeing them, impressed.

Clint flitted around, coming back to his side every now and then, but otherwise taking the time to look at the other artist’s work, grabbing a flute or 2 of champagne that were being handed around.

Natasha was positively beaming the first time a young girl who had been hovering nearby came over to Steve and told him he was very talented.  
But by the end of the night, and many admirers later, she just stood beside him, smug as he blushed each time somebody new came over to compliment him.

“Dunno why you’re so surprised Steve, you’re really good” she rolled her eyes affectionately.

He’d managed to sell 3 of the street view drawings to an interior designer called Luis, who had given him a whole spiel about the house he was designing and how the pictures were magnificent and exactly what he’d been looking for, and Steve couldn’t keep the smile off his face for the rest of the night

Sam dropped by, apologising for not being able to stay for long, and Steve begged his own cheeks to stop flaring up when he noticed Sam’s eyebrows twitch upwards slightly as he scanned the sea of Bucky’s face.

“You’re damn good” he said, reading Steve’s face and not saying anything about how completely obvious he was.

Carol was less bashful about it, she’d been hanging around for a while, talking up Steve’s art to anyone who would stop to listen, making Steve laugh and feel increasingly relaxed as he laughed at her.

“You didn’t invite Bucky then?” she asked, heavily hinting, a smirk on her face.

“Hm yeah… not this time” he laughed, wondering why it was so easy to kid about with her.

Bucky’s door was closed when Steve arrived home that night, and he stood just outside for a minute, silent enough to hear Bucky’s soft breathing, before heading straight to bed himself.

Sleeping peacefully through to the following morning.

The next day was a lot easier, Steve didn’t feel quite as anxious about standing around and listening to people judge his work, because everybody had been so nice, instead he felt guilty.

Bucky was home all day, making lunch and handing Steve cups of coffee without him even having to ask.

He felt like he’d hardly spoken to him, and it felt good to spend time with him again, it just came naturally to spend hours together

When the next evening arrived, Steve said goodbye, making excuses to Bucky that he was going to Natasha’s for the evening, thankful that he didn’t question why, for the first time ever, he wasn’t invited.

That night at the exhibition, faithful as ever, Natasha stayed tight by Steve’s side, Clint floating around, making conversation with just about every artist.

Sam had sent a quick message, apologising for not being able to make it this time.  
But Carol was heading over to him, making Steve smile, not having expected her to show up two nights in a row. “Hey Steve” she smiled kindly.

“Hey! you came again” Steve said, surprised, smiling back at her.

“Well I figured if I could get you to owe me something…” she winked and Steve laughed openly,

“How's Goose?” he asked suggestively, watching as Carol’s eyes sparkled,

“Oh well now you mention it…” she grinned, “any chance you guys could take him again next week?” she asked hopefully.

“Of course!” Steve agreed instantly, “honestly, I was serious before, Bucky loved that cat” he laughed and maybe it was the mention of Bucky’s name but Steve could have sworn he caught a glimpse of his dark hair amongst the crowd.

By the end of the night Steve had sold another picture. One of Steve’s personal favourites that he would be sorry to see go, a drawing of Bucky laid on the couch, the TV remote laying on his chest, one elbow bent, his arm resting on his forehead, his other arm hanging off the edge of the couch, his eyes closed, a small smile on his lips.

Whoever had bought it was willing to pay good money and Steve noted down their email to make sure he asked for an address.

Natasha hugged him happily at the end of the night,

“Confidence is a good look on you Steve,” she grinned and Steve reciprocated the hug,

“Thanks Nat” he laughed, stifling a yawn as they made their way out the door to head home.

Bucky was asleep again when Steve let himself into the apartment, but he couldn’t help himself, hovering in the hallway for a moment before heading to his own room.  
Steve was grateful to be able to spend time with Bucky over the next couple of days, if only to ease his conscience.

He’d realised two nights of staring at his own drawings of Bucky face, as talented as Natasha insisted he was, held no candle to the real thing.

The two of them seemed to fall back into a routine with each other, Bucky was still obsessed with making fruit smoothies, which was more endearing than Steve was willing to admit.

He would set up base at the table and Bucky would watch TV with the subtitles on, or something similar.  
Steve didn’t have to ask, the moment he opened his sketchbook, Bucky, without a sound, or even a look in Steve’s direction, turned the volume down, allowing Steve to concentrate.

He glanced at Bucky, slouched sideways on the couch, silently clicking on the subtitles and suddenly Steve couldn’t concentrate for even a second.  
Instead of picking up a pencil, he opened his laptop, having left his phone in his room to hopefully prevent the distraction.

He typed out a message to Natasha quickly,

S: He turned the TV down

He hardly had to wait a minute before a reply came through.

N: Fantastic

S: so I could focus

N: Doing a great job with that buddy

S: This is serious

N: wow you’re _whipped _whipped

Steve could almost hear her laugh.

S: I’m gunna call you later

N: Sure thing chicken wing

S: Bye Clint

Steve messaged back, instantly hearing Clint take over the chat. A second passed before Clint sent a winky face emoji back to Steve.

When Steve finally managed to buckle down to drawing, able to close his mind off to everything, from all the Bucky of things, doing his best to concentrate only on Carol Danvers and sidekick Flerken.

Over an hour had passed when Bucky was suddenly hovering over his shoulder, the small smile on his face making Steve’s heart thump inside his chest.  
“This is awesome!” Bucky said excitedly,  
“Thanks” Steve replied quietly, and Bucky patted him on the shoulder, heading off into the kitchen and fishing out the blender. “Really Buck?”  
“What? We haven’t tried adding mango yet” Bucky defended himself, looking back at Steve so positively giddy, it was impossible for Steve’s face not to split into a grin. Hell, he almost burst into song.

Mid-afternoon, Bucky appeared from his room, where he’d been shut away for 20 minutes, appearing newly dressed and hair brushed.  
“Heading out for a bit, see you later, I’ll pick up some sugar!” he said as he picked up his keys. Steve had been whining about drinking his coffee without sugar for the past few days, he’d been tempted by Natasha’s suggestion of asking Bucky to simply dip his pinkie into the mug, as he was as sweet as sugar. But he was never able to go through with it.

He didn’t ask where Bucky was off to, even though he was desperate to, choosing to take the opportunity to ring Natasha without Bucky around to overhear all his dirty little secrets.

“Hey Steve” Natasha answered,

“Hey, you guys okay?” Steve asked, hearing his voice echo slightly, “Am I on speaker?” he asked,

“Yeah, sorry, Clint’s been bugging me about spending time with him so I’ve got to at least pretend to include him”

Clint sighed in the background and Steve laughed.

“So…” Natasha started, “He turned the volume down?”

Steve sighed as dramatically as he could to humour Natasha, he knew he sounded crazy.

“He turned the damn volume down” he repeated,

“So then what happened?” Natasha asked,

“Well, nothing”

“Wow, however did you cope?” she laughed sarcastically.

Steve sighed down the phone again,

“It’s bad guys, have you ever realised...Like when one small thing happens, and it’s only tiny but it’s also the one moment that makes you realise…” Steve struggled to put into words how he was feeling and trailed off.

“Steve?” Natasha prompted,

“I’m in love with him”.

“No shit” Clint said from somewhere behind Natasha, and she laughed.

“Yeah, okay Steve” She said,

“What?” Steve asked defensively,

“It’s just a bit obvious don’t you think?” Clint started,

“Hang on” Natasha interrupted, leaving Steve wondering what he was hanging on for, when the line went quiet.

“Sorry, I’m finding a picture” Natasha started to explain.

“You guys already know then” Steve frowned to himself,

“Yeah, sorry mate” Clint apologised.

“When? and how?” Steve asked, and could almost hear the two of them thinking.

“Maybe when I found those drawings of him at the lake house?” Natasha thought out loud.

“No, it was the night before!” Clint said, full of enthusiasm, “In the evening, when we were all outside, and you were off your head drunk, chattin’ about Lincoln or something”

“The poem!” Natasha interjected quickly.

“Yes!” Clint carried on, “You were reciting that poem, and Bucky joined in, if you could have seen the look on your face” Clint laughed.

“I said hang on!” Natasha said fiercely, and Steve rolled his eyes, thinking about how confusing it was to hear the two of them without being able to see what was going on.

“Okay it’s coming,” she said, and a few moments later Steve’s phone pinged in his hand as a message came through.

“There’s a video somewhere as well” Natasha explained as Steve clicked on the photo.

“I’ll try and find it for you” she continued but Steve was stuck staring at the picture, hardly listening.

The photo was an impossible moment Natasha had somehow managed to capture, Steve had paused in the middle of the poem, Bucky having just done his part, and Steve was standing, transfixed by Bucky, his eyes practically pulsating heart shapes as he looked at him.

“Your face is so obvious” Clint said, laughing again,

“But…” Steve started, looking at Bucky in the photo, his face almost a mirror image of Steve’s.

“Yeah, we know” Natasha said simply.

Steve shrugged to himself, “he was drunk” he said, closing his mouth as soon as the words had escaped, realising what he’d said.

“No, he wasn’t”.

Steve could imagine the look on Natasha’s face.

“Um, thanks” Steve said, sounding more unsure than thankful.

“Love you buddy!” Clint called,

“You too guys”.

The end of the conversation left Steve alone with a photo that was telling him the one thing he didn’t allow himself to think. That maybe Bucky felt the same.

Steve felt on edge for the rest of the afternoon as he waited for Bucky to come home, jumping when he heard the door open, anxiously waiting for Bucky to walk into view, as if the moment he saw his face, it would answer all his questions.

“Hey” Bucky said softly from the doorway and Steve felt his own heart flip.

“Hey!” he smiled at him.

“You okay?” he asked as Bucky collapsed onto the couch beside him with a sigh.

“Yeah” Bucky smiled at him, “long afternoon” he shrugged, and Steve nodded, not wanting to pry.

“Sorry, I have… appointments” Bucky began to explain, much to Steve’s surprise.

“It’s okay” Steve tried to reassure him, but Bucky shook his head,

“No, it’s alright, um… just because of my arm, I have, well I go for one or two therapy sessions a week.” Steve stared at him silently, not wanting to interrupt when Bucky was finally opening up.

“That’s, I guess that’s why, when you were talking to that guy about me,” he hesitated, finding it difficult to find the words.

“I know I’m not…alright, I’ve been trying to do something about it, but I hated the idea of other people thinking I needed help as well, fuck! and I forgot the sugar” he said, suddenly lifting the tension from the air.

“It’s okay” Steve smiled.

“Sorry” Bucky sighed again. “I think I’m getting there, I dunno, but at least when I need it, Tony said there’s a job for me”

“Tony?” Steve asked,

“Yeah, I think it’s either an admin or assistant thing at Stark Industries”

“Wait, you mean Tony Stark?” Steve asked, completely lost for words.

“Yeah he designed my arm” Bucky explained.

“That’s amazing, oh my god, he’s incredible”

“Yeah” Bucky laughed awkwardly, “he’s done a pretty good job...one a week, or every two weeks sometimes, I have a thing, for it”

“Your arm?” Steve asked,

“Just check-ups, making sure everything’s working right, it’s a prototype, top of the range, so Tony wanted to monitor it I think, but, no issues just yet” Bucky smiled genuinely.

Steve shook his head in disbelief,

“I can’t believe you know Tony Stark”

“Yeah… It’s just a lot sometimes” Bucky forced a smile and Steve leaned over and hugged him quickly, squeezing him tight.

When he pulled away, he hesitated for a moment before changing the subject completely, lightening the mood.

“I think we should redecorate” he said out of the blue, Bucky’s face softening instantly and a smile spreading across his face.

“Sure, what were you thinking?” he asked.

“Maybe a paint job, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting bored or magnolia” Steve grinned as Bucky rolled his eyes,

“What colour do you want?”

“Thought we could figure that out together” Steve shrugged, “ you busy tomorrow?”

“No, we can go have a look in the morning?” Bucky suggested and Steve agreed instantly,

“Wanna order in some dinner?” he asked.

They spent the rest of the evening side by side on the couch, eating ordered in Chinese food straight out of the box, watching episodes of The Walking Dead together, talking occasionally but otherwise simply enjoying being in each other’s company quietly. By the time the fourth episode was coming to an end Steve felt his head beginning to nod, his eyes closing on their own accord.

He tried to force them open, long enough to see the start of the next episode but was then jolted awake by Bucky gently shaking his shoulder.

“Hey, go to bed dude” he said with a small smile and Steve stifled another yawn, his eyes still out of focus as he nodded and stood up from the couch, waving vaguely in Bucky’s direction as he shuffled off to bed, falling asleep the very moment his head hit the pillow.

Steve woke late the next morning, dragging himself out of bed when he remembered his and Bucky’s plans to go paint shopping together.  
Bucky was already in the kitchen when Steve wandered in,

“Morning sleepy head” he smiled at him, and Steve ran a hand through his hair,

“Yeah… can’t believe I slept I so late” he laughed but Bucky shrugged him off,

“You’ve been busy” he said casually and Steve realised how right he was.

“Speaking of, have you sent those pictures to Hope yet?” Bucky asked,

“Yeah”

“And?”

“She loves them” Steve grinned proudly, and Bucky’s face lit up, it always did something to Steve when Bucky was so interested and proud of Steve’s work. “Sorry, we were meant to be going out this morning” Steve said apologetically, and Bucky shook his head,

“Nah it’s alright, we can head out after lunch if you want?” he proposed, and Steve nodded gratefully.

After they eventually sat down opposite sides of the table for lunch, Bucky gave Steve the time to get dressed and ready to leave, Steve still yawning as he shut the door to his bedroom, fishing clean underwear out the drawers and raking his hands through his hair trying to flatten it a little.

Who knew shopping for paint could be so much fun.

Steve was tempted to grab a hold of Bucky’s hand as they walked the aisles together, it all felt so domestic.  
They walked up one aisle and down the next until they reached the paint sample section, standing together staring at the wall of paint pots blankly. Neither of them saying anything, waiting for the other to make the first suggestion.

Finally, Steve sighed loudly, “Okay, I have no idea” he said, making Bucky laugh.

“That makes two of us” he smiled back before turning his eyes back to the rows of paint.

“Screw it, why don’t we just try loads?” he suggested, picking up a tester pot of bright pink and holding it up to Steve with a smirk, his eyes sparkling.

“Why the hell not” Steve grinned, following suit and collecting a variety of different colours in his arms, khaki green, a bright green blue colour which he momentarily thought matched Bucky’s eyes.

By the end they had 8 different colours between them, Steve paying at the tills and Bucky carrying them home, the bag swinging from his hand as they walked.

The sun was out in full force despite the cold air and Bucky swapped hands so he could use the flesh one to tuck his hair behind his ears and out of his face, Steve’s hands almost itched to do it for him.

The store was only a short walk from their apartment and before long Bucky was holding the door open to let Steve into the lobby ahead of him,

“Thanks” Steve rolled his eyes, a permanent smile stuck on his face.

They walked up the stairs slowly, and right before they reached their front door another one swung open, Carol about to walk out of it.

“Hey guys!” she said cheerily, “Oh Steve, I wanted to catch you actually!” she said.

“I’m gunna take this in” Bucky lifted the bag up slightly, and Steve nodded as Bucky unlocked the door and let himself into their place, the door closing behind him. Only when Steve turned his attention back to Carol did he realise he had watched Bucky the whole time, his cheeks flushing slightly.

Carol had a small smile on her face when Steve turned back to her,

“I just wondered if you’d gotten around to sending that picture off yet?” she asked

“Shit” Steve cursed, suddenly realising he’d forgotten all about it, “Thanks, I’d completely forgotten actually.

“no probs” Carol laughed, her eyes flicking towards Steve’s apartment quickly, “how’s things?” she asked suggestively and Steve looked down at his hands as he picked at his thumb nail awkwardly,

“Nothing new” he said.

“And the paint?” Carol asked, changing the subject a little, “You redecorating?”

“Yeah something like that”

“How come?”

“oh um, well honestly, Bucky was getting a bit emotional and I didn’t know what to do and the first thing that came to mind was paint” Steve admitted, biting his lip embarrassed.

“That’s amazing” Carol laughed loudly, making Steve’s cheeks burn again.

“Well have fun” she winked as she closed her door behind her as she stepped out into the hall.

“Oh, and Steve, thankyou again, but it turns out I don’t need a cat sitter anymore this week” she said turning back to him quickly.

“Okay that’s fine! see you later” Steve smiled as he knocked on his own door.

Bucky opened the door a minute later, looking at him in confusion,

“Sorry, couldn’t be bothered to look for my key” Steve grinned, but Bucky just continued to stare at him,

“I’m sorry can I help you?” he asked feigning oblivious,

“Shut up” Steve laughed, shoving him out the way of the doorway.

They spent the next hour or so painting samples of colour onto various walls, ruling out mustard yellow as soon as it was painted on the wall until eventually they stood back to look at them all together.

Steve was ultra aware of Bucky, standing within arms length, paint in his hair from where he’d tried to brush it out the way, a whole rainbow of colours painted on his hands that were now pulling his hair back from his face, tying it up with the black hair tie on his wrist, a few strands at the front didn’t quite reach and fell loose, dropping back in front of his face again.  
Bucky patted his head, checking over his work before being satisfied.

Steve realised he was staring, unable to look away as a few stray hairs fell down his neck. He’d never seen him with his hair up before but now he was seeing it he could hardly breathe, his eyes unable to look away, wishing he could lean in and kiss the side of his newly exposed neck.

“What do you think?”

Steve realised Buck was talking to him and quickly snapped himself back to reality, cheeks burning,

“Um” he cleared his throat as he went back to looking at the blocks of paint. His eyes fell to the green-blue colour, thinking how he’d definitely like to live in Bucky’s eyes.

“I like these two” he said, pointing towards it and the patch of slate grey. “And I do actually sort of love the pink” he admitted.

“Yeah, it’s kinda cool actually” Bucky agreed.

They spent the next few minutes going round the lounge and hall, painting more patches of paint in random sections to get a better judgement, finally sitting back on the couch.

“Let’s see if any grow on us after a few days?” Bucky suggested.

“Yeah, otherwise we can always go get some more samples tomorrow” Steve laughed, only half joking.

“Sure” Bucky laughed with him, “I’ve got an… appointment thing tomorrow afternoon, er, just an arm thing” he said, frowning a little.

“Okay, I, I mean I can come with you if you wanted”

“You don’t wanna do that, it’ll be boring”

“I don’t mind” Steve assured him,

“It’s okay, I’m so used to it” Bucky smiled gratefully,

“I know, you can get by on your own, but… you don’t have to”.

Bucky sat silent for a minute

“Are you sure?” he asked softly,

“Of course”

“Thankyou Steve” Bucky said quietly and Steve wondered if he’d secretly wished someone would accompany him all this time

“What time is it?” Steve decided to ask,

“2pm“

“Okay, I’m in”

Bucky smiled again, his eyes suddenly finding Steve’s, full of vulnerability.

That evening, after dinner, Steve didn’t see much of Bucky who had shut himself away behind his bedroom door, so Steve did the same. Opening his sketchbook to a blank new page and picked up a pencil.

30 minutes later Steve was looking at the pencil drawing of Bucky, hair tied up, a thin strand falling in front of his eyes and hoping he hadn’t overstepped by inviting himself along to what must have sounded like the perfect opportunity to meet Tony Stark.

Which was when it hit him, Tony Stark. He’d been so focussed on Bucky, being there for him letting him know he wasn’t alone, that his brain had somehow slipped over the Tony Stark of the appointment.

And it wasn’t just Stark Industry offices, but the private workshop itself.

Steve found it difficult to sleep that night.

By the time 1 o'clock came round the next day, Bucky had asked Steve a hundred times if he was sure about tagging along, Steve wanted to scream at him _Of course I do, I love you_.

Bucky was quiet on the walk to the train station, and the train was busy enough for him to be silent during the 20 minute journey too.  
Only when they reached the platform at the other side did he speak again. “It’s only a 10 minute walk” he said, leading the way.

Steve wanted to stop and snap a picture when he saw Stark tower, but decided it wasn’t appropriate.

Bucky was recognised by the young girl at the door, who then handed Steve a visitor's pass.

He followed Bucky towards the elevators, following him into the first one that opened.

When they landed at the bottom floor, the glass doors opened and Steve spotted Tony Stark, looking busy amongst all sorts of expensive and high tech equipment.  
He looked up when the two of them walked in.

“Bucky Barnes, how are you?” he asked, his voice the same smooth, sexy as the videos Steve had watched.

“Good thanks, this is Steve” Bucky introduced him and Steve held out a hand for Tony to shake.

“Hey Steve, good to finally meet you” Tony smiled as Bucky sat down in the seat beside a table, every inch covered in tools and a lot of things Steve couldn’t even name.

“Alright, let’s get going” Tony said, more to himself than to anyone else.

“Dum-e?” He called, and a robot from across the room suddenly sprung into action, skating across the floor and pushing a chair towards Steve, who was now staring, wide eyed, at a loss for words as he cautiously sat down.

“Um, thanks” he said to the robot which then powered down. After Steve had finished staring and looking around in awe he turned his attention back to Bucky, he had shrugged his jacket off and Tony was attempting to hook his arm up to a machine.

Steve’s leg was bouncing up and down as he anxiously watched Bucky, a couple of his metal fingers twitching as Tony fiddled around on a blue holographic computer hovering above the table.

When Bucky flinched a little, Steve automatically reached out to take his hand, Bucky looked down at their hands as he did, before squeezing Steve’s back.  
A tiny smile tugging on the corner of his lips as he started to hum a song.

It took a couple of seconds for Steve to recognise the tune, Heaven, the same song that Steve had hummed to Bucky that night in the lake house, when he had soothed him back to sleep.  
Steve looked at Bucky in shock, it surely couldn’t have been a coincidence. Bucky’s eyes were closed, his hand soft against Steve’s own, the small tune of the Bryan Adams song making Steve’s heart do gymnastics in his chest.

Tony looked up at Bucky, his eyes dropping to their linked hands, a look in his eye that Steve wanted to question. After 15 minutes of testing and tinkering, Tony finally shut down the computer, patting Bucky’s knee,

“All done, good work Barnes, thanks for looking after my handiwork”

Bucky laughed quietly, letting Steve’s hand free.

“Thanks Tony”.

“Nice to meet you Steve” Tony smiled warmly.

“Thanks for what you do for Bucky, you’re so great, it’s a true honour to meet you” Steve gushed.

“C’mon” Bucky dragged him away as Tony laughed.

“That was awesome” Steve said enthusiastically, “Shit...sorry” Steve said quickly, guilt taking over him as he realised how insensitive he was being.

“Thankyou for coming with me” Bucky said quietly.

Making Steve stop in his tracks to hug him.

“Anytime” he promised as Bucky hugged him back.

Bucky threw his arm around Steve’s shoulders while they walked back to the train station, only moving it away when they stepped from the platform and onto the train, finding two empty seats.

Once they finally arrived home, Bucky disappeared to his room for a couple of hours and Steve wondered what it felt like for him, if it drained him in the way Steve imagined it would.

By the time he emerged, Steve was laying in bed, texting Natasha, telling her about his day, it was refreshing to talk to somebody so freely, able to tell her how every time Bucky did anything at all, Steve wanted to confess his love.

Bucky was gone in the morning, and as Steve thought about how it was probably a meeting with his therapist, he wondered how it was going and what he talked about, did he talk about him? His sister? Should he have offered to go with him?

It was strange having the morning to himself, Bucky hadn’t been out this early for a while, but Steve tried to make the most of it, knuckling down to finish the last few drawings of VERS, sending them across to Hope just as Bucky turned his key in the door.

“Wow look at you” Bucky said, eyeing up the pictures spread out across the table in order, Steve’s laptop sat on top of them in the middle.

“Just got to see what she says now” Steve said and Bucky leaned against Steve’s shoulder,

“She’s gunna love them, they’re awesome!” He said and Steve smiled at the reflection of Bucky in his laptop screen.

“How was this morning?” He dared to ask, and Bucky stood up, wandering into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee,

“It was okay”

“Yeah?” Steve asked

“Yeah, I guess it must be more than okay, she reckons we can drop down to once every two weeks, once a week if I wanted” Bucky said with a small shrug.

“That’s so good!” Steve said, genuinely happy for him.

“Proud of you” He said, risking a look up at Bucky who only smiled in return.

A few days into the next week Steve remembered the buyer from the exhibition he still hadn’t gotten around to emailing.

He found the email address he’s had stored on the notes of his phone for weeks now, it was a very generic email he thought to himself as he typed it into his laptop

Bb12345@gmail.com

Hi,

I’m sorry it’s taken a while, was just wanting to ask for an address I can ship the picture you’ve bought?

Thankyou

Steve Rogers

As soon as he clicked send it felt like a big weight off his shoulders, a checkbox he could tick off having done.

Steve was sitting cross legged on the couch, his laptop on the coffee table in front of him, playing some stupid game on his phone that was annoying him but was too addictive to shut down, when almost 25 minutes had passed, and suddenly his laptop made a sound as an email arrived in his inbox.

Steve clicked on the reply, and at first frowned at what appeared to be a very blunt message until he read it.

It was just an address.

Apartment 3B, 107 Ringwood road

Brooklyn NY 11236

That couldn’t be right, the flat number at least had to be a mistake, it didn’t make any sense.

He looked over his shoulder at Bucky who was sitting on one of the dining room chairs, looking at his own phone.

Steve stared at his profile, noticing the slight smile threatening on his lips, his eyes slowly looking over and meeting Steve’s.

_Bucky was alone for the second night in a row, Steve out again saying he was going to Natasha’s but Bucky didn’t believe him, for one, Steve always invited him along, after all, Natasha and Clint were Bucky’s friends now as well._

_He was watching some mind numbing program on TV, staring at a patch of discoloured ceiling that was a lot more interesting to him than whatever the TV was playing._

_When a sharp knock on the door snapped Bucky back to reality, wandering out of the room when another knock came, “yeah yeah, I’m here” he mumbled to himself as he reached the door, opening it to Carol standing on the other side._

_“Carol, Hi” Bucky said, instinctively looking for Goose._

_“Hey Bucky, are you busy?” she asked, a kind smile on her face._

_“Er, no, not really” Bucky said._

_“Good, you’re coming with me”_

_“Where to?”_

_“You’ll see” Carol smiled secretively._

_Bucky was tempted to decline her offer and go back to laying on the couch, but Carol had a spark of excitement in her eye and if Bucky had to stare at the ceiling for much longer he was going to lose his mind._

_“Okay” Bucky gave in, noticing Carol’s coat and scarf, grabbing his own jacket from the hook beside the door._

_He let Carol lead him around the city, until they came to a row of shops, Carol stopping outside an art gallery._

_“What’s this?” Bucky frowned, looking up at the sign for some sort of clue._

_“I’ll go in first, you just...be stealthy” Carol winked as she left him alone in the doorway._

_Bucky watched her disappear into the crowd, walking in her footsteps, and looking around for something that might explain what he was doing there, when his eyes landed on a man the other side of the room. Steve._

_ Natasha standing beside him, saying something that made him laugh. Bucky ignored the pang of jealousy he felt, focusing on the pictures mounted on the wall beside them._

_He looked over drawing after drawing, frozen to the spot as he looked at pictures of his own face. Drawings of him sleeping, and laughing and frowning, they were incredible. He watched as somebody walked up to Steve, presumably to offer a compliment, Steve looked up at his own pictures, smiling to himself a little and Bucky couldn’t help but sigh to himself wistfully as he felt every organ in his body melt into each other at the very sight._

_Steve was laughing at something, mouth open ,eyes full of sparkles, even from where Bucky was standing._

_Bucky continued to eye up the montage of pictures, before forcing himself to look away, before he walked right up to Steve and did something he’d probably regret.  
_ _Rather than spoil his chances, he started talking to a woman seated at a table, papers in front of her. Bucky assumed he could make a buy through her and he was right._

_He gave her his backup email, one he’d not used for years, requesting to remain anonymous to Steve. He hovered around for a few more minutes watching the woman approach Steve, and saw his face light up.  
_ _Bucky’s chest ached at being the one to make that happen, only wishing he could have been standing in front of him and able to hug him tight and show him how damn amazing and talented he was._

_As Bucky turned to make his way back towards the door he almost bumped into a woman heading in the opposite direction,_

_“Sorry” Bucky said quickly before realising it was Natasha. Stopping dead in her tracks, staring at him._

_“Bucky… how… what are you doing here? Has Steve seen you?” she asked all in a rush._

_“Oh, just checking out the local art” Bucky smirked and Natasha slapped him on his arm._

_“You gunna talk to him?” she asked,_

_“Nah, just bought a picture of myself instead”_

_“Well played Barnes” Natasha nodded, impressed. “What do you think?” she asked_

_“He’s damn talented”_

_“Yeah…” Natasha pressed, _

_“And damn adorable” Bucky sighed._

_Natasha laughed, “never heard hercules get called that before”, Bucky couldn’t help but laugh too._

_“Well he is very Hercules, but he’s also very pretty” he said, worried he was going to end up whining like a small child right there in the gallery, sulking over forbidden fruit._

_“In case you hadn’t figured from… you know” Natasha gestured at the pictures, “but he likes you too” she grinned, clearly enjoying being caught in the middle of all their high school pining._

_“Thanks Nat, I’ll catch you later, remember, I was never here!” he hugged her quickly as she laughed at him._

_In the weeks that followed, Bucky was living on the edge of his seat, waiting and wondering if Steve was ever going to email him. He had almost given up, deciding that perhaps Steve was just a terrible salesman, when one day, out of the blue and sitting only feet away from him, he finally sent the email._

_Bucky had been sitting at the dining room table, and spent 20 minutes panicking and overthinking every possible outcome of replying._

_But eventually he did it anyway, no messing around with formal greetings, just a few lines of address._

_He watched Steve out of the corner of his eye as he put his attention back on his laptop, looking frozen in shock as he stared at the screen. Bucky could feel his heart hammering in his chest and instinctively clenched his left fist, metal scratching against metal. A few seconds passed and Bucky felt Steve’s eyes on him and couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his lips, staring at the black screen of his phone, wondering if Steve would be angry._

_Slowly he turned his head, eyes carefully finding Steve’s. Searching them for what he was thinking, and coming up empty handed._

_Steve was the first one to look away._

_Now that Steve was avoiding Bucky’s gaze, he turned his attention back to his phone, texting Natasha._

_B: I’ve totally freaked him out_

_N:you gave him the address?_

_B: yep, and he doesn’t know what to do_

_N: and you’re texting me instead of jumping his bones because…?_

_B: god I regret talking to you at that damn gallery_

_N: yeah but where would you be without my expert advice_

_B: where am I with it_

_N: I admit, nowhere much more exciting, but that’s your fault_

_B: I’m just gunna let him have his little freak out and pretend that everything’s normal_

_N: God you two were made for each other._

_Bucky didn’t reply to that message, tucking his phone away in his pocket, a smile on his face that he knew wouldn’t go away any time soon, as he fished out the blender and a bag of frozen fruit to break the silence._

Steve looked up when he heard the clatter of things falling out a cupboard and Bucky lifting the blender onto the counter, rummaging around in the freezer for something.

Steve watched him for a second before standing up for the couch, momentarily losing his train of thought before picking up his laptop and beginning to leave the room.

"Do you want a glass?” Bucky called out after him, making Steve jump,

“Um, sure thanks” he called back, placing the laptop on his bed and sitting on the edge for a moment, taking a deep breath.

He stayed there for a moment, listening to the running water in the kitchen, closely followed by Bucky’s footsteps as he walked to his room, the slow creak of the door giving Steve the all clear.  
That’s how they stayed for the evening, Steve didn’t know what to say or do to Bucky and so avoided him, only leaving the safety of his room when he knew Bucky was closed away in his.

Natasha was no help, a short text conversation led to the only advice being _just go and climb into bed with him_. Which Steve had to admit, was tempting, but he still couldn’t figure out what Bucky was thinking, did he want Steve to admit everything he felt for him? Or was he just playing a practical joke, messing with his head, he didn’t think Bucky would do that to him but he was struggling to think straight.

The two of them spent the next couple of days following the same pattern, they had lunch together one day and Steve could hardly swallow his food, desperate to confront Bucky but too scared of what might come of it. He wasn’t ready to lose Bucky just yet.

Steve woke up late one day, staying buried under the covers for an extra hour as the cold air outside of his bed signalled the beginning of winter.  
After tiring out every social media platform, Steve begrudgingly climbed out of bed, rooting through the pile of clothes on the chair beside his bed for a jumper.

As he poured himself a mug of coffee he realised Bucky wasn’t home, it was a blessing really, after Steve feeling so out of place and awkward around him for the past couple of days. But half way through the afternoon Steve realised he was missing Bucky like crazy.

Wearing out every good show on TV, having finished the VERS comics he was at a loss with himself for things to do.

Waiting for a response from Hope was taking longer than he expected.

Eventually he attempted a video chat with Natasha and Clint, on the off chance that they would answer, and fortunately for him, Nat picked up on the second ring,

“Hey Steve-o” she sang into the camera, sitting on her couch, mug of coffee in her hands, a mirror image of how Steve was sitting himself.

They chatted casually for a few minutes before Clint came clattering into the camera, dropping his bow onto the table in front of the laptop,

“Hey babe” he said, blowing a kiss into the camera at Steve before turning to Natasha, “And you of course” he smiled and kissed her quickly as she rolled her eyes at him.

“You okay buddy?” Clint asked Steve as he settled down beside Natasha on the couch, putting his feet up on the table.

“Yeah I’m okay” Steve lied, and Natasha tutted,

“He’s pining over lover boy” she said to Clint, who nodded like he knew all along.

“Where’s he at?” he asked and Steve shrugged,

“He doesn’t know” Natasha quickly explained to Clint.

“I miss him” Steve whined, sticking out his lower lip like a toddler. Causing both Natasha and Clint to laugh at him.

“That’s your fault, just fucking tell him already, you can’t avoid him forever, you live in the same damn place” Natasha said, which Steve realised was a completely rational arguemnt but he pouted again all the same,

“I don’t wanna lose him,” he admitted,

“He’s in lo-ove” Natasha sang looking at Clint who stared at her for a moment,

“I know how he feels” he said, leaning into Natasha to kiss her again.

“Guys. Please” Steve complained, wishing they didn’t always act like a couple of young teenagers in love, it didn’t matter how sickening cute they were together.

“How’s the wedding planning going?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Amazing, Wanda is an absolute star” Natasha gushed, “although I think Clint’s been spending more time with her” she said and Steve raised his eyebrows

“Oh yeah?” he asked suggestively,

“He just has a lot more ideas for this wedding than I do, can’t believe I’m going to say this but it turns out I really am just an old romantic and all I care about is marrying you” she carried on, leaning in to Clint and stroking his cheek.

“Get a room” Steve mumbled, but he grinned at them nonetheless.

“When’s he home?” Clint asked,

“Haven’t seen him to ask” Steve said moodily, ignoring how Natasha was now looking at him with pity in her eyes.

“Sorry, you guys go, have fun, plan the wedding of the century” Steve plastered on a smile, “I’ll just wallow by myself,” he sighed dramatically.

“Want Nat to come and suck your dick?” Clint asked seriously, causing Steve to spray out a mouthful of coffee and Natasha to slap him playfully, a list of swear words tumbling from her mouth.

“What? I’m just trying to cheer him up!”

“Right, well why don’t you suck his dick then”

“Hear that Steve? She’s given us her blessing, let’s run away together!”

“Oh yeah? You gunna third wheel with Steve and hot boyfriend?” Natasha laughed

“Could you not just discuss me behind my back like real friends” Steve complained, “I’m all for Clint’s gay awakening but shut up” he rolled his eyes at them, “I’m gunna leave you to it, see you guys” he said,

“Love you!” The two of them chorused together, making Steve smile before he hung up the call.

Steve had already eaten when he finally heard the key in the lock and the sound of Bucky coming through the front door, sitting at the table, suddenly tense.

“Hi” he said, eyes meeting Bucky’s as he reached the doorway.

“Hey” Bucky replied, sitting on a chair beside Steve with a sigh.

“Long day?” Steve asked, wondering for the hundredth time if Bucky would put up a fight if he tried to kiss him. “Yeah” Bucky said, picking up the glass of water Steve had got for himself, Bucky drinking it and putting the empty glass back on the table.

“I had some job interviews” he announced suddenly.

“Really? Where at?” Steve asked surprised,

“Well, a couple of trials, turns out the admin or assistant jobs at Stark, weren’t either or, it was essentially up to me”

Steve sat quietly, giving him the time to carry on.

“So I spent half the day learning one and the other half doing the other” Bucky stood up to find a snack, rummaging around the cupboards for a bag of crisps, sitting bag down after shoving a handful into his mouth.

“And?” Steve pressed,

“Well it turns out admin is really boring” Bucky laughed.

“So you got the assistant one?” Steve asked, already excited for Bucky.

“You’re looking at the newest personal assistant of Pepper Potts” Bucky said proudly, holding his head up high a smirk on his lips. “Part time” he added.

“What the hell! That’s amazing!” Steve gushed excitedly, hugging Bucky before he could overthink about it being weird given their current situation.

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool” Bucky laughed easily, Steve finally relaxing in Bucky’s company for the first time in a while.

“I’m really happy for you Buck” he said softly, unable to help the smile that was a permanent feature on his face when Bucky was around.

“Thanks, start tomorrow” Bucky said, stifling a yawn, not having to tell Steve that even a part time job was going to take it out of him entirely.

“Gunna catch an early night” he said, giving Steve another quick hug as he started to head towards his room.

Steve watched him walk into his room, watching the door close before he realised his eyes were welling up with tears, grateful that things were finally getting back to normal. Realising that it didn’t matter what Bucky was to him, as long as he was in his life, things were better when he was around.

Steve stayed up for a while, playing a game on his phone before he realised how much time he’d actually wasted, yawning as he decided to head off to bed.  
Pausing outside Bucky’s door when he heard the unmistakable sound of Bucky’s laboured breathing. A sound he hadn’t heard for a while.

Steve hesitated for a moment before hearing him again, pushing the door open just enough to slip into the room, finding Bucky as he had many times before, laying on top of the covers, his eyes moving rapidly under their lids, a deep frown on his face, his mouth slightly open, his breathing fast and shallow, Steve stared at him for a second, remembering the last time at the engagement party, before slowly sitting on the end of the bed, shifting upwards until he was level with Bucky, carefully laying beside him,

“Shh” he murmured in his ear, gently brushing his hair back from his face, feeling his clammy forehead under his touch.  
He placed his arm over Bucky’s waist, his lips only inches away from his neck as he hummed into his hair.

Slowly, with Steve stroking small circles onto Bucky’s forearm, he began to settle back into sleep.

Steve stayed still for several minutes after Bucky seemed to be fast asleep.

Bucky stirred slightly when Steve started to roll away, a small sound coming from his lips that made Steve freeze.

“You don’t have to go”. The words that escaped Bucky’s lips were so quiet Steve wasn’t sure he’d really heard them, but the tiny, barely there smile confirmed it.  
And Steve carefully laid back down. Putting his arm around Bucky’s waist again, trying not to react when Bucky’s fingers moved to make contact with his arm.

Steve stared into the darkness, feeling Bucky’s fingers on his skin, breathing in the scent of his hair and trying not to get lost in it, and somehow fell asleep.

Steve was the first one awake, Bucky beside him, the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. Steve’s hand was on his chest, feeling the rise and fall as he breathed, just savouring being beside him like this for a while until he began to panic about the prospect of Bucky waking up.

Sliding out of bed carefully, he made his way into the kitchen to pour himself a much needed cup of coffee.  
He sat down on the couch, putting his feet up on the seat next to him and flicked through the channels on TV, trying to find anything worth watching, finally settling on a police show. Yawning as he leaned back to rest his head on the arm of the chair, mind still reeling from a night spent sharing a bed with Bucky.

Steve was dropping in and out of sleep when through half open eyes he noticed Bucky standing in the kitchen, his hair looked like a birds nest from where Steve was sitting.

“What are you looking for?” Steve called out towards him,

“Oh hey, thought you were asleep” Bucky said, surprised, turning to face him, “It’s my first day and we have absolutely nothing for breakfast” Bucky complained, opening and closing the fridge for the second time.

“We’ve got cereal?” Steve suggested,

“Ew, no” Bucky said immediately, shrugging not long after “screw it, I’ll buy something later” he said, shuffling back to his room, reappearing 10 minutes later, dressed in black trousers and a black and white striped shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Think this is okay?” Bucky asked nervously and Steve wasn’t sure what to say, he looked so good in the shirt that he was thinking about what it would be like to take it off him.

“Yeah! Er, yeah it looks good” Steve tried to say as casually as he could, getting up to stand in front of him, mumbling quietly, “Your collars tucked in”. Mustering up the courage to reach out and fix it for him, begging himself not to react when the tips of his fingers brushed the skin under his collar as he gently flattened it out for him.

“All set” he said, his heart in his throat as he took a step back from him. “Thanks” Bucky said softly, shifting his weight between his feet awkwardly, which was when Steve noticed a book in his hand.

“What’s that?” he asked, nodding towards it,

“Oh, this…” Bucky cleared his throat, his cheeks pinkening in a way Steve had never seen them before, “this is kind of for you, um, I gotta go, but, you can read it” Bucky explained, stumbling over his words, as he handed it out for Steve to take.

Steve stared at it as it landed in his hand, the journal he’d seen laying around in Bucky’s room, occasionally in the kitchen.

“Okay” he said questioningly, narrowing his eyes slightly trying to figure out what was going on behind Bucky’s.

“Okay… bye” Bucky said quickly, turning on his heels to leave, leaving Steve stood alone in the kitchen, still staring at the journal in hand as if it might bite him.

Steve mulled it over all morning, never once opening the journal. It had been 3 hours since Bucky had left when Steve began to get annoyed at himself, finding a coat instead of moping around the flat alone anymore. He tucked the journal into his bag just in case, and headed out.  
He knew the way to Stark Industries now, and sat on the train by himself, his leg twitching in anticipation for the entire ride there.

“Hi, I’m here to see Bucky, er, James?” Steve asked at the reception desk, suddenly unsure of what name Bucky would have given, “he forgot his lunch…” Steve explained bashfully, holding up a white paper bag for her to see.

“Sure” she smiled at him, “his desk is right over there” she pointed to her left and Steve spotted him throw a crowd, “do you mind wearing this visitors pass?” she asked, handing it over the desk as she asked.

“Steve! What are you doing here?” Bucky looked up at him, eyes wide but shining with happiness,

“Just thought I’d drop in, see how it was going, I brought you some lunch” Steve handed him the paper bag feeling stupid for coming all this way.

“You’re amazing, thanks” Bucky said, sounding like he truly meant it, as he straight away took a bite of the croissant, “It’s still warm!” he said amazed, looking back at Steve who laughed,

“There’s this super cute bakery just down the road,” he explained, “So how is it?”

“It’s actually been awesome, everyone’s so nice” Bucky said, unable to stop the smile spreading across his face.

“That’s great Buck! I hope I didn’t interrupt you, I wasn’t gunna stay long, I’ll leave you to it” Steve rambled, smiling.

“Okay, thankyou Steve” Bucky said softly, putting his hand on top of Steve’s for a second.

“See you later”.

The train ride home felt a lot shorter than it had done on the way, Steve now feeling like he’d accomplished something important.

Instead of going straight home, he took a detour through the park near their apartment,  
he walked almost the whole way through the park before finding an available bench, sitting down and eating the croissant he’d bought himself, no longer warm but still delicious.

He savoured it for a while, balling up the paper bag and pocketing it, sweeping crumbs off his lap and onto the floor.

He looked around at the people in the park, watching a child climb a tree before realising he was putting off the inevitable and finally relented, pulling Bucky’s journal out of his bag and taking a breath.  
The journal was less than half full, and it didn’t take Steve long to read through most of it, Bucky’s big writing easily filling up pages, Steve’s eyes were filled with tears threatening to spill as he read about the car accident, losing his entire family, losing his arm.

The last 10 pages were written differently.

Letters.


	5. Rose petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve reads Bucky's letters.  
Bucky gets closure on his sister.  
Clint and Natasha finally tie the knot, and Steve's comic book comes out in full.

_Dear Bucky_

_Darcey wants you to start writing letters. It’s a stupid idea, you’re terrible at writing, but apparently you need to stop hating yourself so what the hell._

_So she said to list the good things,_

_Painting the walls with Steve was fun,_

_You’ve got a bunch of new friends_

_Darcey thinks you’re doing better so that’s something_

_This was a bad idea_

_Dear Bucky_

_You killed your sister. _

_You’ll never forgive yourself._

_Good._

_You shouldn’t._

_It should have been you _

_Dear Bucky_

_You didn’t even try to help her. _

_Dear Bucky_

_Apparently it’s counterproductive to write negative letters to yourself, you need to sort it out Barnes._

_Dear Bucky_

_I am positive (See Darcey, I can write positively) that your parents were right for abandoning you, you killed their baby girl._

_It was an accident, but you killed her._

_Dear Bucky,_

_If Becca was here she would have forgiven you, it’s okay._

_You’ve got a job at Stark industries! Bet nobody ever thought that would happen. You beat the odds dude, you gotta prove them wrong._

_But it doesn’t matter, Steve was proud of you. _

_Dear Becca_

_I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was possible to be so sorry. If I could take it all back I would in a heartbeat, I’d trade places with you in a second. You didn’t deserve it._

_You didn’t deserve me._

_I’m sorry Bec, I didn’t mean to._

_It was another car you know. Please forgive me. I’m going to make something of myself for you, everything is for you._

_I think I would have given up long ago if I didn’t think of you with everything I do._

_I stare at your photo and wonder what you’d be like now, would you be as fearless as you were back then? You always were so strong._

_I look in the mirror and wonder if you’d have the same dark hair as me._

_What if i was the one that died? What if you survived but at a cost?_

_What if I hadn’t drank that night? What if I’d pulled you from the car in time._

_There’s a lot of what ifs._

_I can still see the car you know… It makes me sick to remember it but I do._

_There was glass in my arm, it was disgusting Bec, I don’t even know how I got that far from the car…_

_It was so scary, I watched it all happen, there was nothing I could do._

_I hate it Bec, but I remember it, laying in a pile of glass, I couldn’t even feel my arm, I tried to yell out, I promise I did, It was so dark that night, but when it happened… god it was like firework night times a million._

_God it was so bright, and so loud, it was honestly deafening, I thought everything was on fire, My heart felt like it was on fire. There were a bunch of people trying to pick me up, the ambulance lights still flashing but I was screaming, I know I was, I promise I didn’t give up on you._

_But they wouldn’t let me up, I just wanted to find you, hold you one last time. Tell you I loved you. I remember thinking it was raining, they had to dry my off in the ambulance, I felt soaked through, but I guess it was blood._

_I think I knew right then that mum and dad wouldn’t wanna know after that, they tell you in the hospital when you have an arm amputated that you need a support system in place. I was a special case, I think I would have died otherwise._

_But it was exhausting, waking up and there were doctors everywhere, checking up on me constantly, not wanting to leave me, telling me I was strong, I had to be, I had to be my own support system. You don’t know how hard that is Becca. I didn’t even want to be alive._

_They didn’t even trust me for the first few nights to be alone, coming in every couple of hours, I think they thought I was gunna off myself, and honestly I think I would have if they hadn’t been barging in all the time._

_I’m glad I didn’t, I gotta live for the two of us now, I know that , I’m really trying but you dunno how trying it really is, It’s impossible to explain, I know...I do know it wasn’t my fault. But I shouldn’t have been driving that night, _

_I hope you can forgive me Becca._

_I’ll never forgive myself. _

_Dear Steve,_

_There’s so much I want to tell you, I don’t even know how._

_I remember that night at the engagement party, I’d woken up from a dream and you were humming a song and stroking my hair. I felt like a little kid, everything being made better after a bad dream. You made me feel safe._

_Do you remember that night? You refused to leave my side the whole evening, I thought you were gunna beat up Clint when you found out he’d left me._

_And do you remember the first time we stayed there? You were beyond drunk and quoting Walt Whitman, you paused for a moment and I recited a couple of lines, the look on your face… hell the way you looked at me filled my brain with more serotonin than I knew what to do with._

_Tell you a secret, I’ve memorised that poem since then. Making sure I’d know it all the way through if you ever started spouting it again. I guess I love the idea of being the one to make you happy._

_I admit, it would have been easier to simply talk to you at that art exhibition, but it was more fun this way._

_Carol invited me, I guess you invited her, and it was weird seeing pictures of myself, but it was weirder not being the person at your side. I wanted to hold your hand and tell you how proud I was. How proud I AM._

_I literally bumped into Natasha that night, and thank god I did. I wonder if I’d even be writing this now if I hadn’t._

_I was scared she’d tell you, even though she promised not to, I don’t know her like you do, I didn’t know how long she’d keep quiet for. So I guess I have her to thank for everything, despite all her advice being completely terrible. _

_You know at four different times her advice has been simply, “who’s your daddy”. I have no idea if she was serious._

_But that’s not important._

_I’m so proud of you Steve, everything you’ve accomplished is amazing, I’m in awe of you all the goddamn time, I can’t even believe you’d like me back, I was so scared you wouldn’t want to know me. But at some point you like someone enough that the thought of risking it all for then just isn’t so scary._

_Thankyou for coming with me to my arm appointment, I don’t think I realised how much I was missing, not having somebody there with me._

_That was a funny day, I can’t describe the feeling… it hurts, in an odd, uncomfortable kind of way, and when you took my hand… well it hurt a little less. I couldn’t help myself, you should’ve seen you when I started humming that song, you know, Heaven. I swear Steve, you nearly fell off your chair._

_I do wonder why you chose that song. Was it just the first one to come to mind? Or was there a deeper meaning? Did you mean the words you were humming? Did it feel like heaven? It felt like heaven being held by you. _

_Every minute I spend with you, is just the best part of my day, just staring at those patches of paint felt like a dream come true. As impossible as that seems._

_I feel like nothing in my life has ever been normal, my sister…_

_Losing my arm, adjusting to a new life, new city, losing my family, I’ve got a therapist and a goddamn arm technician in Tony Stark, everything always feels so exhausting, but since moving in with you, things are beginning to feel normal again._

_I know I’m a mess, I probably always will be, I think that’s why it hurt so much when I heard you talking to that support group guy, it’s hard enough feeling so messed up, yet alone finding out that the one person you want to love you, also thinks that too._

_I’m pretty broken Steve, but every time you so much as look at me with your shiny, starry eyes, it feels like a few pieces fit themselves back together._

_I’ve been so scared of believing I deserve anything good, so scared of taking what I wanted, but I want you Steve, and I’m only a little bit scared to admit that now._

Steve closed the book. Completely unable to move for a minute. He took a second to realise there were tears staining his cheeks, and closed his eyes as he leaned back on the bench, breathing slowly, a million pictures racing through his mind like a power point on fast forward.

He wanted to be within arms reach of Bucky more than ever before. His head full of Bucky’s pain and anger, wishing there was any way of helping him forgive himself. Desperate to kiss all his pain away and wondering for the first time if maybe that was a real possibility.

_I want you Steve._ The words ringing in his ears like Bucky had whispered them to Steve himself.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Steve rose from the bench and headed home.

It took him a lot longer than it should have and once inside the front door he went straight to his room, closing the door all the way and sitting in the middle of his bed, still holding Bucky’s journal in his hands.  
He flicked through the pages a couple more times, rereading the letters on its pages, and then re reading them again. Picking out his favourite lines and committing them to memory.

When he was sure he had remembered everything important, he closed the book again, leaving his room to put the journal on Bucky’s bed, his mind already full of different scenarios for when Bucky came home.

He found himself back in his room, laying still, staring at the blank cream wall like he used to when Bucky’s dreams first started. Plugging in his headphones and blasting music into his ears to try and shut all his thoughts out.  
40 minutes had passed, when Steve left his room, half an hour left on the clock before Bucky should be arriving home.

45 minutes later the door finally clicked open, Steve freezing for a brief second before willing himself to continue stirring the pasta.

Steve was sure it had been near on 5 minutes since Bucky had come in, when he felt his presence behind him, hovering in the kitchen doorway, journal in hand.  
When Steve turned to look at him, Bucky met his eyes,

“Hi” he said quietly and with those two letters, Steve melted.

“Steve…” Bucky started, but Steve beat him to it.

“Bucky” he said, turning to face him completely.

Taking a breath as he took one step closer, standing face to face with him,

“It wasn’t your fault, I promise you it wasn’t. Everything that happened, everything that happened to you, you didn’t deserve any of it. And I am so proud of how far you’ve come.” Steve said so passionately, desperate for Bucky to believe his words.

“That accident… you’re not a bad writer Buck. Your parents don’t know what they’ve missed out on, the brilliant man they’re missing.

It was an accident Bucky, just an accident. She would have forgiven you” he said, raising his hands to gently cup Bucky’s face as tears fell down his cheeks, his eyes dropping to the floor, avoiding Steve’s eyes. Steve tightened his hold on his face, stroking his fingers against his temples, and lifting his face to look at him.

“You’re my best friend. And you’re not broken. Not to me. You deserve the very best, you deserve everything you want, and if you’re still wondering what I want…” Steve felt his own eyes prick with tears as he looked into Bucky’s eyes, smiling softly before he leaned in closer, Bucky meeting him in the middle as Steve finally kissed him.

Steve’s hands were still on Bucky’s face as he pulled him in impossibly closer, and Bucky placed a hand on his waist, the other resting on the kitchen counter, covering Steve’s body with his own.

A few perfect seconds later Bucky pulled back slowly,

“The pasta’s boiling over” he whispered against Steve’s skin, and Steve turned to see the water overflowing from the pan.

“I don’t care” he whispered back, desperate to close the gap between them again.

Eventually they wound up on the couch side by side, the TV blaring, but both only had eyes for each other. Their two empty bowls on the coffee table, Steve staring at Bucky who stared at the TV.

“You’re staring” Bucky said, attempting to sound unimpressed but a smirk taking over his face.

“You’re a lot more interesting”.

Bucky turned to face Steve, and soon they ended up, sitting either ends of the couch, facing each other.

“Do you really believe that?” he asked slowly,

“What? That you’re more interesting?” Steve smiled but Bucky shook his head,

“That Becca would have forgiven me?” he asked sadly, taking Steve by surprise, not answering at first, instead scooting closer to Bucky, close enough that their knees touched.

“Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to do this for” Steve said, leaning in quickly to kiss him softly, before backing up a few inches, “you are…” he shook his head like he could hardly believe it, kissing him again “my favourite” he mumbled against Bucky’s lips, between kisses. “And I don’t even have to know Becca, to know for a fact, that she would have loved and forgiven you no matter what” he leaned forward again, resting his forehead on Bucky’s , the two of them stayed still for a few seconds, neither of them saying a word.

“You’re too good for me” Bucky said quietly. “Not true” Steve whispered, closing his eyes to see the firework show as Bucky kissed him.

That’s how they spent the remainder of the evening, kissing and talking and ignoring the television. Until Bucky’s eyes started to struggle to keep themselves open.

“I’m gunna have to call it a night, sorry” He said, hanging his head sadly,

“That’s okay, I’m gunna get a drink and head off too” Steve smiled at him, reaching out to touch the side of his face again. Just because he could.

“Okay, goodnight” Bucky said, hesitant to leave.

As Steve began making himself a hot chocolate, Bucky called out from his room

“Can you bring me my phone when you you’re finished”

“Lazy!” Steve called back,

“Pretty please.”

Steve smiled as he picked up his mug, then picked Bucky’s phone up in the same hand he held his own.

He balanced his mug on the shelf in the hallway as he stopped outside Bucky’s room, knocking gently and pushing the door open, Bucky was laid in bed curled up on his side, under the covers, hair fanned out behind him. He looked over at Steve and smiled as he walked over to him and placed his phone in Bucky’s hand.

Steve hovered by his bedside for a second “Night, Buck” he said softly before turning to leave, stopped by Bucky who reached out and took his hand .

“Steve” he whispered, his eyes fluttering closed. “Stay” he said barely audible and Steve’s heart jumped at the contact, his head tilting to the side of its own accord as he looked at Bucky, charmed.

After a second, Bucky dropped his hand, and Steve walked round the edge of the bed, lifting the covers and sliding into bed beside him, pulling his t-shirt off over his head. Laying down beside Bucky, fitting his body against Bucky’s like two spoons in a drawer, putting his arm over Bucky’s waist, lifting his head ever so slightly to kiss his temple, watching the smile spread across his face.

“Goodnight Bucky”

“Goodnight Stevie” Bucky mumbled, already half asleep, leaving Steve to fall asleep with a smile on his face.

His hot chocolate left to go cold in the hallway.

When Steve woke, Bucky was already awake, laying on his side facing Steve, watching him.

Steve felt very conscious of how his mouth had probably been open as he slept, thanking god he didn’t drool. But as soon as the worry entered his head, it faded away as he looked into Bucky’s eyes.

“Morning” Bucky smiled

“Well this is different” Steve mumbled, shifting closer to Bucky until he was pressed up against him, pressing his feet against Bucky’s.

“Hm, good?” Bucky asked and Steve laughed against him,

“Definitely good” he kissed his shoulder softly.

"Are you working today?”

“later, 2-6” Bucky told him.

“Okay good” Steve smiled against Bucky’s skin, pleased that they had the morning together,

They stayed in bed for a while, until the sun streaming in through the window and each others body heat started to make it impossible to stay under the covers together.

“It’s hot” Bucky whined and Steve took the opportunity to climb out of bed.

“Sorry should I go?” he joked.

“No, come back” Bucky complained sticking his bottom lip out as he grasped Steve’s hand.

“C’mon” Steve laughed again, pulling him up until he gave in and followed.

They sat together at the table, Bucky nursing a cup of coffee, Steve eating his way through a piece of toast. Bucky was leaning back in his chair, resting his feet on Steve’s knees.  
It was a simple gesture but Steve realised however comfortable he’d ever felt around Bucky, it had nothing on the way he felt around him now.

They spent the morning catching up on chores, Steve realising he no longer felt any apprehension about squeezing past Bucky, or asking him for anything as they shared out the washing and drying up, Steve reaching past Bucky to put a couple of mugs in the cupboard, resting his hand on his waist as he leant up on his tiptoes.

“Hey” Bucky said softly as they wound up nose to nose, kissing him gently before turning back to stacking plates.

Bucky started getting himself ready at half 12 and around 1pm he kissed Steve goodbye, both of them lingering for a few seconds, not wanting to pull away from each other.

As soon as the door closed behind Bucky , Steve exhaled, suddenly at a loss with what to do with himself, Bucky’s company was just about the only place he wanted to be, and lucky for him hardly 5 minutes later Bucky came crashing in through the door,

“What’d you forget?” Steve yelled out to him.

“Steve!” Bucky was suddenly in the doorway, waving a package around excitedly, “It’s for you” he grinned, handing it over but hovering by his side, unable to stand still with excitement.

Steve looked at the brown envelope now in his hands and smiled, realising what Bucky was excited about as he ripped it open, pulling out a letter which he read first.

Dear Steve

Please find 2 copies of the first draft of VERS enclosed, we hope you’re as happy with the outcome as we are.

We are excited to continue this journey with you and hopefully create a full length version of this book.

We wanted you to be the first to see the final result, sharing a copy with whoever you choose.

Thank you again for coming aboard with us on this project, we are excited for the future, and your first paycheck should be with you shortly!

You’ve done a smashing job!

Kind regards

James Howlett.

Steve read the letter with wide eyes, before handing it to Bucky for him to read through, tipping out the contents of the envelope, handing one copy of the comic to Bucky, and flicking through the other one himself, turning the pages and smiling at the result.

It was so strange to see something he conjured up in his head alive on the pages of an actual book. His pictures being brought to life by Hope Summer’s words.

“This is so weird” Steve muttered to himself,

“am I a published artist now?” he tried to figure out the right wording

“This is amazing! I’m so fucking proud of you” Bucky’s face was serious but his eyes were filled with passion as he looked into Steve’s.

“I guess it is pretty cool” Steve laughed, flicking through the pages again.

“Pretty cool? Steve you’re incredible can you please realise that” Bucky sighed at him, and Steve only stared back

“You’re incredible” he shrugged, Bucky reached over and took the book from his hands, making Steve look up in surprise, giving Bucky the perfect opportunity to kiss him.

Steve leaned into the kiss, wrapping a hand around Bucky’s neck and pulling him in as close as possible, as Bucky squeezed his waist.

They only pulled apart when Steve accidentally bit Bucky’s lip, both of them laughing.

“You’re gunna be late for work!” Steve suddenly realised and Bucky shot him a look,

“I can be late just this once” he smirked, giving him another quick kiss.

“Okay but yeah I really should get going” he said, laughing again as he glanced at the time.

“Hey Steve, haven’t heard from you in a couple of days” Natasha picked up after the third ring.

“Yeah sorry” Steve apologised,

“So how’s things?” Natasha asked,

“Things are… good” Steve said, unable to conceal his smile, “Yeah? Why do you sound so… wait, how good are we talking?” Natasha seemed to quickly piece together exactly what Steve was implying.

“The best” Steve sighed down the phone,

“Oh my god Steve you sound totally lovesick. So you finally told him?” Natasha laughed at him

“Well sort of, it was a joint effort”

“Okay I’m confused, but about time! I’m so happy for you!” Natasha said happily, “guessing you were going out of mind without him?” she said suggestively and Steve sighed again,

“Yeah kind of… but anyway, how’s the wedding planning, not long to go now!” Steve changed the subject. And he could almost imagine Natasha’s despair.

“Nobody ever tells you how hard and how damn stressful wedding planning is! Thank god for Wanda or I’d be completely out of my mind by now!” she complained,

“You get your tux yet?” she asked ad Steve shook his head to the phone pointlessly,

“Not yet, but I will, don’t worry, what about you, got your dress yet?”

“Yep and it’s amazing, and about the only thing I’ve had any say in” Steve opened his mouth to apologise for that but Natasha read his mind even through the call,

“Don’t worry, that’s exactly how I like it”.

Once off the phone Steve started thinking about how else to pass the time when he caught another glimpse of his comic sitting open on the table, looking at the picture on the open page, grinning to himself as he looked at the flerken with tentacles coming from it’s mouth aggressively before realising what he needed to do.

Grabbing the book, he headed out the front door.

Steve knocked on Carol’s door. Waiting for an answer that didn’t come, and then knocking again. This time the door swinging open, Carol with one headphone in, the other handing down a gym top and leggings.

“Hey Steve!” She greeted him,

“Hey I need to talk to you”

“Everything okay?” She asked, stepping back from the door, “want to come in?” She offered, allowing Steve to enter, pulling the wire from her ear.

The two of them sat on the couch, Carol looking at Steve with concern,

“So you brought Bucky to the exhibition?” Steve said, forcing himself not to smile or give anything away.

“Shit, yeah I did I’m sorry, why what happened?” She asked guiltily,

“He bought a picture of himself,” “Oh really” Carol said and Steve rolled his eyes,

“Okay so you knew that”

“Yeah sorry” Carol actually laughed. “Are you mad?”

“No, because maybe if you hadn’t of done that me and Bucky would have just carried on living and pretending nothing was going on and I would’ve regretted that until the day I die” Steve leaned back against the couch, smirking a little,

“You mean...?” Carol began to ask and Steve let himself break out into a grin

“I mean, thank you” he leaned across and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“Wow well you don’t have to thank me, honestly, you two are so cute, tell you the truth I thought you were already a couple when I moved in” she admitted when Steve let her go.

“That obvious huh” Steve raised his eyebrows, before carrying on “I do actually have something for you though”.

Carols eyes fell to the thin book that Steve was holding, fiddling with the corner of the page.

“But I just wanna say, well, this is just a preview, a sort of tester to see how it goes down, and I can cancel it right now, or I can make sure there’s never a full version of you don’t like it or don’t want it to be out there, um, but yeah here you go” Steve stuttered, Carol frowning when Steve finally handed over the comic.

Carol raised her eyebrows when she looked at it, but her eyes were softer, and she began to turn the pages one at a time, the expression on her face unreadable, no matter how hard Steve tried. He sat fiddling with his hands, picking at his thumb nail anxiously as he waited for her to say something.

“Vers?” she said questioningly,

“Er it’s short for Danvers” Steve explained embarrassed, hoping she didn’t ask how he possibly knew her last name, but fortunately she simply nodded. “This is so freaking cool” she said suddenly breaking out into a smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah honestly, it’s me and goose? As comic superheroes?”

“Yeah” Steve couldn’t quite meet her eye, still embarrassed

“I can’t believe this, this is so awesome, Steve I love it!” She hugged him, squeezing his shoulders right and Steve relaxed a little

“You really like it?” He asked for clarification and she nodded enthusiastically

“I really love it”

“You can keep that one, I wanted you to have the first copy because well, it’s you” Steve laughed a little and Carols eyes widened “are you sure?”

“Yeah of course! It’s yours, and I can give you some of the profit or whatever I get for it”

“Don’t be stupid I’m not taking your money Steve, this is all you” Carol rolled her eyes at him. “Thank you though, this is seriously the best”.

When Bucky finally arrived home, Steve realised this was the first time he would be able to kiss him hello and show him how happy he was to see him.  
Although that all very nearly went out the window when Bucky waltzed into the lounge and crept up to Steve, putting both his hands onto his cheeks from behind him.

“Are my hands cold?” He whispered against his ear seductively and Steve jumped from where he’d been sitting

“Fucking hell Buck!” He swore, whipping around at him.

Bucky just grinned, finding it funny and buried his face against Steve’s neck, the cold of his cheek taking Steve’s breath away. But that was nothing new when it came to Bucky.

Steve turned around where he sat, to kiss him, his lips cold against his.

“You’re so cold” Steve whispered against his lips as they broke apart, only centimetres between them.

“Warm me up then” Bucky replied without opening his eyes, Steve not needing anymore invitation to carry on kissing him, locking his fingers into his hair and pulling him in, Bucky’s ice cold hands were on Steve’s neck, making Steve feel like he was on fire beneath them.

When Steve bit his lip again, Bucky sighed against him, kissing him harder, tugging on the collar of his shirt until there wasn’t even a millimetre of space between them, leaving them both breathless when they pulled away.

“Hey” Steve said, starting to laugh,

“Hey yourself” Bucky gave him another peck on the lips.

“Good day?” Steve asked as Bucky leaned back against him on the couch, leaning all his weight onto Steve’s chest, Steve beginning to absentmindedly play with his hair, twisting it round his fingers.

“Yeah it was good, yours?”

“Yeah I gave Carol one of the comics” Steve smiled even though Bucky couldn’t see him,

“did she love it?” He said his own smile growing on his lips. “Yeah she did” Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head. “I also questioned her about bringing you to that gallery thing”

“Oh god you did?”

“Yeah it was pretty funny actually, but yeah, I told her thanks for finally giving us the kick up the ass we needed” Steve said through a smile,

“Yeah that’s kinda true” Bucky tilted his head back to look up at Steve.

“It’s really embarrassing how obsessed with you I am” Steve admitted quietly, and Bucky locked eyes with him, serious,

“Well yeah I’d hope so” he said slowly, breaking into a grin when Steve sighed at him.

During the weeks that followed, the two of them started to evolve into a couple, Steve found himself talking about himself not as an I, but as a we.

Winter had arrived in full force, and the two of them spent their days staying in together, always touching in any way possible, watching cheesy romantic comedies as the snow started to fall outside. Steve was absentmindedly playing with Bucky's fingers, the two of theirs intertwined, when he realised Bucky was watching him closely.  
“What?” he asked,  
“Nothing” Bucky smiled, his eyes soft in a way that made Steve melt, and he realised how hard he had fallen for him.

They’d decided to take things slow, after one particularly heated moment, laying on the couch, when Bucky had called it off.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t… It’s hard to feel comfortable around someone since the arm” he tried to explain and Steve listened as he carried on.

“It’s been a while, I just… don’t wanna ruin it yet” he said, closing his eyes in embarrassment. Steve had leant in and kissed the tip of his nose, making him smile, “We can do whatever you want” he said gently, giving Bucky full permission to set whatever boundaries he wanted.

At some point the two of them had officially moved into sharing a room. Right before Christmas.

Bucky had been working late one night and Steve was already in bed when he got home, so he had climbed over him and into bed beside him.

“You’re home” Steve had mumbled as he rolled over to cuddle up to him,

“Missed you” Bucky kissed the top of his head softly.

The following morning Bucky had been sitting up against the pillows, scrolling through something on his phone hen Steve had opened his eyes, smiling the second his eyes landed on Bucky.

“So, whose bed do we prefer?” he asked laughing,

“Don't care, s’long as you’re in it” Steve smiled sleepily, his eyes fluttering closed again.

“”What do you think?”

“I think I like yours, you’re rooms bigger as well” he decided as he looked around at all the empty space, Steve’s sketchbook was thrown on the floor beside the bed, his clothes piled high on a chair in the corner.

“Move in then” Steve mumbled again, face still buried under the covers.

“That would be a lot more romantic if you had at least opened your eyes” Bucky laughed again, shifting back down the bed to put his arms around Steve.

“But are you serious?” he asked and Steve opened his eyes to look at him,

“Yes please” he kissed Bucky’s bicep that was in front of his face.

“Okay” Bucky agreed, feeling Steve’s breathing soften against his chest as he drifted back to sleep.

Over the next week they moved all of Bucky’s things into Steve’s room, splitting the drawer space.

They spent the following week trying to brainstorm ideas of what to do with Bucky’s room.  
A million ideas were thrown into the air, a guest room, for the guests they never had, to a game room, Bucky even suggested they buy an LED grow light to grow their own source of money on the side.

Eventually Bucky found the perfect thing to do with the empty room.  
Steve had gone shopping, and whilst he was out Bucky had come home from work, and put together the perfect idea.

When Steve got in, Bucky took him into the spare room and showed him the surprise.  
He’d taken the first print of Steve’s comic and framed it, hanging it on the centre of the wall.

“Surprise!” he said excitedly when Steve saw it.

“I don’t get it?” Steve looked at Bucky puzzled,

“Well, I thought maybe we could make this room into your room, you work from home, I figured it might be good for you to have a separate space? Only if you wanted” he explained and Steve kissed him, causing the temperature in the room seemed to heat up and when they pulled apart Steve’s cheeks were pink.

“I love it, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” he said, looking at Bucky with what he was sure was a lovesick look on his face.

“You really like it?” Bucky asked, a hint of a smile threatening to take over his face.

“It’s perfect”.

They found the perfect desk to furnish the room, finally starting their redecorating, painting the walls the slate grey colour Steve had liked.

“Why grey?” Bucky asked,  
“It’s calming, I dunno, but also Weathered cottage is the best name for a paint” Steve had told him, admitting how he picked his paint based on the names.

It was almost too fun, spreading out sheets on the floor to catch any spills, Bucky having run with a paint roller, Steve following him with a paintbrush, doing the corners and the edges around the light switch.

They wound up, both of them laying down on the floor in the sheets, paint stained hands, admiring their work from the ground.

“I really love this idea… but are you sure you wanna give up the entire room to me?” Steve asked, turning his head towards Bucky.

“Don’t ask stupid questions Steve” Bucky said firmly, not looking at him, just shaking his head exasperated by him.

“Are we getting a tree? We’re getting a tree right?” Bucky asked as Christmas was creeping up on them, and Steve wanted to cry at how giddy Bucky was looking, batting his eyelashes at him. “Obviously” Steve grinned,

“A real one?”

“Yeah of course”. Bucky was as excitable as a small child during the lead up to Christmas, practically counting down the days till they went out and bought their first tree.

Bucky bounced through the maze of trees, “This one? Or this one?” he asked Steve pointing at every one they passed, Steve following him, with a few more expectations in mind. Eventually he found one, the best one, almost 7 feet tall with wide branches, it was going to take up most of the lounge but it was perfect.

“Do you have decorations?” Bucky asked Steve, who nodded, smiling at Bucky’s happy face. “I’ve got a star” Bucky said quietly,  
“Yeah?” Steve asked,  
“Yeah, I’ve had it since, well, my first Christmas by myself, after Becca… and well, that first Christmas was the first happy day after it happened”.  
Steve hadn’t been expecting an explanation, and hearing it made his heart turn to putty in his chest.

Getting the tree back to the apartment was a mission, and lugging it up the stairs took a lot longer than they anticipated, the two of them having to stop and stand at a corner awkwardly, tree wedged between them as they let the old guy from the fifth floor squeeze past.

Steve had been an only child, and he’d been living on his own for the second part of his life, so it felt almost monumental to step back and let Bucky put the star on the top of the tree. The baul-bauls bouncing slightly as the tree shook gently, as the star took its rightful place. Making Steve stop and think about how he was the tree, and Bucky was the star that’d burst in and brightened his life.

Steve was out the next day, he and Natasha always set aside one day every year to go Christmas shopping together, and this year, with Bucky in his head, stakes were high. Natasha picked him up in the morning and they headed out, scouring the stores until Steve refused to go on any longer without a lunch break. Even after all the years they’d been together, Natasha was still a pro at finding Clint presents.  
She found him a new pair of archery gloves and a bottle of the cologne he’d been wearing when they’d shared their first kiss. Steve was almost jealous of their relationship, the ease of it all, no sign of the overthinking Steve was particularly good at, especially thinking now, about finding the perfect something for Bucky.  
Eventually giving up, leaving still empty handed, resigning himself to online shopping.

When Natasha dropped him home, she left him with a hug and the bag that contained Clint’s presents, another tradition they’d struck up after years of Clint searching for his gifts.  
As Steve climbed the stairs, he wondered hopefully if Bucky would be home., when he finally reached the door, unlocking it with one hand.  
“Surprise!” Bucky shouted from the lounge as he rushed out to greet him. Steve looked around, paper chains were hung from every inch of ceiling, fairy lights everywhere, wreaths on very door, tinsel around every door frame. Steve dropped Clint’s present at the door and followed Bucky through the hallway.  
“Bucky, I can’t believe you… how did you do all this… I mean, why” Steve laughed and Bucky shrugged with a smirk,  
“I dunno, I love Christmas, and this year, I want it to be the best one ever”.  
“You’re amazing” Steve sighed, looking into his eyes.  
“How was shopping?” Bucky changed the subject quickly and Steve shrugged,  
“It was okay, Sorry haven’t got you a present yet” he laughed and Bucky shook his head, reaching to take his hands, making Steve look at him, following Bucky's eyes as they glanced up to the ceiling. They sparkled as they reflected the Christmas lights that surrounded them, before realising what Bucky was looking up at.  
Mistletoe hanging above their heads.  
“I don’t need presents” Bucky said quietly, as Steve stared. “You’re the best gift anyway” he winked, leaning in to wrap Steve up in a kiss.

When they pulled apart Steve’s cheeks were pink, his eyes glazed with happiness. “You’re so cute” Bucky laughed, “I might have to get some more mistletoe” he said thoughtfully, winking as he let Steve kiss him again.

Amongst everything, after Christmas was out of the way, they had to find a wedding gift for Natasha and Clint, ignoring their registry and instead searching online for something unique and personal, but struggling to find the perfect something.

“And it’s got to somehow beat our engagement presents which is gunna be pretty hard to top” Steve sighed one evening after desperately scouring the web for anything he could find that they might want.

“”We’ve got to think outside of the box, something that nobody else will get them” Bucky thought out loud.

“Something personalised as well… like what, we’ve done glasses, they’ll get given mugs by someone, so what else? A blanket?” Steve laughed, frustrated as he struggled for any suitable idea,

“Well I hate to admit it but I’m pretty good at sowing” Bucky said with a cheeky wink,

“For god’s sake, of course you are, is there anything you can’t do” Steve shook his head, amazed.

“Since my arm, I’ve altered clothes. And well, you know my hoodie with one arm, gotta sow them seams” Bucky said with a playful smile that made Steve feel sad for him.

“Okay, well you get cracking on that blanket, and I’ll keep looking” Steve rested his head on his shoulder.

“We could find some archery company Olympic training or something” Steve carried on thinking, “god knows how expensive that would be, but Natasha, hmm, bungee jumping? Rent a boat? Spa day?”

“Hey, those are all really good ideas” Bucky sat up suddenly, “we can figure this out tomorrow evening after I’ve been to work?”

“Yeah okay, why?” Steve raised an eyebrow,

“Well Pepper Potts is a very powerful woman” Bucky winked.

Bucky was right about that, when he arrived home mid afternoon the next day he had it all planned out,

“Right then” he said and Steve held his hands up, scoffing,

“Kiss me please” he demanded and Bucky burst into laughter, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing him softly, “Hey honey” he murmured against his lips.

“So what were you saying?” Steve asked when he pulled back, Bucky holding up his finger like he’d just had a lightbulb idea,

“So we buy an amazing blanket and I can fucking embroider it like I’m 90 years old, whatever, Pepper can get insane discounts off spa days at the lakeview club, I’m talking 75% off, and you know who she’s married to, Tony has contacts literally everywhere, you don’t get that famous and powerful from not having friends. He’s got this buddy, who’s got a friend of a friend, I dunno the connections, but that guy has a friend”

“Your losing me” Steve tried to keep up with who all of Tony’s friends were,

“Okay basically, he can get in contact with a guy who was the underdog of the Olympic team 3 years ago, he’s got a personal trainer, and bam, another discount” Bucky was positively beaming and Steve was staring at him trying to piece everything together.

“So we can get al the perfect wedding presents for just a million times cheaper?”

“Yep, something nobody else can get” Bucky smiled at him, proud of himself.

“God fucking damn, what did I do without you” Steve leaned closer, kissing him, and continuing to kiss him, all over his cheeks and up to his forehead, until Bucky started laughing.

At long last the wedding arrived, Clint and Natasha were putting a few people up in the hotel for two nights, Steve and Bucky being two of them.

Setting them up across the hall from Maria, the next couple of rooms next to theirs booked for the archery team, rooms they booked themselves for the night of the wedding, knowing they wouldn’t be able to drive home after a night of drinking.

Steve had spoken to Clint, who had made sure there would be a seat for Bucky with Phil and the rest of the team at the front for the wedding, Steve not wanting to leave him by himself.

Steve stood up at the altar with Clint as they waited for Natasha to arrive, and Steve locked eyes with Bucky looking completely incredible in the tux he had bought special for the occasion.  
Bucky shot him a smile, eyes obviously looking him up and down, and Steve had to stifle a laugh as the music suddenly started, the doors at the end of the room opening and Natasha’s bridesmaids walking down the aisle, paving the way for her to follow.

She didn’t have any family, and had decided to break tradition, walking herself down the aisle.  
Steve smiled as she came in through the doors, watching the crowd turn towards her, looking at Clint, a smile almost too big for his face, and wondered what his own wedding would be like.

Would he be marrying Bucky? It might be too early to think but he certainly hoped he would be.

The ceremony was perfect, as Steve knew it would be, and Natasha and Clint were both smiling from ear to ear as they walked back down the aisle after being made officially husband and wife.

Steve waited for Bucky, both of them wrapping their arms around each other, something about weddings making them grateful to have each other.

The reception was just as perfect, Steve had to give himself half the credit for it all, having booked Wanda for them.

The table centerpieces made from sunflowers and roses, fairy lights draped over the windows like perfect yellow lit waterfalls. The chairs all wrapped up with big red bows on the back of them, white tablecloths that hung almost to the floor.

Steve was next to Clint, Bucky next to him, for which Steve couldn’t thank them enough.

After the dinner, 4 courses, two of them dessert, and plenty of wine thanks to the bottles on each table, Steve waited for the waitress to hand around glasses of champagne, ready for his best man speech. Something he’d been writing for the past month with Bucky’s help.

“Hi everyone, let’s raise a glass to the couple of the hour, I’ve known the two of them separately and I’ve known them together, and I never thought Clint would propose, they always seemed so happy and settled with their lives, but I’m so happy we’re all here today to properly celebrate the two of them!  
I don’t know anybody else who would put up with Clint’s constant whining and all the obsessions, nobody who would still support him after shooting himself in the foot with a literal arrow.” Steve smiled as he received a laugh,

“I’ve been waiting to find the kind of love that Natasha and Clint have, and through everything, every stupid thing I’ve ever done, they stick by me, truly, the greatest friends a guy could ask for. I love you guys, and because I love you so much, I have a special treat for you” he said, clearing his throat as he watched everyone staring at him, patiently waiting for him to break into song or conjure an embarrassing PowerPoint presentation of the two of them.  
“For all your constant mocking, I’m making it part of your wedding forever.

_Oh captain my captain, our fearful trip is done,_

_The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,_

_The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting_

_wWhile follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring_

_But oh heart heart, oh the bleeding drops of red, where on the deck my captain lies, fallen cold and dead._

_Oh captain my captain, rise up and hear the bells, ruse up for you the flag is flung, for you the bugle trills_

_For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths, for you the shores a-crowding._

_For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning_

_Here captain, dear father, this arm beneath your head, it is some dream that on the deck, you’ve fallen cold and dead._

_My captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,_

_My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will_

_The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done_

_From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won. exult o shores and ring, oh bells_

_But I, with mournful tread, walk the deck my captain lies, fallen cold and dead._”

Steve finished with a flourish, realising none of the guests understood at all why he had chosen to recite a poem about a dead president but Clint stood up to hug him, holding up his own glass,

“To Steve! The only person who could tell such a depressing poem at our wedding and make it my favourite part, despite it sounding like you telling me my life is over now I’m married… to Steve!” he said laughing, drinking a gulp of his own champagne.

“You’re such an idiot” Bucky laughed at him when Steve sat back down.

As the evening party got started, more and more people started to arrive and Steve was conscious of Bucky for a while, but every time he would look at him worriedly, Bucky would shake his head,

“I’m good” he reassured him every time,

“Yeah?” Steve checked for the 10th time,

“Yeah, cause I’ve got you” Bucky kissed him on the cheek, “c'mon lets get more food” he said jumping up and rushing over to the buffet line, grabbing two paper plates, one for him and one for Steve.

At some point in the evening Natasha vanished off somewhere, coming back in a change of outfit, and all at once everybody seemed to stop what they were doing, all eyes on her, Steve saw Clint’s jaw drop slightly and Steve’s nearly did too.

She’d swapped out her wedding dress for an equally big princess ball gown, down to her knees and bright red. Bright red ankle boots on her feet, her hair now let down and red lipstick to match.  
She looked incredible and it seemed as though everybody watched as Clint walked over to her, whispering something in her ear.

Eventually everyone went back to their food or their dancing or drinking as Natasha and Clint started to dance, Steve sitting back in his seat beside Bucky, who was halfway through another bowl of cheesecake.  
Steve checked again he was okay before heading off to talk to Natasha for a minute,

“You look insane” he said and she smiled, an entire bottle of wine in her hand,

“Thanks love” she hugged him tight, making sure to keep the wine bottle upright.

“How drunk do you plan to get tonight?” Steve asked laughing,

“Oh very, we have a hotel suite ready for a night of very drunk wedding night sex” she said, Steve wishing she hadn’t.

“Lovely, I hope your room is nowhere near ours” he sighed, wondering why he’d bothered asking

“Congrats Nat”

“Thanks” she said, kissing him on the cheek, her eyes sliding from him as Cint appeared at Steve’s side,

“Hey it’s my wife” he suddenly shouted at full blast, right into Steve’s ear, who winced and decided to get away from it, worried they’d start undressing each other on the dancefloor.

Bucky was sat alone at the table when Steve got back to him, looking at something on his phone when he noticed Steve standing in front of him, holding his hand out expectantly,

“Care to dance?” he said, attempting to sound high-class, as the music changed to a slow song.

“Love to” Bucky leaped at the chance, taking his hand and letting Steve lead him onto the dancefloor.

As they danced, Bucky rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, Steve’s arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly.

“You know, there’s another reason I read that poem” he said slowly,

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, meeting his eyes,

“Yeah, so, they’ve known how I felt about you, before even I did” he started to explain, Bucky’s eyes still fixated on his, just letting him speak,

“And you remember that night we stayed at theirs? The first time, well I guess I didn’t really know it properly back then, but they saw… they said that’s the night they realised I was in love with you” Steve said quietly, for only Bucky to hear,

“I know”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, frowning slightly,

“They sent me the picture” he said, stopping himself from smiling but not telling his eyes, which sparkled like stars

“They what” Steve said, already unimpressed with the story,

“Yeah… after I bumped into Natasha at your gallery thing, I’ve been texting her a bit, and I don’t know why, but when I, when I told you about Tony and everything, and the first damn thing you said was, let’s redecorate, that’s when I messaged her, and, well lets just say she wasn’t surprised and said she was gunna send me the same thing she’d sent you… and sent me that picture”

“I’m gunna kill her” Steve muttered,

“Another day though, don’t ruin her wedding day” Bucky said, smiling,

“and wait” Steve said, realising the important part of what Bucky was telling him.

“I love you, you idiot” Bucky laughed, Steve staring back at him for a second before laughing in relief,

“God I’m so happy you said that, I’m so in love with you” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

They carried on dancing for a while, until the music changed, Elvis singing out to them

_I just can’t help falling in love with you_.

“You’re hands are on my ass” Steve laughed as Bucky’s hands slid down, he shrugged, “Didn’t mean to” he lied through his teeth, not making any attempt to move his hands.

“Where are they?” Steve lifted his head up, looking round, as Bucky laughed, the two of them spotting Clint and Natasha standing beside the DJ.

“Come one, let’s go give them their wedding presents” Bucky said, taking Steve’s hand, kissing his knuckles quickly as they went to grab the present from where it was hidden under the table.

“Hey! Losers!” Steve shouted across to them, making them laugh, but rush over nonetheless at the sight of a present.

Together the four of them walked out to the lobby of the hotel, where they could hear each other.

“We wanted to give you your presents personally” Steve explained,

“Because we love you” Bucky added, letting Natasha take the box from his arms eagerly.

Once she’d discarded all the wrapping paper on the floor and attempted to stick the ribbon in her hair, she lifted the lid off the box, finding the perfectly folded blanket that she quickly pulled out.

It was a double duvet size blanket, thick and warm and knitted. And across it Bucky had so expertly stitched, in perfect cursive writing:

**Clint and Natasha Barton, 3-02-20**

“Where did you get this?” Clint asked, amazed as he looked at the words written on the blanket,

“Bucky made it” Steve shrugged as if it was nothing, even though he’d told Bucky countless times himself how incredible it was.

“Seriously?” Clint asked, impressed,

“Damn Bucky, this is amazing thank you so much!” Natasha hugged him quickly, kissing him hard on his cheek.

“Hang on there’s more” Steve said reaching into his breast pocket and pulling out an envelope which he handed to Natasha. She took it quickly, ripping open the paper and pulling out the gift card.

“Lakeview club, are you kidding?” She asked, looking at the two of them, like she expected them to suddenly reveal it was a prank.

“A fully paid spa day? How the hell did you get this” She asked, staring at the piece of paper in her hand, like she was expecting it to burst into a Harry Potter howler.

“There’s still more” Bucky said, pulling out another envelope from his pocket and giving it to Clint.

“Happy wedding dude” he said, watching his face as he opened it.

"Duke Burley?, how the hell…” Clint looked from Bucky to Steve and then back again.

Natasha then grabbed it from his hand, reading over it before frowning.

“Guys how did you afford this?”

“Yeah this is way too much boys” Clint said, but Steve sighed loud enough to shut them both up. “Guys, listen to us, it’s not too much, don’t even worry about it, we owe you”

“Why? what did we do?” Natasha asked, glancing at Clint hesitantly,

“Without you.. Well we have a lot to thank you for” Steve said, as Bucky put his arm around him and leaned his head on his shoulder, smiling at them.

“Thank you guys, it’s amazing” Natasha gave in.

They exchanged a few more hugs each before heading back inside.

The rest of the night carried on much the same, Steve and Bucky danced, Steve carried on drinking and Natasha drank way too much, laughing with Clint loud enough to hear her from across the room, if it were anybody else the guests may have told her to slow down a little, but despite the fact that nobody messed with Natasha even on a good day, seeing her so happy was truly the best part of the night. She became the life of the party.

“That’s my wife, baby!” Clint cheered over the crowd when there was a lull. Everybody else cheering with him, Natasha, with cheeks pink with the heat from dancing, came running over and kissed Clint hard on the lips.

When the night finally started to die down, guests began taking off, Natasha kissing each and every guest twice, once on each cheek and Clint hugged them all, stood at the doorway to graciously say goodbye and thank everybody for coming.

Steve and Bucky finally called it a night around 1am, heading up the stairs to their room, Steve tripping over his own feet and falling flat on his face on the stairs,

“Fucking hell” Bucky laughed, holding his hand and dragging him upright, “Come on you” he said, putting his arm around him as a support until they made it to their room.

Once inside, Steve crashed onto the bed, face down.  
Bucky laughing at the bedside, “Steve, don’t pass out on me now” he said as he bent down to pull Steve’s shoes off one at a time. Steve just mumbled something incoherently into the bed.

“Oi” Bucky whined, “I don’t wanna have to tell anybody my boyfriend died from alcohol poisoning”.

“Boyfriend?” Steve asked, lifting his head and craning his neck to look at him,

“well yeah, I guess?” Bucky said, suddenly unsure.

“Yeah, definitely” Steve said happily, rolling onto his back, making room for Bucky to lay beside him. They laid together, fully dressed and heads at the wrong end of the bed, fingers touching in the middle. They talked quietly about everything from Natasha’s dress to the quality of the third double chocolate cheesecake.

“I’m serious babe, best cheesecake ever” Bucky was raging about it but Steve’s mind had wandered off when Bucky called him babe, his heart fluttering hard in his chest.

Clint and Natasha hadn’t said goodbye before jetting off on their honeymoon to Athens, but sent a postcard to Steve and Bucky instead to make up for it.  
A beautiful view of the town and seafront, Natasha’s handwriting on the back.

Boys,

Athens is beautiful, you guys should fly out here, I mean it, I’m never coming home, the beaches are beautiful, as are the people.

Love you guys! We’ll catch up soon.

Mrs Barton xox

“She’s so happy it’s cute” Steve smiled as he showed Bucky the card before sticking it to the fridge with a magnet.

Their fridge had become quite the display board, the postcard from Athens, a printed photo of Steve and Bucky together, Steve kissing bucky’s cheek in the picture, and the first ever drawing Steve had done of Goose the Flerken.

When Clint and Natasha came home, both with a fresh new tan, Steve finally got around to telling them about the comic book, explaining everything, every weird speculation they’d had about Carol and how it had blossomed into the comic book creation, showing them the preview copy he had.  
It was good to see Natasha and Clint, outside of all the crazy wedding planning, and not over skype, Natasha had a braid in her hair, the sign of a truly good vacation, Clint looked more relaxed than Steve had seen him for a while.

“A tan suits you” Steve commented, Natasha reaching up and stroking his cheek softly,

“He looks good don’t he” she said, smiling up at him like they were only newly dating.

With the wedding out the way, Steve and Bucky officially a couple, and Steve only waiting to hear back about the comic book deal, everything was settling down, things were falling into place.  
Bucky was thriving at his new job, finding a friend in Pepper Potts, changing his hours to full time, and answering dirty texts from Steve under his desk as he sipped his coffee.

Valentines day was only around the corner, and Steve was determined to show Bucky just how much he loved him, especially after Bucky had gone all out at Christmas. It was his turn.

Luckily for him, Bucky was working all day, giving him a quick kiss and squeezing his ass as he left the apartment, leaving Steve to his own devices. He was waiting in line at the florist trying to stifle a smile at the messages Bucky was sending him, telling him he missed his butt.

It was a busy day, cleaning the apartment and making the perfect playlist for when Bucky arrived home.

It was exactly as he’d wanted. The moment he heard Bucky’s key in the door he clicked play on the music, letting Bryan Adams serenade him into the apartment, stepping into the hallway onto a floor full of rose petals.  
“Steve?” he called, laughing as he took his shoes off carefully.  
“In here” Steve called from the kitchen, standing in the doorway as he watched Bucky wade through the carpet of rose petals that covered every inch of floor. Steve was waiting in the kitchen, holding a bouquet of yet more roses.  
“Steve, what the hell” Bucky laughed again, “This song, oh my god” he shook his head lovingly,  
“I’m so ridiculously in love with you, I just want you to know how happy you make me” Steve said with a small shrug. Bucky stopped when he was in front of him, wrapping his arms around him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.  
“This is unreal” he said again, looking around at the flowers and candles and river of rose petals across the floor. “How long did this take?” he asked, laughing at Steve’s rosy cheeks and spark in his eyes,  
“It was worth it” was all he said, enjoying the way Bucky was looking around in awe.  
“I haven’t even got you a present,” he said, his face dropping, but Steve only smiled,  
“All I need is right here” Steve said playfully and Bucky laughed,  
“God cheesy much.”

It took them the entire next day to tidy up, Bucky piling up rose petals into a heap and throwing them over Steve’s head repeatedly, making Steve laugh and kiss Bucky yet again, amongst the whirlwind of flower petals falling around them.

The first preview of Vers had been out for almost a month when Steve received a call from Hope Summers.

“Steve!” she said happily, “I have great news.”

Steve’s heart leapt, hoping for the best possible news and not wanting to be let down had been keeping him up at night, though fortunately for him he had the best possible heated pillow in bed with him in the form of Bucky.

“Hi Hope, good to hear from you!” he said cheerily,

“We’re in business” she said and Steve smiled into the phone,

“For real?” he asked, still skeptical,

“James Howlett has personally ordered a full length feature issue of Vers, due to overwhelming demand” Hope said, sounding both professional and excited all at once.

”You have a think, you can come up with a rough plot, maybe a title, send it all over and I’ll get to writing a transcript and then you do your part” she explained, and Steve could feel the excitement bubbling up inside him.

Steve spent the few days brainstorming with Bucky and putting together a full idea for a plot, and sending all his ideas back to Hope, telling her he’d been thinking of titles and had decided on VERS: Captain Marvel.

She replied back within 5 minutes, just two words, in all caps

_LOVE IT._

Bucky had officially become a Stark Industries suit, letting Pepper Potts book him an appointment with a tailor and getting fitted for the perfect suit. He’d become a pro at making the perfect coffee and knew Ms Potts’ schedule inside out. 

“You look so good in a suit” Steve mumbled when Bucky came home in his newly fitted suit one day, and Bucky grinned,

“Sorry, what was that, didn’t quite hear you?” He said,

“Shut up you heard me perfectly well” Steve said rolling his eyes, but not stopping himself from raking his eyes up and down Bucky’s body.

“When are you next off?” He asked, pulling Bucky in close to him with the lapels of his jacket.

“Tomorrow, but I’ve got an appointment” Bucky said, leaning forward to close the gap between them.

“Want me to come?” Steve asked, feeling Bucky’s warm breath on his lips as he asked.

“No, thank you though” he smiled.

Bucky was still in therapy, but his therapist Darcey, thought he had made incredible progress and he’d dropped down to one session a month, just to see him through and make sure everything was okay.  
Steve offered to go with him every time but Bucky always declined, but was always thankful for the offer.

He arrived home after a session and started complaining that they never actually decorated the apartment, insisting they at least do something, and then decided it was wildly unfair that Steve had never sent him the picture he bought.

“But we live together, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to go down and shove it in the mailbox?” Steve asked, jokingly and Bucky nodded,

“Yes actually, yes please”.

Steve pulled his sketchbook out from under the bed and rifled through lots of loose drawings until he found the one Bucky had tried to buy all those months ago at the art exhibition, rolling it up carefully and opened the door, ready to walk down to the lobby.

“Okay okay, you don’t have to do that” Bucky started laughed, “You have to at least let me hang it up though” he said seriously and Steve groaned,

“Why” he whined and Bucky crossed his arms defensively,

“because legally that’s my picture and I want to frame it!” he said, scowling at Steve.

“Fine, do whatever you want with it, I’ve got plenty more” he said with a wink that quickly made Bucky smile again.

“Your too cute” he shook his head, “I can’t believe my luck”

“I’m the lucky one” Steve fought him, stepping closer towards him and kissing him on the forehead lightly, Bucky closing his eyes at the contact.

It had been months since Carol had asked for a cat sitter and Steve and Bucky were beginning to doubt her position in the government super secret agent agency.  
Until she texted Steve early one morning, they were already awake, Bucky slowly kissing Steve’s hand and up his arm, all the way up to his neck.

“Who’s texting you at this time of the morning?” Bucky asked, confused,

“Er, it’s Carol... want a cat for a day?” Steve asked looking to Bucky before he typed his reply.

“you mean the flerken? Always” Bucky began to smile as Steve typed away at the keys.

_Sure, bring him on up._

Hardly 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door and Steve leapt up, quickly pulling on a pair of sweatpants before going to open the door.

“Thank you so much you two! I owe ya one” she said as she handed Goose over to Bucky, Steve taking the carrier bag of food and toys from her.

“No worries, he’s in good hands” Steve promised,

“Thanks, call me if there’s any problems, should be back this evening, I’ve got a work thing” she explained vaguely before quickly making her departure.

“Work thing, did you hear that?” Bucky raised his eyebrows suggestively and Steve laughed, following him to the window to see if they could see where she went.

It took a couple of minutes for her to appear out on the street, a man in a black suit stepping out of a car to open the back door for her to climb in.

“Say bye bye mama” Bucky whispered into Goose’s ear, sounding a lot more threatening than he intended. 

“Okay you’ve got this right?” Steve asked and Bucky nodded enthusiastically,

“Of course.”

“Good, I gotta get started on this comic book” Steve said, gathering everything he needed and carrying it into Bucky’s old room, now officially his little office, although he hadn’t yet used it.

After half an hour of hardly getting anything done, and a whole lot of spinning around in the new chair, Steve pulled out his phone, texting Bucky.

S: I’m bored

B: draw some pictures you idiot

S: I can’t concentrate

B: that’s what the whole room was meant to be for

S: I miss you

Steve didn’t get a response, instead Bucky came in suddenly, dragging in blankets and cat toys with him, Goose on his heels, as he shut the door behind them.

“Okay the party has arrived, get to work Rogers” Bucky smiled as Steve watched him set up camp.

It didn’t take long for Steve to start focusing properly, Bucky and Goose working as the perfect background noise to his concentration.

He paused for a break nearly an hour later, looking over at Bucky, sat silently writing away in his journal, the one he’d given Steve to read, in deep concentration, Goose was curled up asleep beside him. Steve smiled as he looked at the two of them, it may only be for a day, but Bucky and Goose felt like his little family, locked away in a room they had designed from scratch.

Now he knew what was in the first part of the journal, Steve was tempted to ask Bucky what he was writing but decided against it, just watching him, small frown lines by his eyes as he scribbled away, before turning his attention back to the frame he was working on, Carol in full captain gear, flying through space, hair streaming out behind her like fire.

Bucky was working the next day, he was usually home by 6 at the latest, but the clock had just ticked past 6:30 and he still wasn’t home, and he always called if he was working late, so Steve was beginning to worry.  
Finally, tired of worriedly waiting, he called him.

Bucky answered on the second ring,

“Steve” he sang and Steve looked at the phone as if he was about to burst into flames.

“Bucky? Where are you?” he asked, concerned,

“Oh, you know” Bucky said vaguely, and Steve had a sneaking suspicion that he was drunk.

“Where are you?” Steve asked again, firmly.

“At the cemetery” Bucky admitted and Steve started to panic, grabbing his shoes, still trying to make sense of what Bucky was muttering about.

It took Steve 20 minutes to arrive at the cemetery, desperately searching for Bucky in the dark until he finally caught sight of him.

“Bucky…” Steve questioned, finding him sitting on the ground, leaning against a gravestone, beer bottle in his hand, another empty one discarded beside him.

“Bucky, are you drinking?” Steve asked, frowning. Only softening when he read over the stone Bucky was leaning against.

_Rebecca Barnes_.

Steve knelt down next to him, touching his leg gently, “Hey” he said softly and Bucky looked up at him, eyes glazed with tears.  
Steve didn’t hesitate to wrap him up in a hug, letting Bucky cry softly against his shoulder,

“It’s okay” Steve whispered into his ear and Bucky shook his head, still buried in the crook of Steve’s neck.

“It’s not” he cried, and when they finally pulled apart Steve took his face in his hands,

“What happened?” he asked, softly stroking his hair and tucking it behind his ears.

“Nothing” Bucky shrugged and Steve just stared into his sad eyes, wishing there was a way to make it all better.

“Just had a bad day” Bucky shrugged again.

“That happens Buck” Steve said, stroking the tears from his face.

“Exactly” Bucky nodded in agreement.

“Everything’s normal, I got my life back, but she never got hers” Bucky said, tears still falling down his face.

“Come on” Steve said, standing up and offering out his hand for Bucky to take, helping him to his feet and taking him home.

Bucky closed himself off the next couple of days, writing in his journal, not avoiding Steve but not acting himself. Heading off to work early, not having a lot to say when he arrived home, letting Steve hold him at night, curling up closely with him, falling asleep in his arms, that being the only thing that gave Steve any comfort.

Bucky had left Steve in bed when he left early for work, Steve waking up at noon, lounging around for an hour before shutting himself in the office and trying to focus on a new page of Vers.  
He sat still for a while, not able to focus, before noticing Bucky’s journal, laying discarded under the table.

He didn’t get any work done, instead, spending the remainder of the afternoon, wandering in and out of the room, thinking about the journal and wondering what was written inside.

Eventually he stopped fighting himself and picked it up, leaving it on the dining room table, just to make sure it was safe. But then the inevitable happened, Bucky arrived home at nearly 6pm and made it all the way into the dining room before Steve noticed him,

“Bucky, hey” Steve said, quickly closing the book and avoiding looking in his eyes,

“Hey hun, sorry, you were so engrossed in reading…” he started, his eyes then falling on his journal now laying on the table, “Were you reading that?” he asked, and Steve began to panic. He had betrayed Bucky’s trust in the worst way and he didn’t know what to say to make it right.

“I...I’m so sorry” he said quickly, worriedly trying to ready Bucky’s face, he frowned for a minute, before his face relaxing, obviously biting the inside of his lip until Steve was close to losing his mind over how long it was taking him to respond.

“Bucky I’m really sorry” he tried again and Bucky finally sighed, meeting Steve’s eyes and shrugging.

“It’s okay” he said quietly,

“It’s not, I'm sorry” Steve apologised again, wishing Bucky would yell at him instead of acting so nice about it.

“No, it’s okay” Bucky repeated, “it’s for you” He said and now it was Steve’s turn to not know what to say.

“What do you mean?”

“Steve, I’m not too good with words, it’s gotten a lot easier and that’s because you’re amazing and I love you, but, honestly, whatever’s written in there, I was going to give you eventually” he said and Steve stood up from where he was sitting, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck who leaned into the hug, tucking his head into the crook of Steve’s neck.

“I’m still sorry” Steve mumbled into Bucky’s hair.

Bucky shrugged against him, lifting his head to carry on,

“Darcey.. You know, my therapist” he started, clearly uncomfortably, “she thinks it’ll help, writing things down, so far I'm not so sure, but writing things down sure helped me get you so… worth a shot I guess” he explained a little, “but honestly, I think you’ve helped me with…everything, more than Darcey has recently” he shrugged again, Steve still holding on tight to him.

With everything out in the open, they were able to get back to being pathetically all over one another again, Bucky starting to smile more again, becoming more relaxed around Steve than ever.

It had only been a week since Steve read the journal, Bucky was working as usual, due to finish at 5, when Steve received a phone call.

“Bucky?” Steve asked, not expecting to hear from him,

“Hey Stevie, come to the cemetery?” he asked.

Steve’s mind was racing, remembering the last time he had to go and find Bucky sitting by a grave, but grabbed his coat without a second thought.

It wasn’t far and soon Steve was letting himself in through the gate, spotting Bucky near where he found him previously, this time, stood up facing the grave, a couple of beer bottles in his hand, that made Steve frown.

“You okay?” Steve asked as he walked up to stand next to him, placing a hand on the small of his back, looking at him, relieved to see a small smile instead of a waterfall of tears.

“It’s the anniversary” he said quietly, handing one of the bottles to Steve before fishing a bottle opener out of his pocket and taking the lids off, clinking the bottom of the bottles against each other,

“Cheers” he said and Steve smiled sadly.

“so... “ he started, “The beers?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and Bucky shrugged.

“I wanted you here, I’ve never had someone to spend it with, and I love you” he said locking eyes with Steve, “but I do kinda wanna talk to her” he said awkwardly.

“I’ll give you a minute” Steve said understandingly, taking a step back and walking away through the rows of gravestones, far enough away to give Bucky his privacy, but just close enough to hear what he had to say.

“Bec…” Steve’s own heart hurt as he heard Bucky take a shaky breath.

“Becky I miss you every single day, and I’ve spent so long wishing I could take your place, and so long feeling guilty that my life seems to be falling right into place, I don’t feel like I deserve that. You would have loved Steve, he’s amazing, so talented, so clever, so cute and so so kind, exactly the kind of guy I never thought I’d deserve, but I love him, he’s helped me realise so much about… well everything. I’m so impossibly sorry I don’t even know how to begin, but it wasn’t my fault, I know mum and dad will never believe that. Steve seems to think you’d forgive me, and I hope you would, because I’ve realised, somehow, I think I can forgive myself. I love you Bec”

Bucky took a sip from his bottle, turning to see where Steve had wandered off to.

Seeing him only a row away, watching him.

“You know it’s rude to eavesdrop” he called, a smile on his face nonetheless.

Steve ignored him, walking back to him,

“I’m so proud of you,” he said, his own eyes pricking with tears.

They stayed for a while, sitting either side of the gravestone, quietly drinking and talking, Bucky telling Steve stories of his childhood, telling him about Becca and how they would play house when their parents left them alone, Becca making pretend cups of tea in plastic mugs, making Bucky call her Mrs Barnes.

Steve had never seen Bucky like it, he came alive when he spoke about his sister and it didn’t take a genius to see how much Bucky loved her, even after all these years.  
Before they left, Bucky picked two flowers out of the bouquet sitting at the gravestone beside Becca’s, putting them into the beer bottles, and leaving them with her.

The two of them walked home hand in hand, the evening air cold, the only thing keeping them warm were each others hands, Steve’s thumb rubbing circles onto Bucky’s skin.

They stopped on the way to pick up food for dinner, carrying Chinese boxes home between the two of them.  
The rest of the night passed slowly, Steve grateful as he and Bucky sat close to each other, passing the box of rice between one another, the tv on but turned down low, Steve’s heart glowing every time he glanced at Bucky, thinking about everything they had been through and how far Bucky had come, it made his whole heart ached with pride.

Steve had been working hard on the comic book for months, working with Hope Summers, numerous phone calls and the odd one or two video chats, fitting the pictures with the text, designing the front cover, until both of them were satisfied with the outcome. 

It was a long and slow process but when the comic finally came out, it was worth every second.

Hope sent Steve the first two copies, he had told her all about Carol and the influence she’d had, asking for a copy to give to her when it had finished.

She was more than thrilled when Steve knocked on her door.

“I still can’t believe you did this!” she said, eyes wide as she flicked through the book, “you’re really really talented Steve!” she said, and Steve smiled at her, thankful.

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” he said, grinning from ear to ear.

When the parcel first arrived, it was packaged in a red box, a ribbon tied around it, dressed up like a present.  
Steve and Bucky were coming home from the shop, both of them loaded up with carrier bags, yet Steve still somehow managed to carry the box up the stairs with him.

He dropped the shopping bags once inside their apartment, eager to untie the ribbon and lift the lid of the box.  
Bucky watched over Steve’s shoulder, taking one of the books from him to see for himself.

“What do you think?” Steve asked when Bucky closed the last page, but instead of saying anything, Bucky kissed Steve, pulling him into him, hands on his back.

“I love you” he said in amazement.

“I’m so lucky” Steve replied, smiling into another kiss.

Steve had become so wrapped up in Bucky, his new life and success that he'd forgotton to tell Natasha the book had officially come out.  
It had been on the shelves for a week when Natasha sent Steve a message, attaching a photo of a poster she saw in the window of a store. Calling him not long after.

"How dare you not tell me!” she said fiercely down the phone,

“I’m sorry, I forgot!” Steve apologised,

“Sorry Rogers, not good enough!” she said sternly, but Steve laughed,

“I can send you a copy if you’d like?”

“No need, I spent my own money because you didn’t think to tell me about it!” Steve laughed again and Natasha sighed,

“I’m really proud of you Steve, it’s incredible”

“Thanks Nat” he said, beginning to believe it when people told him how good he was.

_Steve was out at a meeting with James Howlett, he’d been stressing over it all week, despite Bucky’s constant reassurance, he’d been up at the early hours of the morning, not able to get back to sleep, already dressed and ready to go, 3 hours before the actual meeting._

_Bucky had the day off work and complained how they had three hours together and it was a waste to spend them wearing clothes. Steve was so highly strung he hadn’t even found it funny._

_When it was finally time for him to leave, Bucky kissed him goodbye, threading his fingers in his hair._

_“You’re gunna be amazing” he said supportively and Steve shot him a worried look as he stepped out the door._

_Bucky slapped his ass on his way out, replacing the look on his face with a smile before he closed the door behind him. _

_Steve had only been gone half an hour when Bucky realised how bored he was without him around, laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling._

_When the ceiling became boring as well he decided to start tidying the apartment._

_Steve had pencils scattered across every room and there were dead flowers on the kitchen side.  
_ _Bucky piled up tins of pencils on top of a book and a pile of washing that had been waiting to be put away for a week, carrying it all back to the bedroom at once._

_Bucky put everything back in their rightful places, leaving the book on the nightstand and was starting to sort out the chair of clothes Steve seemed to accumulate over night when he noticed his journal laying on the floor on Steve’s side of the bed._

_He picked it up and flicked through it, remembering everything that had been going on when he’d written inside it._

_His eyes fell to a framed picture of he and Steve that was on the nightstand next to his side of the bed, Bucky had a wide smile on his face, Steve was smiling at Bucky, one his hands on the side of his face, holding him close.  
_ _Bucky smiled to himself as he looked at it, it was easily one of his favourite pictures, he held his journal in his hands for a few seconds longer, realising he didn’t need it anymore._

_He pulled open the bottom drawer of the chest of drawers, it had become a drawer of random bits and bobs, mainly for Steve, Bucky refusing to use a junk drawer. But right now it seemed like the only place for his journal to live out the rest of its life, Bucky rifled through the contents, shaking his head at the mess, creating room for the book to be tucked into the corner, when something behind it stopped it from laying flat._

_He reached in and pulled out a small blue velvet box, his eyes wide as he opened the lid._

_He gazed at it for a moment, his heart beating furiously, smiling as he put it back._

_Bucky spent the rest of the afternoon waiting impatiently for Steve to come home, a fixed smile on his face as he thought about the silver ring. _

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my Twitter @ danverbarnes  
Carolvers_ on insta


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